Had trouble sleeping again last night. Its strange the way the mind works isn't it. At least it was over something which is...Life affirming...No that's not right. It was more a case of "What the hell am I doing here?". Its not just one thing either Queens Of The Stone Age - In My Head
I know it has something to do with my father. He has signed up for another degree and I can't pull my head out of my ass! I still have given much thought over what I want to do with my life but I still get nothing, even though I lay looking at the ceiling for 3 hours.... That's not completely fair. I had about 17 thousand things runing through my head. Non of which mean anything in the light of day.(my god it's hot today!) Its just general "Stuff" that kept me awake.
"Do I need to shop today?" "Is it going to be too hot?" "Have I got enough food in?" "Should I do an internet shop?" "When is Jen coming again?" "Why is she coming?" "What have "I" got to offer for her long term" "Does she love me as much as I do her?" "If I was able to walk would it make a difference?" "If I didn't have ms what would I be doing now?"(that's a pearl!) "What am I going to do to earn money in the future?" "Are you going to pick up that guitar at all...Ever?" "What should I do in my future? Why should you? What for?" Then you get to the life questions. "Just why?" "What for?"
To name a few. There is always drugs yes but... You understand? That opens more questions for my next batch of anti-narcolepsy. The whole "Will I, won't I" is going to kill me if I go through that again!
Dont get me wrong with todays update(Just reading over this update screams depression) I am happy. I have money. I have more entertainment than I ever have had. I have books to read. I am happy with my life...Honest! I just didn't get any sleep!
Oh wait a second....isn't that a human trait or is it all in my head? Enjoy the tune. Dave
Name: personallog! Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!!
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I get like this when I can't sleep. Sucks! I wonder if part of why I can't sleep however has to do with the fact that I just have so much on my mind.