Lethargy lethargy lethargy... Its got it in for me!
My planning needs clarity. Lethargic tendencies are in control. Maybe I have just worked too hard today. The thing is I don't feel like I have done anything even though I have accomplished so much. I have been to the doctors this morning to pick up a script. I have picked up food for today. I also have made a food order on line for tomorrow. Its washing all my clothes(I mean ALL my clothes!) in the same day that's kicking my ass. Oh well...I will learn one day! Talking to my nieghbor is challenging too. She has applied for more work. She has passed the 1st interview with another place and she seems to be very confident. I hope she gets it. I don't need any more bother from her. I need to rest up before Jen gets here on friday. I realy can't wait to see her. I think she wants to do a charity fun run with me and I am so proud of her. Do you think I could do a mile for charity? I will be in my wheelchair but I think I could do it if I rest up.
Carrying a worm...EEEERRRRRGGGGG! If it was a major thing to stop relapse then I would consider it but at the moment....EEEEEERRRRRRGGGGG!!! Its just something I haven't thought about before. I am a man so can you blame me? When women have perfected carrying babies for centuries and I would really like to hear a female point of view on the parasite thing.
Awwwwwwwwwwww. She is going to be a star! Hope your all well. Dave
Still feel like kak! Maybe its just a cold or something. Man flu. Running nose, stuffy head, aching limbs....Yeah I am just being a girl. Its a cold...A really bad cold, but it is a cold. I think its something to do with the weather and the strange undrunken visits by my next door nieghbor. If anything I think she bought the cold into my house. Dam her!lol.
Well...A day of lying on my back watching TV and....I still feel like Kak! I can't even think of any good music to put on here...I am not that ill god dam it!...
*******Of All The Gin Joints In All The World By Fall Out Boy******
Just my judgement on music has changed it seems. Thier new stuff is better. I heard them on TV and they were pretty cool....Honestly!
I don't seem to have any get up and go to do anything. Sporadic pain in various places. I don't have any new symptoms so its not seen as a relapse...or is it? I just hope it doesnt last. I just knew my birthday was going to be fun. Maybe my ms doesnt want to get older either. I have to get over this before I see my girl.
Added a photo that just screams ms relapse today. Take a look if you have time. Maybe death by fresh fruit will get me through this! No I need nurse Jones:
Billy Paul - Me And Mrs. Jones See you on the other side!
And this is the first time in my life where I feel old. Yeah I can look back and be proud of somethings that I have done...And a lot of things that I am not proud of but what ever has been, doesn't stop the fact....I am getting old! Jen always cheers me up with the saying "Your only as old as the woman your sleeping with!". Yeah that works.
The next step is getting old with ms..What a joyous thought! As I get older it seems that my ms gets older too. I don't even know what a mid-life crisis with a disease is supposed to look like. If I didn't have a disease I would buy a car, a sports car with a V8 engine, but I have no idea what to do. Getting a powered Clair with "go faster stripes" just doesn't seem right. How can it be a mid-life crisis at 31...Perpetually?
Faith No More - Midlife Crisis
I think having the new edition to the family via my brother and sister in law is just a reminder of "What I should have done by now" and I still feel like a kid.
Don't worry Jen I don't want to have kids or anything. I am just feeling what everyone does at my age....Dam it!lol.
I am an uncle...Again!!! Yey! My sister in law(PocketPunk) has dropped a little baby girl(8lb 8oz) at 11:45am yesterday. I haven't heard a name yet just these details really. I am so proud of her and I can't wait to meet them both. I am an uncle...Again!!!!
I got a delivery myself. Smoothie maker and its so cute. Chrome sides, a 4 pint jug and this completes my kitchen collection!yey! Anyone got some recipe's for smoothies? Now just the bedroom...Hmmm.
