First I just want to point out that the sombre music is nothing to reflect my state of mind. Just some more music from my collection which I thought you might like. Enjoy. Incubus - I Miss You
For the 3rd time in the past six months I have been mistaken for young lady. The look that I gave the young lady this morning told her that I am a man. If I hadn't shaved this morning she would have known staight away. I know Jen doesn't like facial hair on me but I have never grown a beard before and I am tempted now. I know I have a deep voice and I think that will do for now. Dont treat me like a woman when I am a man!hehe. At least they didn't think I was an old woman!
I know I want to be working properly when Jen gets here. So today is a day of rest without any stress(I know the minute I say that it's not going be stress-less!). Today I am not going out or doing anything physical apart from having a shower. I did get a new watch through the post this morning. There was a mass of packing for this small sports watch. So much cardboard I think a tree died to make it.
Its strange how much management you need to manage your "Awake time" with ms. I find it hard to explain to someone without this disease. You do too much today then tomorrow is broken. Yeah that seems to cover. The thing is...When Jen gets here we will probley watch TV anyway. Sat down watching TV or DVDs doesnt take to much energy but if we want to have an adult conversation then today will have to be restfull.At least now I can time myself eh!
Right I am off to rest now. My right hand is a bit better and I will get back to typing again soon. I will be back on msn messenger soon so speak soon Jaime.
Jen is slowly moving in. She had her own tooth brush here for quite some time. She has had a few shower things here for some time too. A hair dryer, deodorant and all the little things have drifted in above the last six months. I have felt that I have been needed and loved every time she brings something. Its kinda sweet to be needed. The last thing she brought round is an exercises bike. So how much exercises can I do? Will it effect my health any more? I know my arms are reaping the benefits from driving Clair. Maybe its the same for my legs too!
I need advice on this. Please do leave a comment if you are in the same way. What do your Doc's say when you have ms and you want to work out? I know it will be good for cardiovascular heath(Yes giving up smoking will help too!) but how much can I do before it works against me? Everytime I have asked my GP he sort of side steps the answer for long term benifits. Will I be making a huge mistake by being 'pro-active' and riding the bike or will I be racing toward a painfull existance? Yeah doing to much must be bad for fatigue but I have not read one report thats say's 'Don't do it'!
I was thinking of doing 1 hour a day listening to my MP3 player. After a week review the difference. What do you think? Let me know! Hmmm Survivor - Eye of the Tiger
After my update yesterday I fell over 3 times......IN MY WHEELCHAIR!!! Must have a budding wizard trying to curse me or something. The thing is.....I am all ready cursed with ms so leave me alone!!!!
I am not one for believing in fiction but that's a bit much. Sorry.
Jen came over yesterday and stayed over. Can't wait for her to move in. I love her so much. She rocks and keeps me level headed when things get to much. She returns on Thursday. Jen hug's rule!
How does this impact my life? Well....Its has been wet in the UK yesterday and will be more wet and soggy tomorrow. Record levels of flooding in the south of the UK and suspected up and coming in the north where I am. I don't like Harry Potter. I haven't read any of the books but I have seen every cover held by a passenger sat in the disabled area on public transport. Buses, trains and coaches will all break loose with people of all ages reading these books and cutting all travel for disabled patrons! As if the rain and flooding wasn't enough.
I am glad its the last book. Once everyone has read the book(I suspect in about 1 month!) I might be able to park my wheelchair'ed bottom in the area provided for my wheelchair. I hope its a good book. I hope its enjoyable. I hope your not too engrossed in it to notice the disabled bouncing around the bus because they can't sit where your sat! Please look up from your book if traveling! If not...rip out the pages and use them to soak up some water from the overflowing rivers and lakes here in the UK.
Metallica - Orion/To Live Is To Die/Call Of Ktulu (Medley)
Had a day of music(Metalica specifically) and searching the Internet. I have been invited to join another website. www.facebook.com I saw the site on the news this morning as people have been placing to much personal information on it and there are to many 'bad people' out there in the ether who will abuse it. Shame as it is a great site! I have met up with a few old friends and typed out a news report to all.
My right hand is having difficulty today.
Maria has been round a couple of times today. I am pained by her trauma's. Every time I get involved with someone else's life that way it, to use a Jen'ism, 'Negs me out'. I wish I could just click my fingers and solve her problems. Second to getting rid of ms of course but you know what I mean. Any stress kicks my ass I don't need it from other sources. I have my own stuff to deal with.
Right back to music and relaxing before Jen gets here tomorrow. Can't wait for a Jen hug.
Its been a strange day today. I requested the day off from Maria saying I need a day to myself. I said I want to watch Sex in the city that I bought recently seasons one and two. I thought about painting or drawing but senseless TV works in my favor every time. I did pick up my guitar and strummed needlessly with no sound on the six strings. I resorted to going to the mall and I was pleasantly surprised at the skill that I have on Clair. My arms are rested and I have the speed that I had before. With this new found strength I had a strange feeling. I think I want to do a marathon to raise some cash. Should I? Could I? I would need a new Clair but I think I could do it with some working out. I think I should work on the moving house thing first maybe. I think staying away from Maria is good for my mental health.
