Sunday, April 30, 2006
Where is that remote???
Johnny Cash did NIN! OMG! Sorry but its a tune from the weekend! Jen and my little bro took over the stereo and I didnt mind at all. Cool friday night and it has just carried on...and on...and on!lol I need my friends for things like this. I know I cannot get drunk on my own again. I have got Jen coming back on monday and she is staying all week...We finish the week with Dresden Dolls and then its back to work(I said that without laughing too!) but I think the gig is going to be the highlight of a bad couple of months and after that.....I have a week before the JUMP!!!!!

Thanks for getting in touch Steph and I hope everyone is ok!
Take a look at this!
I WON THE T-SHIRT!!!!!! I have never won anything before!yey!
posted by personallog! @ 10:32 am   0 comments
Friday, April 28, 2006
Happy again!
Happy again! She spent the night here and we got drunk with me little brother and my mate Jools! Lots of drink and only one espisode of wobbly legs! All stress relieved! Received CD's through the post(last cd to complete my Nirvana comlection and The Magic Numbers album, hence the music this morning!) Having a great weekend and I think its been needed. Still got things to unpack but I am so glad I spent time with my family. The moment when I felt most happy over the last week was when my niece fell asleep on my lap after her first full day at nursery...what a moment to see the ginger beauty in my life to finale rest with her sick uncle Dave! I nearly cried. I know! How soppy!

I will sort the code out to get all the links back soon honest! I just need to spend some time on it...sorry guys!

Jen pointed out that a year last Monday, Sinead and myself broke up and that may have something to do with feeling bad.....The subconscious is mad isn't it!
I am happy today and I hope you are all in the same boat!
posted by personallog! @ 12:27 pm   2 comments
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
The only thing that your certain of is uncertainty!
I lost it a bit last night when I received an email from Jen saying that she wasn't coming on Saturday she would be at mine on Sunday. I think I have upset her...Well she deleted her blog(again!) so I guess she is upset with me!

I am starting to feel like a thirteen year old boy again saying "he said she said!" and to be honest I am bored! I want my friends to be a definite, I want my friends to be there! I have too many uncertainties with this disease I WOULD like at least one thing in my life to be certain(I mean more than the impending death that we all face!!!). I just saying it would be nice to be consulted about something's! I give you an example:
"Dave today you won't be able to use your right leg to its normal capacity and will be running at 82% efficiency"

"Thankyou there any leaway on the 82%?"

"Errrr...well I might change my mind at about lunch time but dont eat pasta or I will knock you on your ass and make you PAY!"

So you get the right idea yeah? 82% is an understatment but what I am trying to get across is there some uncertainty already and I am sick with it! When you get people letting you down its just like there is 3 people in the last conversation and it would go a bit like this:

"Dave, today you will have a head ache that will feel like your being passed through satans butt crack."

"Oh thankyou oh masterfull ms"

"Thats fine Dave maybe I will let you off at 18:00"
"Excuse me no you wont!I am Dave's friend and I will be giving him a sence of lonleyness, hate and self loathing at 15:00 which will last till midnight.Oh I forgot the side order of self pity"

"Thats fine by me but I will have to ad pain and a worrying bowl movement"
"Yeah I feel like sh*t anyway Why not kick me while I am down!"
"Shut up Dave WE are in control here, its not your life anymore"


Do you get the idea now? I havent even touched on the heat being a issue!

I have had 5 different mates cancle on me over the past month and it's not right! I have been there for all my friends when ever they have needed me. The shoulder to cry on, the rock for mental stability(ok maybe not mental!) but I have always said you can come to me with a problem and I will listen, but more importantly I WILL BE THERE WHEN YOU NEED ME!

Well I cant even run away now can I! I am sorry if I upset you Jen but I hope now you can see why I am!

I have come away to spend some time with friends this week and family at the end of this week. I will be back in my flat on friday night where I intend to get really really drunk,Just like I did last night.
Hope you all ok!