******Just got a new Duvet.. 13.5 tog,King size and Black satin sheet set..Finished!hehe. Another great day...Shame about this dam disease eh! I am still having problems walking even around the house. At least I will sleep well after I get the duvet on the bed!*******
My planning over the first couple of weeks this year have been lacking of any cohesion. I am fatigued and I know its my own fault. I have about sixteen different things I want to speak about here and I don't have the energy to do so. The news has been very varied in the ms ball park. Stem cell research, Convenience food to blame statements...blah blah blah.
George made a statement to congress that tickled every green peace hippy who owns an electric car and made everyone with a four wheeler recoil in horror(20% reduction in 10 years Mr President???). Maybe the environment will be a major issue for the next (female) president who knows. I hope so! Maybe no war would be better start eh!
Celeb Big Brother in the UK makes the news for bullying and racist comments...Boring but this shows me the common social aspect of the UK intelligence levels.
First two hours of 24 have been shown on TV...And I am hooked! I hate watching it on TV as the interruptions of adverts....Its driving me mad. I will buy it on DVD as soon as it comes out, I know I will.
I have bought a smoothie making machine in a vain attempt to improve my diet...And the question of "Can you blend a pizza?" will be answered. Pizza daiquiri....Hmmmmmmm! Delivery by the end of the week!
I have paid off my loan from the bank with money I made off my shares. I paid a large portion of my credit card and will be shopping on line for the next few weeks as my recovery will take a while.
I am still happy. I am financally buoyant again. I still rock. I am tired. (this post is 666!) Hope your all well. Dave
Last night was fantastic. I hate it when she goes. I will not see Jen for two weeks now as she has the weekend off for my birthday.
Jen gave me an invite to a friends birthday party...I don't know any of them at this party. This co-insides with meeting her parents for the first time!!!! Stress...Not really but its a bit worrying. Dave on his best behavior!
Anyway... Diary for today:
Called Galen Research and awaiting email reply so I can join in with my user name and password. I believe they want to know the impact ms has had on my life and I am happy to help them. The more people that know and all that!
I received two CD's in the post(I know!), the band is called The Evens. After a drunken conversation with my brother through msn messenger I ordered the back catalogue. It was before Christmas and before I made the promise to myself not to spend too much money on music and Video's...I ordered them...so! He has that effect on my music collection. He was right with Nizlopi so I thought I would give these guys a go!
He is right tho.. They are great! Another two man band(one of them is a woman but you know what I mean) and I am starting to think that means something for some reason...The Evens - Vowel Movement
What do you think?
Ok this is what they do:The Evens - You Won't Feel A thing
Woke this morning tired. Went to GP's for blood pressure test 122/68 still fit second test 2 minutes later 121/65. The journey to the GP's was short but sweet. Its very cold outside today. I think the expression is "Brass monkeys!" but I am glad to be home now with the heating on.
Jen is cooking tonight and I can't wait. Steak!!!!
Too much Pizza,Vodka and Coke but what a great time. Its seems like my recovery time is a lot faster than it used to be. Jen has just left and will be returning tomorrow in compliance with her own new year resolution to spend more time with me. I love her so much!
I think I need a day off to fully recover. Welcome to Homer(no Doh's there please!) and good luck with the diet plan, I hope I can help if only in a base level way. Please do take a look at any of my entries on vitamin B12 as I think they may help you in the diet thing. I am thinking that the ozone depletion is responsible, along side diet, for the increase of ms in the world populace. I could quiet easily say that ms is a form of radiation poisoning from our own sun....But then you will ask me to prove it. If you can disprove my theroy thats another discusion.
I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow so I need some sleep. Right I am going to "Chill". Hope your all well. Dave
Tonight is going to be a quiet one, just my friend and myself. Tomorrow is me and Jen!YeY!
I have been out today for a beer run. Picked up some pizza too! Sweet chillies and chicken and a beautiful meat feast! Hmmmmmmmmm MEEEEAAAATTTT!!!! I am sure I have to change my diet but pizza has the five different vegetables I need per day. If I need something sweet I just have to get a pizza with pineapple. I drink too much coffee. I smoke and I drink. I have Bum written all over me! But the thing is...I am happy. I am not depressed, I have the cutest girl and I am smiling all the time.
