Listening to the Dead Kenedy's yesterday has awoken some thoughts of my childhood. Some bad and some great.
What was the first single I bought for myself? Well...And I am so proud of this...Through the progression of I.T I can show you the video(and if you don't know who this is throw all your music out and slap yourself!!!):
I didn't buy a live version of this but thats the only one I could find. Pretty cool eh! The shame of the next one will follow me to my grave. What was the first album.(it was bought for me) Howard Jones: I'd like to get to know you well . .. ...Ok here you go!
I believe I asked for it! I am sure there will be a family member who will shout out for that if I don't say it first! Oh and I had the spikey hair too!
So what did you buy for that first single/album? Go on do tell!
Jen is visiting me more this year and I love her more(if that's possible!) for doing so. The thing is I don't have much time for DVD's and music as much. Weird eh! I have three series of West Wing to watch. I have the complete Baylon 5 for my sci fi injection and I have 6 sites which need updating and they need some time...
I am not complaining. I am not depressed, I am just busy.
Right the music choice today is from music I listened to as a kid. You have my older brother to thank for that. Brings back memories. Wish I could have got California uber alise!lol I remember nearly getting kicked off public transport because me and my brother were singing it on the top floor of a bus and stamping our rock boots just over the head of the driver. Drunken kids eh! Those were the days!!! Jenks and the Tache in Blackpool!yey! Night clubs that scar any young kid.haha!
I have been off the internet for some time now. Just thinking about stuff. I need some time to myself...Well down time. I hope this tune explaines a little. I always turn to Massive attack when I need to...Build it up again. I will be back soon. Saving spoons eh!
Went to the shop...Forgot milk, bought a lot of fresh fruit and a bottle of rum! Made promise to myself never to apologise for being in a wheelchair ever again. Came home. Fell over when trying to get the wheelchair(she looses her name when I am angry at her!) up steps to my flat....Yes I am on the ground floor and there is only three steps!!!!
Errr yeah bad mood. This emotional roller coaster has been caused by the doctor visit yesterday. He is a GP! He works for the same bank I still work for. I haven't handed my notice in. The idea that I have to be retired off on long term illness still creeps at my door. I know I can't do it myself and I am waiting for them to do it. If I do it....I have to leave Manchester and Jen. If they do it they have to pay me off. At least that way I get to stay a bit longer. So many sad loses in the last few months. A very close friends dad died recently. My dad lost his hero last month(fantastic tirbute dad!) Michel Brecker. At the end of last year we lost one of the greatest comedy stars to ms. Its all seemed to happen over the last few months...It gets to me a little! Maybe I just need some music.... A Particularly Vicious Rumor
New Orleans band A PARTICULARLY VICIOUS RUMOR playing live at the Cattle Club in Sioux City IA Hmm that's better! Jen is around tonight so we can have a chat...A get a hug or two!
I woke up three times last night. 02:32,04:45 and 06:46. For no reason either! I have a doctor coming for a home visit today so maybe he can suggest something to help me sleep.
Not doing anything today as I am really tired. Hope your all well Dave
Tonight I have my girlfriend coming round for dinner...Thats Jen by the way as if you didn't know! I have some reading to do to catch up with you all but I will do it! I have to watch some DVD's and should be up and working soon. Its great to be back. Hope your all well Dave
Jen came to my house last night. What cool surpize!
I just wish I was not full of cold. As if having this dam disease was not enough. Having the head cold from hell doesn't help but we had a great time anyway.I just wish I could be the man she diserves. I love her so much its crazy! Roll on next time...I am off to my parents this weekend so may be off line for a while. I do hope I get to meet the new member of my family. Her picture is just not enough.
Blogger has been a great help with my release from confinement. It been a great place to meet the fellow inflicted and learn about treatments for ms. Without it I wouldn't have met many of you. But(there is always a 'but') there is some days that I just....Don't want to be reminded of the fact that I have ms. I do try to hide it. Just look at the title of the blog "ms not just a diary" its hidden even there.
I don't want to hide it anymore. I cant even "be bothered" to give false face anymore. This is a nasty disease! It horrible! Its hideous...Its just not fair!
I am loosing faith in research. I am loosing respect for the government to have the ability to help us. I am not loosing my ability to survive on a day to day basis but I can't do all the leg work. The Evens - All These Governors
I have read another report today about stem cell research being blocked by California governors(never watching another Arni movie again!)! Its like they read the title of any research grant application and if it has anything like the words "stem cell" they auto veto! Maybe thats why I am loosing the fuel to fight.
I am just run down. Hiccups have returned. I have a cold! I can't be bothered!
My day started with Jen...At 05:40 AM! Shame she has to work today.Awwww! Dam early but....Awwwww. I love her so much! Her hand made card is going to take 'pride of place' today. I love you babe and thankyou.
