The last relapse has shaken a bit. Having your legs not work at all is a scay thing. Makes you think of the bigger picture. Am I prepared for when my legs go completely go? Just a head thing for me to deal with. Jen makes me feel like a real working man and to have her see me in that way....Just hurt.
Head mash in the highest degree.
Something good has happened. I have a new MP3 player. 8meg piece of marvel. A purple piece of musical wonder. Music. The greatest present I could get. Thank you Jen. I just hope I can get you something with equal value. Something that I try to do every time I see you.
I have to get my head down and get some rest. When I feel a bit better I will add another update to my reseach page. Stay well Dave This always makes me feel better:
Did not go out Saturday. LLP was fun though. I now have carpet burns,scars and a bad back! FUN! Got to spend some quality time with Jen instead. I would have loved to take her out... But I guess it will have to be next time. Paralysis sucks. It seemed to be only for a few hours but that was enough to scare the hell out of me. Jen dealt with it really well. 300% better than my ex anyway. She was loving and understanding. I can't imagine what it must have been like for her see'ing me crawl across the ruff concrete outside my house as she couldn't pick me up. Dragging my legs behind me. I guess it scared me more eh!
I had a bad back a couple days before so maybe thats a sign to look out for in future for me. I was looking forward to it too! I am not sure when Seb Fontaine will come back to Manchester again. I realy hope I get to see him one day.
I got up this morning. Had a shower with my regular Elivis knee and painful wiggle. I got dressed after drying myself and I felt pretty good about the forthcoming day. I even felt I could leave the house after a couple of coffee's! I collected the post and opened over a cup a turned on the TV. 1st bit of mail knocked me for 6. ***************** Benefit fraud Investigations David Wright Fraud investigation manager Dear Mr *****(insert my name!)
We have reason to conduct an investigation into your previous claim for housing/council tax benefit. I would like to interview you with connection with this matter.
******************
The letter goes onto give a time and date for this interview and then states the interview will conducted under caution as the have reason to believe that a false statement *may* have been made and/or you have failed to inform the authority of a relevant change in your circumstances.
You should understand that the purpose of the interview is to give you the opportunity to put forward any explanation what has apparently happened.
***************************** As letter goes on is says "you may want to seek legal advice" I nearly died right there! As soon as I read that the interview will be recorded I rang them. My legs stopped working and pain riffled through my body at this point. I spoke with the guy who sent me the letter. I told him I had ms, I told him I am in a wheelchair and he said the letter was produced by a system he uses. An auto seek and destroy application that looks for errors in information. Missing information that validates the claim. HE DIDN'T KNOW I HAVE MS OR WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR!!!!
I could have killed sonically but didn't say a word as I am polite. I didn't swear I just let the feeling bubble inside me. I did ask how I can make sure this doesn't happen again and "what do you need from me?" and he said he will send the relevant forms with a request for information from my GP. The investigation has been cancled...I haven't left the house even though I had plans to do so. I am also trying to keep calm. Any amount of stress just knocks me and I turn into mush. Now to get back to feeling good again. I have one day before I go out!
Not just going clubbing but really clubbing!!!! I really cannot wait. My myspace has a track playing of who is playing. Till 04:00 AM. Hmmm the recovery time is going to be murder but well worth it. I have wanted to see Seb for about 8 years. Nothing like my current hippy persona at all but it has life in my eyes and that's the point isn't it. Jen has made a point yesturday that she is looking for work in my area and may want to move in. I will love it if she does. Fingers crossed eh! I just need to rest up and hope for good things. I am so excited.
Going out to a night club on Saturday so I am going to rest up. Take the bull by the horns. Get back on the horse...Whats with all the animals? I am going to try something I haven't done in quite a while, going out to get drunk! Should make quiet a read when I get back... If I get back. Lets see eh! Are the disabled suppose to have a good time in a night club?
And I like it. There is a guy that lives in my old flat(I miss it so!) and he plays guitar. He has been training me. I think he is a really good teacher. He brings his guitar round and we play a couple of tunes together. I am not great by any means but with his training I can see myself playing a tune soon. Chris rocks. He is cool. First tune he played for me was by The Animals House of the rising sun. Great 60's tune If you click the link you can see the tune being played by the group themselves.
If the link doesn't work...Watch it here:
He has given me a few books to work my way through and says I should be up and running myself soon!(I hate that analogy being in a wheelchair and all!) I am really starting to enjoy it so you may get to see something from me this year. Maybe...