Ok I do have a small disablment but I can live with it. I have a great music collection. I have a fantastic DVD collection so my time is always busy. But then they do this to me:
Season 6 starts in two days. Ms isn't that hard is it?(he says in hope!) But 24 always kicks ass!
I told you! 4 days of drunken mayhem. Absolutely beautiful and much needed. But now.....Just blissful recovery. I can do this. Recovery is the solemn, far too familiar friend.
Jen came and this tune is for her:Corrine Bailey Rae ~ Like A Star
Jen is my star and I love her very much. I didn't think she was going to make it but she did! We had a blast. Great things seem to happen when she is here. The dark days are brighter when she smiles. I know....Sick eh!lol
And I have a friend coming round for a beer tonight. I should be excited about it...I am not really. Is this what life has got planned for me? Just having a couple of drinks in my cell. Hmm.. There has to be more to life than this. I don't mind at all as I haven't seen Jules for a long time as he lives in London...I think it might be a bit better if Jen was coming too.
Once my friend leaves on Sunday I will have Jen coming Monday. So my plans are to spend the next four days in this flat...Oh joy! At least I am not dead!
I have some things to do in this coming week. Filling in forms, moving money around and checking up on my friends here. I think if I am going to be having this week in doors I will try harder to get out. I shouldn't complain as I have plenty of books to read and music to listen to. Maybe this is the calm before the storm or something. U2 and Greenday: The staints are coming
My research blog has a new update. All this concentration on cells is making me tired but I had to get something on there. I made a promise to myself to continue as there are a lot of people who have linked that blog to their own. It gives me something to do and makes me feel useful...well maybe.
I am not doing anything else today. I am so tired. At least I won't be spending any money eh!
Never a borrower(not the little people!) nor a lender be!
*****Giving Up The Ghost (Original Version)By DJ Shadow******
And the bank demons come back and back and back! There is one think with not working. All debt you accrued from when you had "a life" comes back and bites you in the ass. 1 loan I took out to aid me and my ex move house is now being called back. I sat and worked out that it is double the amount I borrowed. Damb interest! My own fault really. My inner monologue has been screaming "You should have dumped the bitch earlier!". There is two problems with that. 1. She dumped me! 2. I should have had more control!
I think I have it covered with the shares I got with the savings I had when I was working. Its proving to be a pain when trying to cash then in but I think I will be covered. There is two things I can do for the future and I have started the ball rolling with them but I may have too do the whole handing in my notice thing to my job. Its more of an emotional thing than anything. I know buying DVD's and CD's is going to stop for this year.(BooHoo!)
I will have to plan my spending alot better too but I am ok.I have been in worse situations before. I will have to curb my drinking and smoking...Its a health thing aswell I know but the finaces won't hold it forever. So I have been busy today. I got up at lunch time(yeah I know!) and went out shopping....For food! and have come home to fill in forms and create more post. If I let it stress me out then I know relapse won't be far behind. So I am taking it one step at a time. My thoughts are with Jaime today as she goes into hospital for her Novatrone injection. Smurf blood is a bitch! Good luck babe.
Anyway...Money! Lets look at my income from benifits: Disability living allowance Housing benifit Ill Health income protection(IHIP!) Incapcity Benifit(I need the forms for this!)
So thats it! I will let you know if I think of anything else.
Woke up this morning with a cracking pain between the shoulders. From left to right for some bizarre reason. It reaches up my neck and hurts when I turn my head to the left(Doctors all at once say "then don't turn your head to the left!") the pain goes down each arm to the elbow! I think the trip to the shop yesterday broke me. I had to go out today also. Yet again it was raining. I put on my rock boots and a hard face. Went straight out and got supplies for the goth queens visit tonight.(why she can't drink beer really escapes me) got home and played some Tool and thrashed around my front room till the pain went away. Exercises eh! Tool - Right in two
I can't wait to see her. There is a thought every couple of minutes that just tells me she will be going this year. I have to beat it down with "Enjoy it while she is here" but I know its coming. What has she got to stay for? She will be better off without me....I know she will. Thoughts of my ex spring to life... Then they are beaten down too. My god I am so much better without her!!!! Arn't I? As long as I don't fall into the trap of sympathy sex with women in future I will be fine! I don't intend any pain with this for Jen...And god knows its not a gesture to make her stay. Maybe this just the start for this one. I know I love her. She is in my skin!
