Monday, April 30, 2007
Misery guts.
You are going to have to look after me. When ever I get on to Orbital it brings back memories of dancing until the early hours in a darkened club loving the bass line. I miss my legs. I miss an arrogant Dave. A whore to the dance with no rhythm. I loved it and miss it dearly. Getting old sucks big hairy balls. The thing with this dam disease is you feel older than your years. I still have the mind of a youngster...No that's not quite right....I think age is being thrust upon me before my time. Some days I feel as if someone else is having it away with my life. Some days I can't move. Some days I want a better life and I wish for better days. Mostly I just except my bodies limitations...

Its like having a US spell checker on here when your from the UK. You know something is spelt wrong. You know the correct English grammar but there is an American in control loaded with a nuclear arsenal of abbreviation's. (I love my american friends and my own grammar is not 'spot on'. My spelling is terrible but I am trying to show somthing here!) I have basic control of my body but there is always....Something there saying "NO". I feel like I am aging faster than I should. I have excepted that I am going to die. We all do. Its all a matter of how and when and what for. Maybe its a case of "I dont feel like I am really here!". Now thats a bit scary isnt it?

Are we here?
Orbital - are we here?

I Was Here
Here I Was
Was I Here
Yes I Was.

From the mouths of babes eh.
I do like Americans honest. You just scare me a bit.
Stay well
posted by personallog! @ 12:04 pm   2 comments
Saturday, April 28, 2007
A weekend alone....
The weekend isn't over yet, so anything could happen eh!

I have a few DVDs to catch up on and its a Frasier weekend on Paramount so the entertainment is covered. I guess I am just missing my girlfriend. Being alone is fine by me for now....As long as it is only the weekend!hehe! I have a few things to do. I think music and maybe play my guitar on Sunday. West wing seasons 6 and 7 are just waiting for me.

Hope you have a good weekend planed. I am having fun with my thoughts honest.
Stay well

Oh yeah...Music. Here is my all time favorite band. I have everything they have ever done. Two guys are fantastic. Well you check them out.
Orbital - The Box

Still love them. I can't do just one.
orbital - one perfect sunrise live

One of there best tunes for a chill out weekend like this is the next one.

I told you the weekend is never a loss with a tune like that!
posted by personallog! @ 10:39 am   0 comments
Friday, April 27, 2007
It seems to be a week relaxing.
Today is warm in Manchester. I am no longer a hot weather person as I have reported here before but I needed to get out today. Just needed some fresh air. There is always the feeling of the walls closing in when you have your neighbor coming round to use your Internet. Its Maria's birthday today so I let her. She makes coffee or tea and I watch DVDs so I don't mind to much. She helps I suppose. Some days you need the help eh.

I got an email from my Internet mum(Camille) that explains a bit about family help... And child labor Haha! Care givers and helpers:

Thanks Mum your a star.
OK some days we need help in minor tasks and this is a great video...Maybe its being on my own that's the problem. I have no helper here and it brings scary thoughts about letting my family that close to me. I like being independent. I like having my own space. I like having someone make me coffee tho!

Hmm some thought is going to be needed on this before I move out of Manchester and into St Annes.

Stay well
posted by personallog! @ 12:01 pm   1 comments
Thursday, April 26, 2007
No title yet.
I know I haven't blogged for a while and I would usually start with an apology but this time I am pulling a different card....I couldn't be bothered!lol. I have been having a life with not much to report. It wouldn't have made much of an interesting read anyway. Just more "I got drunk!" and "I love Jen". I put on weight on and lost it. I got to hold my niece and she is cool. My father is going to do another degree and I am slightly inspired....Slightly. I don't seem to have the staying power to do anything never mind a degree. My body is still disabled. I have not picked up my guitar since I tuned it. But...I think I am happy. Enjoying my own existence. I woke up at 6 AM this morning and just lay there thinking about my life. You know...I am happy. All I need to do to finish this year is get a tattoo.

I have quite a few DVDs to catch up on so I maybe away for some time.
Apathy rules!!!

Stay well people
posted by personallog! @ 6:14 am   0 comments
Monday, April 23, 2007
happy st georges day!
Time to get drunk like a round table knight!!! Hurrah!

posted by personallog! @ 6:47 pm   0 comments
Saturday, April 21, 2007
The weekend the weekend!
It really doesn't have the same kick when your not working. Well does it? Jen is coming today...So I think my weekend is buring brighter already!

