I feel like a zombie today. All I need to do is mumble "Brains errrg brains" and you could sign me up to a George A. Romero film as an extra! I know I need new flesh and bones anyway. My head is pounding and I have just started on the pain killers again this morning. I have done well over the last few weeks without any. But its kicking my ass today!
Just had a text from Jen and her father has gone into hospital today. He had a hard day yesterday. He has been driving for 8 hours to get to a holiday designation. Jen and her parents traveled down south in the car. I hope they are going to be OK. My thoughts will be with them.
I am concerned for them down south and how they are going to get back. I will deal with the tag later. I have to look after myself too. I am not telling Jen of my state today(She has no internet access for a week so she won't be able to read this either). She has enough on her plate to worry about me. I am going to lie down and listen to music today.
Police found a car bomb in London in the early hours of this morning according to local news. The bomb has not been detonated and the UK version of CTU(the Criminal Terrorist Unit) the CTP(Criminal Terrorist Police) have been investigating. This department has been on high alert since September the 11th and the attack on the US. The bomb had been found in an abandoned car near Piccadilly Gardens area in London and police have blocked the area off to the public. The type of bomb has not been disclosed and no ownership from any terrorists. Failed bombing?
Anyway...
My diary bit:
Jen left a little present to help me sleep. She left her perfume on my pillow and it gave me great dreams. I love you babe!xxxx Can't wait till your return in a week...That's far too long in my eyes!
Not much to report today. Still in recovery. Pain in my arms over the last two weeks is getting worse. I think I need a new bed and mattress. Typing is better than mouse use but still wobbley. Legs usual pain and can't walk without aid. So Joy all round there eh! Happy happy joy joy! I have noticed the Tag from MDMHVONPA but not had time to find out tagged with! I will get to it soon.
Errr no! But it almost felt like I did. Just watched it on TV, well there is no mud that way. I went to my mam's house with the help of Jen and we had a great time. The music has been fantastic. I wish I could do it one day. Pipe dreams me thinks.Hehe!
Anyway we are back and in dire need of sleep and relaxing. It has been great to see the family again and I can't wait to live up there again. Manchester is becoming such a pain to me. Benefits and neighbors are the bane in my life(I think thats a book title if ever I heard it!). Be warned there is swearing in this Vid
Today started early in my house. 06:30! My god I haven't seen that early for quite some time. Its quiet apart from the birds even inner city. It reminds me of St Annes and the loving warmth of my family. It must be so hard for Jen to even think of coming with me. I just hope I can keep her happy when she is missing hers. I know I want to try my hardest. I know I have to do a lot to make the transition run smoothly. The money situation is going to be hard. Hers as well as mine. Moving to St Annes means it will be a different borough council. I have to re-apply for all of my current benefits! Last time was bad enough. Need to change my GP to a local one(do you do that before or after you move?). Then there is the bills and the move itself!(Just had a thought that I want to stay where I am!) Its going to be difficult especially for a guy that gets his relapses under stressful situations.
I have nothing to do to day so I want to start getting things done to make the issue as stress'less' as possible for both of us. So much for nothing planed eh! It should be easy to happy shouldn't it? I will keep myself stress free... That will keep Jen stress free.
1 challenge at a time I think. It will all work out in the end. It always does. My Nana said it best: "Worry about the things you can change now not the things you can't!" Bless her and her zen like quotes.hehe!
Baby steps eh! OK no problem.
I had a bit of a spastic hands thing going on last night. That was entertaining. Typing with mallet like precision will not do my keyboard any good. Seem to have smaller spasms today. Looks like I am trying to color in a children's book when I use my mouse. The erratic wobble grates my nerves after a while and I have to stop. The shaky hands over the keyboard has the same effect. I hope this is a temporary thing. Oh and I broke my guitar. Not in the rock and roll fashion either. I couldn't slam the guitar into the amplifier, its to expensive! I think the port has disconnected itself internally in the guitar I might have to get a soldering iron inside it. More of a expense! Joy of getting to know your guitar part one. The lesson has been learnt!
Woke up this morning with a Biffy Clyro tune in my head. I was happy. I am happy. Went to the shop and bought the usual things I get, food, drink and the usual sausage roll. It seemed to be a normal Saturday. It was on my return journey that something happened. I was waiting for the bus outside the mall, there are a number of bus stops there and a bus pulled up. People got off the bus. There was one guy, he was older than me, leather jacket and long hair. He took one look at me and raised his eye brows and nodded as if to say hello. I did the same to reciprocate and acknowledge his greeting. This got me thinking. He looked older than me and I am worried about how old I look.
I know I am still acting as a kid. Not exactly as a child but I got the first ever thought to...."Am I getting a bit to old to act as I do?" The wheelchair just emphasizes the fact that I am. Why do we all try to be like that? Trying to relive our youth like we missed something the first time! It doesn't look good to see someone not acting their age but we still do it. Is it just because we don't like the fact that we are closer to death than we were?
One of life's questions eh! I think I am just going to enjoy life for everything it has to offer. No matter how old I look doing it. You know...The denial route! huff!
Anyway here is the track which I woke up singing....It fits this update perfectly! Biffy Clyro - Only one word comes to mind
I don't know which is worse, having ms or aging disgracefully. I think I am doing both perfectly!