Just a reminder that Kims t-shirt is up for grabs on ebay I am winning at the moment so click her to beat me! Go on its for charity!
posted by personallog! @ 8:45 am   7 comments
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I need a Battery shoved up my ass!
Time to wake from this fatigue with some old school rock! I am coming out of the dark and getting back on there horse of constant work again! Bring it on! I have missed so much but got very close and personal with a square foot on the ceiling! There is nothing you can do but except that your body just needs the rest. When you have ms you are working all the time even if you are in rest. Its hard so get ready to watch a lot of TV and videos. It gives your mind time to wander and develop a firm phycosis which is not good. Best cure for that is to except it is going to happen and wait. I know I have a few day of it left but I am on the fix and have nothing but the good times ahead. It falls right on time too! I have a busy schedule coming up and need to be feeling good especially for the Dresen dolls gig! I want to go and will only miss it if I have to dance while I am there!lol!

There is a couple of thing I want to thank you guys for, the constant chasing through emails, the reminders and virtual hugs. I love you guys to but.....I cant believe you have a top ten and dont include anyone not from the states!!!! Geese!

I have some catching up to do with everyone but I will be back up and working to my normal standard soon!

I hope you are all really!
posted by personallog! @ 11:07 am   4 comments
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Sort of apt...great tune too!
Yesterday I was
Half the man I used to be
Oh, maybe that's because
You're the other helf of me
Like the spring in bloom
The summer of our love is soon
Every bird will sing
The melody of our love tune.

Send down from above
Unconditionally love
Likened to a flower
Stronger love grows by the hour
Stormy weather days
Make us go our separate ways
Where our love was so at ease
Now you got me down on my knees.

Yesterday I was
Brighter than the morning sun
Now my love is lost
And lonely days have just begun
A solitary chair
For a silent love affair
A king lost his throne
And now he sits alone.

Guess the band time eh! Have fun I sure one of you will get it! It could be something I wrote as I find it quite fitting.(it not mine!)

Thanks for all the emails...I am going 'dark for a few days! See you when I get back!

P.S I might have two tickets for Dresden Dolls at Manchester Academy on the 6th of May going cheep very soon!
posted by personallog! @ 8:16 pm   2 comments
Come on Dave, wake up!!!!!
Believe it or not I still haven't got to work today either....I think I might be missing today at the conference too! I woke up this morning with a huge pain across my shoulders and down each arm. Maybe it just sleeping funny, I don't know. If you combine it with the headache I have had for the last few days it gets me worried.

Well watching the news this morning I hear some mixed news reports:

1st. Happy birthday Queen! (god save the!) 80 yesterday! Wow!
2nd. The area that the Swan washed up on shore with bird flu has passed quarantine without any further events of any other bird catching it! I am happy about this....Honest!
3rd. Ms Walk in America will be this weekend! Good luck Mum...Hope you have all sponsored Camile,Amanda and Kim! Great way to take up the challenge! I wish I could do that, good on ya girls!
and finally 4th. My favorite player in the premiership(football or soccer in the US!hehe) Alan Shearer is retiring at 35. I wonder when I will retire? 30 at this rate!! and staying on football. Danny Wallace (ms'er)who used to play for Manchester United in the premiership is walking the London Marathon to raise money for for the ms society. He has ms and plan to finish this within 6 days. Great way to raise awareness. Click here for more information. Good luck son!

He even set up a foundation where you can find out more information and make donations click here for this bit! Good on yeah Danny.

Right I have to ask....But has anyone else developed body convultions like me? If you stand up straight and tense your leg muscles at all(like taking a step forward!) your whole body shakes! I think my ms is taking a step forward!!! Anyway it only lasts for a couple of hours in the morning and last thing at night so it must be something to do with my body being tired! The thing is I fall over alot during these times and it starting to wind me up. I don't want to be using my stick indoors. It has its place in my house and that's near the door! and It is not moving from there if I don't leave the house.

