Thursday, March 23, 2006
Still got the 'strange days' feeling!
EVERYBODY'S CHANGING (Keane)

I am listening to these guys a lot for some reason maybe it the lyrics....Everyone's changing and I don't feel the same, I don't know why! I can see life happening around me but I cant keep up with the changes. I normally just jump straight in and hope for the best but I feel I need to get some perspective of what's happening to my body. Its the loosing control bit that scares me. Not that I had great control anyway but its this time(in mid relapse) that you sort of take stock. I am moving house soon and there is a lot to sort out.... Will it make life easier for me to deal with this madness...I am not really sure that having easier access will ease the mental side of things. Ms is a massive strain and I think its one of the hardest things I have gone through. Its fine saying "I am disabled" but being disabled is hard and shakes up your life in full!

Yeah I have a brave face and will but its when your at your lowest that you have to put on a harder look! I spoke to my team manager today(on the phone!) and she said it might be a good idea to speak to a phycologist who can deal with long term trauma as she can see that I am not happy! I tried to explane but maybe she is right... another weakness. I dont think I can live on my own any more.....

The alernative will be to move out of Manchester and get people around me....friends who will be there when I need them....family! I think this is why people say sorry when you tell them you have ms!

Hmm I hate relapse....

I think having another job would help but its only a patch to the bigger wound. I can't leave the woman I love in a city where I get the best help in the country. I have so many dreams that I want here but without help.....I cant do it....thats the bitch! I dont think changing the music is going to help with this one!
Hope you are all well
Dave
Change in music:
ALL AT SEA (Jamie Cullum)
This suits better!
posted by personallog! @ 10:24 am  
6 Comments:
  • At 1:20 pm, Blogger mdmhvonpa said…

    Having a viable and determined support network is critical.

     
  • At 1:27 pm, Blogger personallog! said…

    especially now!

     
  • At 5:31 pm, Blogger pocketpunk said…

    mate..your going to have days like this.

    Maybe try and focus all your attention on one achievable goal....like moving flats. Once that is done, tick that box in your head and move to the next goal. That way you will feel you are "doing something" and succeeding. I think you're juggling to many balls.....to coin a phrase

    x

     
  • At 6:29 pm, Blogger personallog! said…

    This relapse is juggling my ballz! cheers sis!
    Dave

     
  • At 2:32 am, Blogger amanda said…

    oh Dave Relapses do SUCK!!! I'm so sorry that you are going through this relapse crap at the same time as me. i'm not sure that I can make you smile as I am usually good at....:):)

    A good stong support system is def. a must!!!

    Good luck and please keep us (me !!) updated..maybe we can msn chat tomorrow??

     
  • At 2:37 am, Blogger jennifer said…

    HI,
    MY NAME IS JENNIFER AND I CAME ACROSS YOUR BLOG AND IT HAS CAUGHT MY ATTENTION BECAUSE I ALSO HAVE MS. I WAS DX IN 2001 AT THE AGE OF 19. I KNOW HOW YOU ARE FEELING AND BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM OF A ONE YEAR OLD MAKES THE MS EVEN HARDER. I HATE THE FACT THAT MS IS A TEASE AND NOT KNOWING WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT!!! IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH! THE FEAR I HAVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IS LOSING THE MAN I LOVE AND NOT BEING ABLE TO PLAY WITH MY SON AS FAR AS RUNNING, HELPING HIM COLOR WHEN I CAN'T EVEN HOLD A CRAYON IN MY HAND, HOW DO I TEACH HIM TO WRITE HIS NAME ONE DAY WHEN I CAN'T HOLD A STUPID PEN IN MY HAND TO WRITE MY OWN!!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN WANTING A CURE!!! I'D GIVE MY LEFT BOOB, HELL I'D GIVE BOTH FOR A CURE!!!!! I HOPE WE GET LUCKY SOON AND THEY FIND A CURE, FOR YOUR SANITY, MY SANITY AND SO THE YOUNGER PEOPLE THAT ARE JUST NOW STARTING LIFE DON'T HALF TO GO THREW THE HELL WE DO BECAUSE GOD KNOWS, WE DON'T DESERVE IT!!!

     
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Name: personallog!
Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom
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I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!! See my complete profile

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