Its cold in my flat. Really cold!!!! Freezing in fact! Having two duvet's on the bed just makes it harder to get up.(and that's hard enough with ms isn't it?) The boiler in my flat has had "issues" since before I moved in. This time the ignition doesn't do its job! I have called the estate agents who I pay my rent to and I am awaiting a call back.(just got a call saying they are on the way!yey!)
Being cold has given me time to look in on youtube.com,I needed something to make me laugh and I found this:
Hehe! That covers.
I think I will search for something to make me laugh every day from now on. It gets rid of any depression that's for sure! Sad feelings/depression is never needed eh.
Jen was here last night and she will be here tomorrow night too.yey! Having a great time with her but she isn't well, got a nasty cold. No drink. I just want my boiler to work so we are nice and toastie warm. Two duvets tonight for me I think while I am on my own. On the ms side of my well being...Just tired but you know how the cold reaction goes. Small pain in varied places...Joy!
Maria has just left for her second interview to day. Yes that's right, her second one today! Not only that but I am storing a freezer for a second neighbor as his electric is shut off. Storing and supplying it with electric to store his and his girlfriends food! I am also waiting to hear from a friend that is having family problems with his father in hospital.
I am tired...Really tired. What would happen to them if I went back to work eh! I am not complaining as it gives me something to do that's not wrapped in my own stuff. I wanted to meet my niece this weekend...Ce la Vie(eh!). Moving my plans to next weekend and I have got some beer today to relax a bit. My want to be a hermit is lost in this flat! Maybe not a hermit. Just and easy life would do.
Karma owes me big style! When is Jen coming home? Yes - Owner of a lonely heart
My heart isnt broken just lonley. Enjoy the tune....And hury up please Jen I love you babe!hehe Hope you all well Dave
Sophie age 24. Beautiful young lady. She chooses to video blog and this is the first of her input's. Music by David Grey. Please drop in to her page on youtube and give her a cheerful note. She has many updates but watch this 1 first.
Her video 'like someone in love' made me cry. I love Bjork anyway but the relevance is fantastic:
Sophie has her own web site too click the new link to see.
The thing is there are more people who have the guts to do video blogs there than there are to do the written word. Take a look at Tricia story:
Single moms eh! Big advert for the ms society there. Taking about single mom's
Day 1!
We have Kelly with a Refib shot:
We have to do something don't we. 200 people diagnosed a WEEK! I think this US based but...its still a massive amount. Too massive.
We are not alone. There is many people out there who have this just like us. If you go to www.youtube.com and type Multiple Sclerosis in the search engine you will find a plethora of people.
I am not just talking about the weekend either. I have been in serious thought over the last couple of days, yes in between drinking, but I know I have to change somethings in my life.(cue the music!)
The two EE's at the top of this page had been given the title Electronic Epitaph. I don't think its quite right. As I read over the work that I have done, the hours at this desk worrying about ms and writhing in pain. I think to myself that the name should be more like Egotistical Endurance and not an epitaph. My childhood is over as I now know, that I am here for a short while. Life is short. We all die and that is a fact. Its what we do while we are here that counts......Isn't it? Do I try and join the masses and try harder than them to be the best of the best? I don't think I have it in me any more. I am going to do something else. I need to change gear and work towards longevity rather than fight the ego battle that society plays on people. I am going to try my hardest to be happy. If your not happy you don't have any fight left in you.(that statement is for me not you!)
That being the case....I am going to be trying to be the happiest hippy I can be from now on. I don't want to follow any one's idea of happiness. Thats not finding my own! I am going to be using my energy to be happy while not causing any pain to others. So maybe egotistical is not quite right eh?
Best quote from this weekend has to be this: "Talking religion to an Atheist is like trying to explain cheese to an alien"
Ego aside. Stay happy and live long! Thankyou for all the birthday wishes. Your all stars! Hope your all well(Its great to be back!) Dave
OK I think that does it. Jen is going to be here for a couple of days so I won't be around for a while. Enjoy the music and I will see you after... Stay well. Dave
Yeah my birthday falls on groundhog day. Its just another day eh! The film Groundhog Day almost covers my feelings on tomorrow. Its just a day that repeates itself over and over and over from now on! Well this one is not fiction. My life is exactly that..its mine! This year is a bit different to last. Its a leap year(Its not!)...OK that's the best I can think of. I am in a different flat. I am still very happy and in love with a beautiful woman.(that's something I will never change but...) But I am older.
Well its my diary and I am happy to report my feelings over tomorrow. We all have to get older. I just have one question...How do you do it gracefully with this disease?
Just shut up and except it I guess! Hope your all well Dave
Name: personallog! Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!!
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