I think Jamie is on the ms walk this weekend for her chapter so wish her luck if you can.

Right music from my collection.
Stone Temple Pilots - Plush

Strange thing is....I remember all the words to that song. Yeah I was singing at the top of my lungs when I found it!hehe!

Have a good weekend

P.S I have to show you this if your over 15 at least wow!: Alex Gaudino - Destination Calabria

Thats an army thats already won! Its the weekend!!!!!!!!!!
posted by personallog! @ 7:26 am   1 comments
Friday, April 20, 2007
Sorry been away for a day.
Where were we? Oh yeah music...
This is brill, one of my favorites from my dancing years!

This guy is a genius. This tune was over looked by the press and the popular music press. This video doesn't do the tune any justice. I love it anyway and I hope you enjoy. It does represent a great period of my life. Always wear your sword at your side.
Leftfield - Dusted

Hope you're all ok
posted by personallog! @ 11:38 am   0 comments
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Happy days!
Weather Report : Bird land

Yes this is a CD in my collection. I think its great and a fantastic present I got from my dad.

Had a great night with Jen. That girl is so cool and I love her so much. Tired and hung over today though. Hehe! Just a relaxing day today I think. Research maybe! I think some people need to read up.

Stay well.
posted by personallog! @ 10:43 am   0 comments
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
OK here we go!
Fatboy slim -Right Here Right Now

The first of many cool dance tracks in my collection of CD madness! Great tune and a great video! Its on the left hand side of my CD shelving rack.

Clair had surgery today. Needed a wheel job!hehe! I buckled the right wheel a few weeks back. I think removing the wheels when I go in the car will have to stop. Either that or I have to go on a diet. Too many pizza's is playing its part. All I have to do is 5 sit ups and the weight is gone the following day...Don't hate me for that.

Jen is round tonight and I can't wait to see her and give her a big hug. Nothing much else to report for today. I have received some post. Couple of DVDs which I have been waiting for. Forest Gump, Die hard trilogy, Lethal Weapon collection, Saving private Ryan, Ghostbusters and the Alien Quadrilogy(Amazon had a sale!) to name a few. Well I figure I am going to be lying down for a while so why not watch some cool stuff eh!

Anyway enjoy the tune and take care of yourselves.

Ok here is another tune By Fat Boy Slim: Slash Dot Dash

I have that one too! Spot the Dead kenedies riff?
posted by personallog! @ 11:49 am   2 comments
Monday, April 16, 2007
Music the healer!
After yesterdays update I am happy to report that I got a good nights sleep last night. I have been out and shocked a few people (and not with random screaming to the general public either!). I stood up in a store where they have never seen me on my feet before. I guess seeing a man in a wheelchair stand up can be a shock to some people. If they put the coffee on a lower shelve they wouldn't have caught the matinee! I gave an angry face and left after making my purchase. I know its not there fault. They didn't give me ms and they didn't put me in a wheelchair but there has to be a benefit somewhere doesn't there? There is a women behind the counter, who I consider a friend, gave me a smile and said "Getting better eh" I could only reply "Just need my coffee god dam it" and smiled. I don't think she will pack my ruck sack ever again! Well...They are too polite to ask whats wrong with me so I haven't told them. How very English of us eh.

Right I am on a mission to listen to every CD I have. One a day. I have worked out that I should be listening to music from my own collection for about the next ten years. I should really put them in order....But then you have the whole category or alphabetical debate. I figure...Just start at one end and listen to then all. One a day and record them in a database....Or on here maybe! Hmmm could prove interesting for some eh? At least you will get to know me a bit better. Lets see how long it takes eh. You might be in for a shock or too. I will start tomorrow.

Stay well
posted by personallog! @ 10:20 am   0 comments
Sunday, April 15, 2007
And it starts again...
Had trouble sleeping again last night. Its strange the way the mind works isn't it. At least it was over something which is...Life affirming...No that's not right. It was more a case of "What the hell am I doing here?". Its not just one thing either
Queens Of The Stone Age - In My Head

I know it has something to do with my father. He has signed up for another degree and I can't pull my head out of my ass! I still have given much thought over what I want to do with my life but I still get nothing, even though I lay looking at the ceiling for 3 hours.... That's not completely fair. I had about 17 thousand things runing through my head. Non of which mean anything in the light of day.(my god it's hot today!) Its just general "Stuff" that kept me awake.