Jen is round tonight and staying for a couple of days so updating is pretty hard for me at the moment. If anything major happens I will let you know. When I return I will want to cover a few things that cover us all. I just need to look up how to tell you all. Anyway... Have fun guys. Dave
Spent another amazing night with Jen. She makes me so happy its sickening.lol! I feel alive when she is with me. All my troubles seem resolved when she smiles. I could spend the rest of my life trying to keep her happy and be happy myself in doing so. So alive in music at the moment. Have a listen to this: Metric - Empty
Even that seems happy to me! I won't bore you with my happyness! I will see here again at the end of the week.
Sometimes you just need to kick back and relax to get you back to normal. My sister gave birth over the weekend to a little baby girl. I haven't met the new edition to the family yet(photo on my dads blog>>) but I drank to her health with my father anyway. The 'wet the babies head' drink is always needed after a birth. Its like a cigar thing for non smokers! Not essential but more like tradition. I get back to my own house later today and I cannot wait. Jen will be there tonight!
I have had some time to think this weekend, which is always a bad idea for me I know. I will update tomorrow with my idea. For now just listen to the tune and I will update then.
After a great weekend and feeling greatly happy I started reading research on the Internet. Maybe my searches are heavily influenced by my state of mind but I found this:
Strange but I could see the the possibilities with it. It leaves me with many questions. Many possibilities. Many "What if's"!
Did I really have that bad a time with my ex? Was she really the cause of my depression? Is ms just a depression? Is it really a hyper depression that is doing this to my body? Am I so intelligent that I can harm myself with negative thought? Is the power of the mind that strong?
I remember the quote "Man only knows one 5th of 1% of anything" and it seems strange to admit but I am starting to think that PMA may have another fighting chance. Intelligent enough to harm myself, to hurt myself with my mind???
If thats the case... I have to start looking into this again. Right from the begining. I have to. I want to have a life with Jen and I would hate to think that I would miss out because of something my ex did to me to make me depressed.
Presumption or assumption, confusion and suppression runs amuck.
Could it be the case? I need time to process this. I am right in two!!
I love her so much! Its like every second I spend with her makes me closer to a normal life. I could spend the rest of my life trying to make her the happiest woman alive. Everything I do I want to do with her. She makes me feel unbelievable. There isn't a word that describes how happy I am with her. I will be some time in recovery. I won't be long honest. I am so happy its sick!
(grow a new heart maybe?) Sorry but its in my collection. No ms news today from me. I have been reading into the dreaded stem cell research....I am really not sure we will find a ms cure here unless they find away for repairing nerve damage and nerve scaring. I don't think the Dave I was will return to 'normal' ever again.
I am sick. I will be sick. I just am! Hey ho!
Reading the research gives me hope for future generations but I guess its just my turn. If you know anything about stem cells you will know this: There are two places to get them. The umbilical cord. The biggest bank of stem cells are found in the cord. You produce your own too. These are found where you grow your own blood. In your bone marrow.
Research into stems cells has to go to the biggest bank but what are the researchers hoping to do with them?
Stem cells are the building blocks of life. They can develop into any of the cells that make up our bodies, from our vital organs to our bones, blood and skin. If that's the case. What do they want to build? Organs are good for some diseases. Heart and lung, kidneys. I can even see how it could cure diabetes I can even see how it helps with helping other diseases but I am struggling to see how it helps with ms. Even if it rebuilds the Myelin sheathe we will still have ms. If you look into stem cells...They are looking for a therapy not a cure.
Sorry but that's my choice, my belief. Hopefully it will bring something more than growing a new nose. Skin is a good idea for burn victims etc but I cannot see how it helps me. Learning about cells is great. Learning about the human genome is fantastic and wonderful but someone has to start looking at the increasing amount of people who are being inflicted with ms globally. If you know my research page you know it's an antigen. Unless they look into genes or how we have the antigen in the first place we wont have a cure in my life time.
Myelin produced by different cell types varies in chemical composition and configuration, but performs the same insulating function. Myelinated neurons are white in appearance, hence the "white matter" of the brain.
Myelin is composed of about 80% lipid fat and about 20% protein. Some of the proteins that make up myelin are Myelin basic protein (MBP), Myelin oligodendrocyte glycoprotein (MOG) and Proteolipid protein (PLP). Myelin is made up primarily of a glycolipid called galactocerebroside. The intertwining of the hydrocarbon chains of sphingomyelin serve to strengthen the myelin sheath.
If you grow Myeline and you can apply it to my damaged nerves I will still have ms!
If you ask a child "Why are you 5?" they will always say "Because I am". I agree. Why are you sick Dave? Because I am.
We need to have a better understanding of the body if they want to find a cure. I don't think they will find it as they are being the 5 year old at the moment. They will be able to give you a nose job before they find a cure tho!
My cable/Internet is on the fritz...Well sometimes it is! I am not on for long as it is being updated...Sometimes! I think I just have time to give you some updates.
Name: personallog! Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!!
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