Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I have to get some focus...
On what I want to accomplish before depression really kicks in! I know I want to pay off my dept and clear everything up before I shed this mortal coil! So first rule for me is to stop spending money on music and stuff that I don't really need! I have so much to sort out its going to be hard!

I chased income support this morning and they are awaiting further information from my(laughing called) employer. So I can't do anything there! I have contacted them and they are going to get back to me. I have cut up my cards so no further spending can be done! Any money I do get pays my rent and housing bills(gas,electric, internet/TV etc) with not much to spare. Some how I have to pay my credit card with something. (Maybe if I don't eat satans minions might get paid without selling my soul) I am thinking of returning to work and shock the hell out of them but that means I have to be well enough to get up every day for work. I don't think that's going to be done with this employer. I know debt recovery is coming soon! Not the most attractive thing to have over you shoulder by any means! I am hardly lucky enough to win the lottery(you have to play it first Dave!) and I think I used up my luck to find Jen. So in ending this I will have to get something MORE in my bank. There must be something I can do!

Well lets look at it:

1. Crime...Err no! I wouldn't be any good at it and I couldn't hurt a fly!
2. Sell my body and become a whore...Yeah right Dave you said you coun't hurt anyone!! Like who would pay for you!!!
3. Work...Hmm maybe! Looking more likely!
4. Use you body for medical science.....Like that would be an option! You wouldn't get paid for it either!
5. Sell everything I own....Now we are talking business but I don't want anything to go and there is nothing to watch on TV anyway.
6. Win the lottery...You dont play it!!!! And you dont have the money to bet!
********Nina Simone:Aint got no. I got life*******
I could go on but you see my point. Do I stop thinking about what happens after I am gone and get on with living....I want to....I really want to but I care about the aftermath of my life. I don't want to leave anything to the people I love apart from happy memories! Good intentions are not going to be enough here dave! You have to do something....Looks like your going to have to sell your there anything else I can do? I need help! I hate depression!

Jen is coming tomorrow maybe a hug will help...but we are going to have a "chat"! I knew there was going to be bad news!! I also have a new pain in my legs....Whoopie!

I just need more time to think about this but I KNOW I WILL DO IT!!! It will just take some time!

I wish you all well.
posted by personallog! @ 10:47 am  
  • At 2:25 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have not even read the whole post, but music is something you need! Think of it as medicine.


  • At 6:20 pm, Blogger Jaime said…

    I am sorry you are not having a good day! Keep listening to music though...this is something that you enjoy and makes you happy. You may need to cut back on buying CD's but you can always listen online.

    You are in my thoughts today and I hope that you get to feeling like your old self soon. This too shall pass! I know the depression of it sucks...just know that I am here if you need me.

    Love ya,

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Name: personallog!
Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom
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I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!! See my complete profile

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