I know Maria will read this one day. I don't want to give the wrong impression. I do consider her a friend and I wish her well....Honestly! She is strange and a bit of a mad person but I think we all are in are own way. I am just thankful with some time on my own I think. The time between Jen visits should be filled with quiet reflection and not dealing with trauma of someone else. I love spending time with Jen and I know she is nothing like Maria. I could spend all my life with Jen. We will. Although I like the time in between visits when its my own. I love Jen and I wouldn't miss the quiet time if she was here all the time.
I think I just want to get out of Manchester and the Maria thing is just the icing on the cake.
Anyway back to Sex in the city and thoughts of wheelchair marathons. Stay well Dave
I have been watching TV and DVDs and doing nothing else. My guitar is still broken and I need an outlet. I have not listened to as much music as usual as I have been busy. Maria is back in full flow. No drink just a friend who needs to use my phone and wants to talk about her problems. I don't mind. I have my own problems but I don't mind. All of these compounded issues are making a huge hole in my music time. I miss Jen. Just to hold her will make me feel better. If I had my own time at the moment I know I could throw myself in to painting or drawing or photography but I am doing the neighborly thing. I can't wait to move out of here!
It would be better if I was working towards the move. I will jump on to it today! I have at least an hour before Maria comes back from the shop so this is a brief update.
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't slow down and take a look around you may miss it"
Sorry I haven't been updating much recently. I still have some issues with typing. My right hand has a few spasm issues. Just like my legs and head. I am happy. I am deeply in love with Jen and I am still smiling like a Cheshire cat. I do hope I can make her as happy as she has made myself. We have a lot of planning to do over the next few months as we are planning to move in together. I can't wait!!!
I know I will be a lot happier in St Annes. Manchester has to many bad memories for me. Its a great place...Don't get me wrong, but I know St Annes will be better for me. My family is there and won't be an hour away if anything bad happens with my health. My brothers are big enough to pick me up if I fall. I just hope Jen will be happy too. Jen always sends me text messages on my phone to keep me happy. When we move...She will be there and will not have to. We are going to save a fortune in mobile phone charges alone.
OK I have written this with my left hand and I am now starting to get tired. I will leave you with this:
"The more we are willing to risk, the more alive we are. In the end, as we look back over our lives, the less we have to regret not doing, the happer we are."
The trouble with my land line is now resolved(I don't know if I told you I had trouble but I did) BT came out and the engineer had to climb a post outside. The replacement telephone is fantastic. For the first time ever I have an answering service on my land line. I need to record a message for it. You know: "Hi you have reached the Dave line leave a message after the tone"
The thing is.... I have resorted to "Hi this is Dave, do your thing after the beep!" and it doesn't feel quite right. I heard that on 3 and a half men, he uses Charlie but the idea is the same. I think I need a better one. Any idea's?
I will ask Jen when she gets here tonight. Please do leave suggestions and I will see what I can do.
Blondie - Hangin' On The Telephone
The oldies are the best.hehe! I was two years old when this came out!
The aftermath of the gig and drunken memories fully returned. I am not good drunk at all. Everything seems fine on the night but then I look for explanation in the eyes of my fellow patrons I am rudely awakened. Jen now knows my limits on the drink front and how many it takes before I fall over. How many I drink does effect the amount of people it takes to pick me up off the ground. Not sad in anyway just heavier. I think its about 5 then no more before I think I am a abled bodied person. I don't think Jen is to bothered until I become....No other way to say it...I became a dick.
I think I had full right to be angry when she was pushing me downhill with one hand while she was text'ing her friend with the other hand.....OK I didn't have any right. I was a dick! It seems that I turn into a very proud man of 31 and in a wheelchair, surviving the tyranny of a disabling disease....No I was a dick! No matter how you put it I am still a schmuck.
I think I have to spend some time fixing this. She said its ok but all the men out there know what that means!!!
Disabled toilets in the UK all have a lock on the frount door. If its within a bar or public place you may have to ask someone inside for access. If you have your own key, like me, you can get access straight away without having to ask. Its never nice for someone to know your..errr...movements.
Quite handy if you get out the house and you need to go!
Just thought you would like to know. I am missing Jen massively. A week apart is to much for me. It gives me too much time to think and that's dangerous for me.
I am watching to much TV. I need to read more books. May just some blues. bessie smith - st. louis blues
Britain remains on high alert and have five suspects(of which two are GP's) under arrest through anti-terrorist law.
Chemical fire in Preston UK. Residents have been advised to stay in doors untill the explosions have stopped.
Tony Blair has left office and Gorden Brown has taken over as prime minister. Can anyone spot the link?
UK has gone smoke free. If you smoke in an enclosed public place you can recieve an 'on the spot' fine of £50.
I think I have been asleep for too long. Not that I could do anything you realise but maybe I should read newspapers or watch the news more often. Hiding from sensationalist news is not the answer it seems.
But when you have it.... It makes you think of the good times and what you have when it was there.
Portishead-Sour Times
Sorry just missing Jen and listening to some old tunes. I can look after myself, sometimes things get on top of me, but sometimes it can be sour if your on your own. Great vid though eh.
Name: personallog! Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!!
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