"Do I need to shop today?"
"Is it going to be too hot?"
"Have I got enough food in?"
"Should I do an internet shop?"
"When is Jen coming again?"
"Why is she coming?"
"What have "I" got to offer for her long term"
"Does she love me as much as I do her?"
"If I was able to walk would it make a difference?"
"If I didn't have ms what would I be doing now?"(that's a pearl!)
"What am I going to do to earn money in the future?"
"Are you going to pick up that guitar at all...Ever?"
"What should I do in my future? Why should you? What for?"
Then you get to the life questions.
"Just why?"
"What for?"

To name a few. There is always drugs yes but... You understand? That opens more questions for my next batch of anti-narcolepsy. The whole "Will I, won't I" is going to kill me if I go through that again!

Dont get me wrong with todays update(Just reading over this update screams depression) I am happy. I have money. I have more entertainment than I ever have had. I have books to read. I am happy with my life...Honest! I just didn't get any sleep!

Oh wait a second....isn't that a human trait or is it all in my head?
Enjoy the tune.
posted by personallog! @ 11:23 am   1 comments
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Full of rock!
Megadeth - Go to Hell

Today's video is not a reflection of my brothers visit by any means!lol! We watched some old DVD's this week. Bill and Ted's bogus journey is to blame for the video above and not to show any connection with speech between us both. I have had a great time. Lots to drink. To much pizza and happy times were had. I will have to go on a diet soon tho!

I now have every Metallica album and my CD collection has increased in size exponentially. I am spending to much cash on music and video's. Small time pleasure. The life of the consumer eh! I think I have to start saving for a rainy day or something. If I want to buy my own house one day....Hmmmm. Right I am starting a saving plan right now!(lets see how long this goes Dave)

Health wise...I am going ok. No problems I can't deal with. Same amount of disablement and tremors. Minor pain and I can type so no problems. Jen isn't coming tonight due to working too hard and a work colleague is not very well. With her colleague out of action Jen has more work. Oh well. I wish her friend the best of health.

Stay well
posted by personallog! @ 11:34 am   1 comments
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Bro is here for a week!
Metallica - I Disappear

Having a great week so far with my younger brother. Just chilling!hehe!

I won't be too long.

Stay well
posted by personallog! @ 1:22 pm   0 comments
Saturday, April 07, 2007
I made it!!!!
I got to my mam and dad's house! The train journey went without any hiccups. I have finally had two nights sleep. The type of sleep you can only get in the safety of your parents house. Two days without any interruptions from my neighbors. Two days of watching DVD's with my brother and an overwhelming sense of belonging.

I am proud of myself for the travel and can't wait to let loose in a family BBQ. Beer and happy times ahead...If only Jen was here eh.

Anyway time to party. Have a bit of this:
Focus- Hocus Pocus (live '73)

Yeah thats rock!!!lol!
Enjoy and have fun
posted by personallog! @ 2:51 pm   3 comments
Monday, April 02, 2007
The parent report.
The Fray - How to Save a Life

Jens parents are fantastic. I fell in love with them straight away. There is a saying that the girl friend always turns into her mum in later life, if that's the case I think I have fallen on my feet. Her parents are kind and just lovely. I had a feeling that they like me too. They made me feel so welcome it was like going to see my own family. I bought a big bunch of flowers for her mum and thanked them both for letting me stay. The dad even shook my hand when we left. The dogs even liked me and that's important I think!lol.

Combined with her great friends I could quiet easily say that is has been the greatest weekend this year apart from the visit by my neighbors. I really do hope they are OK. Almost a break up there. Never combine muscle gainer with vodka and cider. He has been round and apologised today and I guess he is a bit embarrassed about it now.

I am going to my families house over the easter weekend and maybe be away for sometime. This will be the first journey on my own and I want it without any problems(fingers crossed eh!). If I can do it...It will open some new avenues for me and I think I will get more confidence in my abilities. I had a big feeling this weekend. I want to buy my own house and go back to work. Evidently I cannot go back to my last job but I can't buy a house without a steady income. I will be dept free by October and I can start saving by the end of this month. Jens parents have an amazing house and I would love one like it. Its going to be hard but I have a feeling I can do it.

Hope you enjoy the tune and...
Hope you're all well
posted by personallog! @ 11:47 am   1 comments
ms....not just a diary
About Me

Name: personallog!
Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom
About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!! See my complete profile

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