Tuesday, April 26, 2005
just a short note!
I am staying in Manchester.... oh I finished the course at learn direct! just have to wait for the results coming through! Keep every thing active if you want to keep it! Brain and sexual organs included!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The most important one in my book is the smile, keep people round you who make you smile! cheers for the votes of confidences guys

posted by personallog! @ 6:16 pm   0 comments
Sunday, April 24, 2005
The big decider....!
This going to be a hard update for me to write. Sinead and me have split up as boy friend and girl friend! ....not that hard to type but the implications are going to be difficult.
(sorry for below mum!)
Do I go it on my own and try to rent a flat by myself and continue to work, earning my own money and pay of my debts!.....

Or do I pack up and run to my mum. Give up on Manchester my job, my independence any change of another woman. The dating market is closed to the disabled...for me anyway. Not that I will be looking for it now anyway. I need time to gather my thoughts for the next step in my life. Lets weigh up the difference:

For and against:

Paying of debt myself,
opportunity for something different,
Life in the big smoke,
Could focus on getting things for me in my own right with money I earn.
Not being a financial burden to family,
Being close to Ms specialists,
Being close to the woman I love and have the reminder every time I see,hear, smell and see everyday things.....
get to smoke in my own house!
Not implication to family if I decide to start smoking illegal substances for research,

For and against St annes:

being close to all my relatives, friends,
getting support If anything happened i.e falling over, sickness, being dumb,
Get to watch all the startrek I want,
No worries or stressed about making myself food ect...
be a fanicail drain on my family again....Something which I have done for a while,
Be mollycoddled by family,
have to stop smoking and drinking as much, socializing with friends in Manchester

This being the case....I am going to take some time off blogging for a bit....not for ever! I just need to start thinking about a place to live as soon as I get some bond money raised. Sinead and me split on good terms so dont go bad mouth her to anyone or you will have to answer to me! I am still living in Sineads house till I raise some money. Will still have acce to internet but its a sad time for me. See you all in a couple of weeks and take care of each other!


posted by personallog! @ 1:36 pm   4 comments
Thursday, April 21, 2005
the first day done and I have some study to do!
hello all, my last update,after reading again makes me sound a bit......pompus! Look at me type! I know it will get worse its just going to be on my terms this time. I will get the benifit of having no people from the public shouting down my ear and I can concentrate on a craft!

Well hopfully. Yuo all know the score when it comes to me I will tell the truth here, when its good I am going to celebrate! When its bad you dont hear from me for a bit and its updated when I can do it. Still sticking to my own rule of do it while you can/when you can!
I have met some amazing people today....normals! People fighting thier own battles there own way and doing a great job. OK they dont have ms but they can relate! There internet knowlage is.... sh*t hot! Cant knock it. I am looking forward to learning some great stuff which will help me when I am going towards a degree. I have.. I will learn a great deal! I worked a full day today and i am looking forward to tomorrow too! Not a BRING IT ON moment as I am knackered and wanting to relax. Not too much to soon and take it slowly! I will do a full day tomorrow and I will look after myself! Sinead has gone out tonight so got some time to myself to have some thinking time. What next......I know the relapse is coming and I am actually looking forward to the blue drip of mitroxatone and the nausea! Just for the day or two of normallity.....my god I didn't think I would ever say that!

Hoping you all.....feeling good too.

posted by personallog! @ 4:40 pm   0 comments
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
sorry guys busy week enven when not feeling good
well it has been a good week with regards to moving things forword for me...mostly!

I have all last week off apart from friday, i felt the need to prove to myself and to my job which is being very supportive! I went in on friday and did a 9 till 5 shift with following the schedule supplied for me. This was great. Went in monday and did the same......wait for it....today worked till 11:00 am and requested to come home as had major pain in legs(bad bit!). When I havent been in work I have been disabled...there you go I did say it, i knew I could!

Best bit of news is that I have been given a new job.....yes I know given. I start on thursday this week if ms doesnt rear its head to much. The job: Helping the internet team maintain the intanet to supprot the call centre do thier job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I see this as a major thing for me as I have been trying to get on a job like this for years. I thought that now I have diagnosed that was it for for me no more carrer progression! But NO ms you are going to fight harder to get me! There maybe an oppertunity to work from home once i am trained up! WOW!!!

I have started a basic computer course through learn direct.co.uk to get me in the mood for study for a future degree.....I dont think my life has evr been this focused before. I have a fantastic partener who put up with all the sh*t i throw at her and cant wait to get on with stuff!

Then why am I scared? I get back to you on that one!

Sorry for the delay Camile just a bit busy love!
Hope everyone is ok keep well
posted by personallog! @ 12:36 pm   1 comments
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
forgot to metion..raise £30 so far
Not a massive amount.... yet!
posted by personallog! @ 2:13 pm   4 comments
Weird days
Trip out city! Head in bad place but can seem to type! Sent home from work as i looked like a hippy for most of the day so far! Spaced out, unshaven and I feel like I not in my body!

Thats a bit dangerouse when you work on the telephone!

I think they sent me home so I dont swear at customers to be honest, dont blame them! It has given me the opertunity to sign on the web. My course is off line at the moment due to to many people signed on to the server....some body is telling me not to work today! I think I will go to bed in a bit. I have notice that I am devloping a facial twich, you cannot see it on my face but I can feel it ....I know it sounds weird but you should try doing it.....No I woundnt either if I had the option!