Long read but worth knowing that something is moving in the right direction!
I finished Six Foot Under last night and I am still blown away by it. A great series to own and I am so glad I have it all. I think I will have to buy a new DVD player soon though as I don't think it will be able to take the beating I give it for much longer. The intermittent swearing I give it is getting stronger each time the screen jumps. I know I will get violent if it does it through the next season of 24!
Its really raining outside today. I had to go out...I will have to buy a bigger jacket that covers my legs as there is nothing more chilling than wet legs when your sat in a wheelchair...I haven't wet myself, it was the rain! Chilly knees!
Jen is coming Monday night!yey! Beer and sleep over!!! Still got candles and I think take out pizza. Such the romantic eh! So 3 showers today, two in my bathroom one just in the rain outside. My hair is having a bad day. It looks like an Afro! I think I might have to get it cut if I can't control it somehow. I think I am too old for dreadlocks and I would hate to copy Bobbeh. Maybe I should do something different that I have done before. My ears are too big for a Mohawk(yet again to old for that too!) and I have done the skinhead...Yet again my ears are too monstrously huge for that and I don't want to encourage my receding hair line! Hair tie maybe? Not going to stress about it for now.
A positive stem cells report about adult stem cell therapy! Mixed embryo research 'under threat' 8.06, Fri Jan 5 2007(ITV UK) Research into human diseases involving the mixing of animal and human embryos has come under fire by the Government.Leading scientists fear their work will be jeopardised if the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), which regulates embryo research, rejects their applications.
A White Paper published last month proposed such research should be outlawed.
The researchers want to extract stem cells from embryos that can be studied for their potential to treat diseases such as Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. By using embryos derived from animal eggs, they hope to avoid the ethical problems of tampering with human life.
The resulting embryos will be more than 99 per cent human, with a small animal component, scientists say.
The scientists were Professor Anne McLaren, from the University of Cambridge, Professor Ian Wilmut, from the University of Edinburgh, Professor Chris Shaw, a neurologist from King's College London, Professor Stephen Minger, director of the Stem Cell Biology Laboratory at Kings College London, and Dr Lyle Armstrong, from Newcastle University.
Prof Wilmut, whose team created Dolly the sheep, said that if scientists were banned from using the embryos then they would be at a "very clear" disadvantage.
Prof Minger said it was clear from the Government's White Paper that it had taken a "very negative view" of this kind of research.
The Department of Health received 535 responses to its consultation on overhauling the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act.
However, concerns have been expressed that organised groups, opposed to any kind of embryo research, made up the bulk of respondents.
Prof Minger(insert bevis and butthead "hu hu hu you said minger" here) said it was wrong for the HFEA to bow to Government pressure, adding: "They don't need the Government to tell them what to do."
Informally, the scientists were told the HFEA was "unlikely to grant our applications"," he said.
"My understanding is that they are not likely to grant the licences."
Prof McLaren insisted the research was not about creating chimeras or hybrids, but about inserting human material into an "empty" animal egg to create a human embryo and a human stem cell line.
A spokeswoman for the HFEA said policy on the issue would be discussed at next week's meeting. She added: "We will be discussing whether this research is within the law and whether we should be allowing this and then we can make a policy decision."
The thing is...If this research is able to be done the possibilities with future research within the medical field will be open to help us. "How" I hear you scream from the back of the Internet ether. If they have right to investigate further into combination cell research then they can find out where the ms antigen comes from. Not just us will benefit from this. There is diseases such as Aids and Cancer will have further possibilities as this will help in creating a blue print for antigens responses and reactions. If one of you asks "What is an antigen".....I will point you towards my research blog on the right of the screen and scream(and pick up the peaces of my broken ego)!