Oh Biffy Clyro's new album review...What have you done guys jumping on the American rock band wagon!!!! Your first album was so much better. Its good but you had it so much better when you were an individual band. I hope you make loads of money from it and come back with the original stuff like the track above. I havent woken up singing any tracks from this new album yet though. Just one fans thought.
I seem to dam myself with advertisement of forethought. So I am not going to say anything more of yesterdays update till I have been and enjoyed it. I have mild pain today and I am sure its the thought of enjoying myself that did it. Jen is coming tomorrow and I can't wait.
I have an idea of what to do to increase my chances of well being in future but I think I have to go through it to try it. Long term well being....Hmmm I wounder?
Been out. Got some "bits and bobs" from the shop. Came home and started some code. New editions to the blog roll to the right include two new member to my family. Photo's of kids and members of the rest of my family. There is a pic of me there too. There is also a new member to the ms family too, please do check them out and say "Hi".
I am tired today. No pain. Just the normal numbness. Oh yeah I have a new best friend. Check this out. I was thinking of calling her "Fanny" but I think the 80's did enough for the UK sitcom scene to embarrass us all. I don't need to jump on the band wagon do I. Anybody got any idea's? At least she keeps me cool in this banking heat. Is Fonzy also a girls name? He was coool.
I did it! All the way there and back again. What a gathering. Its so warm over here at the moment. I think I have lost some weight. BBQ rocked. Most of the family getting drunk and feasting on dead animals. Fantastic!!!
I missed Jen loads. She went out to a night club in Manchester and got "Hammered!". I think it will be a good idea for her to spend time with her friends while she can. When we move to St Annes she will miss them.(It's not like she is loosing them or anything but she will miss them.) I want to make the move as easy for her as possible. If I could take them all I would. I just want her to be happy. I know she will be happy up there. My family can't wait to spend more time with the woman who makes me so happy. I will not say what Pocketpunk said but its all looks good for Jen and me. I can't wait to see her tonight. I got Jen a CD and errr.... I have just realised a track from it. Well I will let you into a secret. Do you think she will be swayed by this: Bjork-Declare Independence-Live
That might be a bit forceful eh?Hehe You have to laugh. Sorry babe. Enjoy the present, I had no idea honest.
Been out today and got cash for my journey tomorrow. Booked cab and packed a bag. Mp3 player, clothes and resting up. Journey on my own should be good with my mp3 player. When I return I will write a review of the CD from last update...I do like it though.
Oh I added Jen to my blog roll on the right under the family section so do pop in and learn a bit more about her. I am sure she will like any comments. She is moving in with me!!!! But still some time to go yet.
Received the new Biffy Clyro album this morning(Puzzle). I will review it once I have listened to it. I can't turn off the Cinematic Orchestra yet for some reason. I just know its going to be used in an American soap opera somewhere. CSI or something like that. Its a beautiful album. Jazzy and uplifting so I know someone will pick it up.
Its really warm outside at the moment and its starting to effect me. It may have something to do with the recent relapse I just don't know. It gets warm and I hurt I know that for sure! I have been planning to travel this weekend on my own and try out my mp3 player en route but if its too warm I might cancel. Either that or load up on pain killers and risk it.
Jen is back tonight and I can't wait to see her. There is even talk of her moving in with me as she spends so much time here.(If so then I have to alert the benefits first!) She is going to try a week with me first just to make sure she wants too. I don't blame her.Haha! Oh she has a blog now and I will link to it soon. I want her to spend a week on it first before I do!haha! I also have two more blogs to link up here from my family that have pictures of my family. The new editions to my family tree and the very proud parents want to show the kiddies off! I want to ask permissions first.
I have had the beautiful Jen looking after me. She is the glitter in my life! Biffy is my new band for today. The new album comes out tomorrow and I have it on order. I was listening to these guys when I went to Scotland(the country of where they came from!) so over a year. I love Jen.
Biffy Clyro - My Recovery Injection
My older brother introduced me and I owe him thanks!
Ok ok! You can drop the shouts of "Shove it!" the short answer is nothing but think. Most of my thoughts are generally dark and full of melancholy when in the relapse phase. But this time I have been lucky enough to receive some music through the post. Its not the usual rock music either. Its the latest edition of works by
The Cinematic Orchestra : Ma Fleur
Its the most beautiful album I have ever heard. Don't just take my word for it. here is a few quotes from the album cover.
"Soul power at its deepest and profound. Capable of real wonder" Mojo
"An immensely moving, utterly distinct night time world which is a pleasure to inhabit" Guardian
"A truly spectacular album...You'd be very fortunate to hear another record this incredible this year" Word
Q "Achieves a rare kind of poise, hovering between jazz, soul and orchestral soundtrack. They have never sounded so convincing than on this."
Observer Music Monthly 4/5 - A Top 10 Album "Something Special."
Blues and Soul "The Cinematic Orchestra move closer towards a plain occupied by no other. Honest and pure. Jason Swinscoe's compositions stun with their originality." I am a fan of there works. I own all of there albums but non have made my soul move this way. Maybe its a relapse thing to have all my emotions this heightened and elated but this is some of the greatest. 10/10 from me!!
This relapse has given me some time to think and this time its not so dark. That's what you can do with a relapse.
Name: personallog! Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!!
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