I fell yesterday....lost balance and landed with my jaw! Ow! Think I might get a mark but you never know with this disease. Right fingers going to sleep so I think thats it for today!
Take care everyone!

posted by personallog! @ 1:57 pm   1 comments
Monday, April 11, 2005
I knew it was going too well.....humpf!
Well first day back for week2!....sent home after looking in the mirror and seeing a pale face looking back and I asked to leave! Feel like death and just want a cuddle! Sinead is coming down with a cold too! At least I will have company!

I am going back to work tomorrow! I fought so hard to get set times during the week 9-5 monday to friday so I am going to fight to be there! Not that I need the money...mind you...who doesnt want the money! I will be saving so I can get my own home, That is a life goal for me. After checking house prices in St Annes I think I will have to work untill the reaper comes! Hopefully A dregree will help with getting a better paid job. I knew I should have stay on after leaving school!

Well going to wrap up warm and get lots of Vit C down me, no drinking this week I think!
posted by personallog! @ 2:58 pm   3 comments
Friday, April 08, 2005
A full week done!!!!!
1 week out the way lets see how many more I can do. just finished reading last update and I think I need to concentrate on my typing skills, english and spelling! Well I will now! My team manager from work has access to the site. Passed the details for web address to Jane and fellow colleague John. Johns reaction was amazing...

"Right lets raise some money" said John, he then spent the next 30 mins Creating a sweep stake for the Grand National. All proceeds will be going to MSRC. It should be about £30...I did see some paper money in there so might be more! I will update next week with the amount we give!

So thats a good point to today!

Now the bad bit.... I got a letter in the post today giving me the date for next treatment. This should be a good bit too but the nausea is scarey. The Blue pee dont go down well neither! The date is 8th June so I have some time to wait. Would rather not have ms and not go but it has to be done if I want to see any benifits. Anybody out there see any benifit when they did it?
Anywhay thats the news report today.
Hope your all well!


P.s Hope you dont get scared by reading this Jane, its just a diary!
posted by personallog! @ 4:33 pm   2 comments
Thursday, April 07, 2005
what a great day
Today started with the same tiredness and aches and pains, I think not drink would have helped.(drank last night not when I got up!) My team manager cam to my desk and gave me a book that will help with tuertts!

The british book of sear words.....I have never laught so hard in a long while! There is some I didnt know either! Its good to know that you can still learn somthing and retain things too! I will try and tell you some but you will have to ask via email as my mum reads this page! One more day to go till the weekend fingers crossed!

Wish you all well!

posted by personallog! @ 4:36 pm   0 comments
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
signed up for basic course.....
I have signed up for a basic computer course....last night feel good moment.
Finished another day and I am starting to think I could hold the demon off for a bit, I think the main thing is to keep focus on what you want to achieve. Don't try to do to much to quickly. do what you can when you can but stay focused!

Concentrate on one thing at a time and finish each thing one at a time....this is going to be the hardest thing for me as my life seems to be full of things too do! I want so much but cant carry everything at once.
Course first
Degree second
Creating music 3rd.

Hope life is treating you ok

posted by personallog! @ 4:40 pm   1 comments
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
2nd day this week...
I am bored...need to find a course or somthing to do!I need to educate myself and get a better job! The only thing keeping me at the job at the moment is the fact that I am getting paid!
Only for the money! This is a bit sad! second day done and all I can think of is I have a mind to use why cant I use it to work from home! I feel like it should have something to do with computers and the internet but no one in there right mind would have me in their office. I have found a few websites allready so no web addresses please!
I still havent filled in the formfor the oxygen tent thing....hate filling in forms cause embarised about my wrighting skills(cant hold the pencil properly, spelling is terrible...no spell checker!) but I will do it soon!
Hope your all ok and I will pop in to your blogs soon!

Take it easy and when ever you can!

posted by personallog! @ 4:40 pm   0 comments
Friday, April 01, 2005
sorry sorry sorry
I know...sorry not written for a while.....but I have a life too you know!
I have been at work all week doing 09:00 till 14:00 just to take it easy.

My regular day so far:
09:00 get into work sign into phone and start speaking to the general public about thier creditcard accounts....
10:00 Start loosing the will to live so take a break. return to work in 15 mins
12:00 Start getting hungry as din't have breakfast so go for a break 15 mins then return to work
13:00 As above
14:00 Do the alien Lambarda to home
14:45 Get home a sleep the sleep of the dead till 18:00!
18:00 Get drunk on any beer available!(yes thats every day this week!)
So I am loosing wieght and the will to live in the same boat.....COOL! Thats what working for a living is all about!

The good thing about this week has been that I am now getting paid for my disablity and full time wages from work!!! Its like doing overtime but going in to work! My wage has gone up and I am earning more! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH MY LIFE LOTTERY! wHEN DOES MY LOTTERY NUMBERS COME UP AND WHEN CAN i EXCHANGE IT FOR A CURE?

Sorry I have been away for a week!

I havent filled in the application for the oxygen tent thing yet but its on the cards I now have a folder containing all the ms documentation I need for anything...Any newbies out there....get a folder! honest you want to keep all documents in the same place..,..you will be asked for them!

My younger brother is coming to stay for the weekend so we will be playing computer games, drinking and getting in to trouble with Sinead!(sorry babe but you know we will!)

Oh yeah and I have made it my mission to do a full week 9-5 the week after do overtime!

posted by personallog! @ 2:15 pm   0 comments
ms....not just a diary
About Me

Name: personallog!
Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom
About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!! See my complete profile

More of ME
ms/disabilty reads
Other Interests
Previous Post