Yes they are talking about research. Any part of looking into finding a cure is a positive thing. Anything that educates in this field must be good eh?
Yesterday started with the new year buzz. Quite happy with returning to Manchester and reading the first post of the year I found I need to fill in more dam forms. I have been living on an insurance payment from income protection. Its just a renewal form but still! I brush off the form and start watching West Wing season 1 that I got for Christmas. I was not even thinking about ms and they drop in that the president has it. Auto sad Dave. Awwwww! I grit my teeth and again I shrug. Why is it that I have this want to have something in my life that isn't disease related...Specifically ms.
Am I hiding from the inevitable? Whenever I get 'the death clause' thought I always turn to my salvation of Six Foot Under. There is nothing better than laughing at the dark, black humor. It reminds me to have an open mind to the complex life questions, the philosophy the whole "Why me" and "How the France?" questions in my inner monologue. Its when I came across this scene that I knew to cheer the hell up. Well watch it and make your own decision(there is swearing involed but it is very striking and possibly the best message I have seen in modern day TV!): Happy Dave again. Something I believe alot of us should watch! My brother especially!
Good wishes out to Jaime this week as she goes into hospital(Again!) for her own trauma this week. Smurf blood visit for her. Please check in Amanda I miss you babe and I am thinking of you and the kids during this difficult time. I have some TV to watch and lots of reading to do with everyone's blogs. This is going to be a busy year for my sister inlaw and I wish you the best babe. I wish life could be linear and loving for all of you.(I mean straight forward for all of you, I am just not sure I have used this in the right context. Life eh!)
As the joys of the Christmas holiday come to a close and the new year starts I like to take some time to reflect over the past year...OK now that's done bring on the new year!hehe!
I am happy. Very happy. I spent the closing moments of last year surrounded by kids, family and alcohol, the amount of alcohol would make an alcoholic blush. It was really good time and very refreshing. My family seemed to be pleased with the presents I got for them. I got a CD for my dad which played and repeated to the extent that I think it has to be sound track for the family event. Steve Tibbetts rocks! I have made a few resolutions for me. Well...When I say resolutions... I don't see it the same way you will.
I think a resolution has to be achievable and worth something to the person who makes it. Some people say "I am giving up..." or "I am going to loose..." and I see that as a false promise to yourself. You might be able to give something up or loose the weight but I don't see it as a positive promise to yourself. Maybe I have failed to many times in the past when saying that. I prefer to say "I am going to do this, this year" or "This year I am going to...." so here they are: This year I am going to get a tattoo. This year I am going to get a guitar...Its next year when I want to learn how to play.
And that's it really and I think I will do it very well. Oh and Ralph Towner(definitely god like in his art!)and Steve Tibbetts are my hero's. Ralph sounds like this: I have no idea if I will ever be able to do that but I will have fun trying to give it my best shot. Thats life isn't it? Give it your best shot and be happy while your doing it. I am happy with music and love life when I hear beauty like that.
Talking of beauty....I have seen Jen already this year. She looked fantastic...As usual. This year is going to hold some horrible times with her. She is going to be leave with her parents and thats going to be hart renching later in the year. I am just going to enjoy the time I have with her. Live each year as it where your last eh!
I did notice one thing while I was away. My 75 year old grandpa was having a bad day with shakes in his hands. He did try to hide it from everyone but I caught him. I recognised the wobble as my hands do the same on a bad day. I asked if he was ok. He said its just getting old and it happens some days. That made me laugh. I think I might be getting old too, 31 in a month,hmm life eh!Hehe!
Its good to be back. Hope you all are well. Dave
Oh forgot to mention...This year will bring two more members to my family. Both my sisters are pregnant so I am going to be an uncle.....again!yey!
Name: personallog! Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!!
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