Well Jen is round tonight....Well if she didn't die over the weekend that is! Last weekend was a bit scary, I will let her tell you if she wants to tell the world. If not then I am not saying anything! I just hope she is ok. I love you babe!
I don't think I have anything else to report in but I will keep you advised if anything comes up! Jen has just cancled on me...I am gutted! I hope your mum is ok babe! I cant even put my contacts in so its probly a good idea that you dont come this weekend anyway! Enjoy the tune. Maybe one day I will wake up to you Jen!
****Goo goo dolls:Iris****
Hope you are all well!
Wobbly and shivering
posted by personallog! @ 9:24 am   3 comments
Friday, April 21, 2006
1 day off followed by 2 weeks off....just what am I going to do?
I chose this tune as it was used in one of my Quintin Tarantino collection..The second tune is an old one from my collection! It reminds me of earlier days with a collection of some of the best friends I have ever had in my life!..and they are good tunes too! That gives me an idea of what I will be doing for the next few weeks. I have this time off work as I was supposed to be moving house over this time. As I am now moved into the flat already I think I just going to kick back and relax. Something tells me I need to build up on my collection of spoons....or beer eh!(private joke with people who read Jaimes blog! Cheer General!)

Well I have the ms conference this weekend so its going to be a time of collecting information which I will put up on here!

Just been to the docs and picked up beer at a closing down super market(10 for 4.99!) and on my way there... my nemisis hit me..... the sun!!! Fell in the street again outside the pharmacy too! At least it wasnt raining this time! I dont react well to the heat and this was no different. Dave the vibrating mess in public....Again! Just throw me in the bath with all my washing!!!! Damb it I was doing so well too! I hope I get over this relapse before the jump! I am going to retire! Get of my back ms! What have I done to diserve this? Oh well I am in it now so I best put up with it eh! Roll on the "Drinking on mass" and the smoking weed and dancing girls!!hehe It just the massive amount of listening to the Beatles and the Doors thats going to be scary! Chin up eh!

Hope you are all ok!

P.S Check out the weather and timenear the site counter on right hand side of the blog! Cheer Jaime!xxx 24 type time at the top is the time here in Manchester(UK!) I have the ring tone for CTU on my mobile to! How much of a 24 geek!lol
posted by personallog! @ 9:17 am   1 comments
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Another day....Another thought!
Its amazing what a nights sleep can do for you. Ok I dont want to start this with
"I HAVE A DREAM!" type speach. I have a fear that is for sure. I know I have to get somethings sorted out in my head...I know I want to get back to work. Maybe not the job I am in but I want to be able to do something, do something well. To get some routine and get on my feet again...

Its worring me that things like this are being removed from me. Its just something else that ms is attacking me with.

I rang into work this morning and reported in sick.....again. I said to the woman on the end of the phone(Who I consider a friend now!)
"I will be in work tomorrow even if I have to crawl through broken glass to get there". She did say "Don't do that Dave!" but I know I have to get in. I have thought of something else that is giving me the power to get up and go. I will report it here when I have had a good think about it!

Wont see Jen till Saturday night now....She is spending the next two nights with one of her hareem of gay men instead. He is one part of the guys that hates me for breaking up Jen and her ex....I am still not sure about how I feel about this! I think I know how Em would deal with it and she does play alot of internal monologue here but.....I think have to be worried about ANY man that has kissed my girl no matter how Gay they are! I think it comes down to trust....Doesn't it? I wouldnt mind normally but they are going to see two movies over the next two nights....Which I want to see! I think this is just adding to stress which is kicking my ass. If it wasnt stressfull then I think I could pull through this low point without any scrapes. I dont blame Jen by any means but its not helping.

If he knew me and hated me then I would understand! Maybe its me being the drama queen. I think I just have to get on with my life the best that I can eh! I think I will go and see the movies on my own another time!

Back to the rock eh!
***Led Zepplin:Dazed and confused****
I am getting a head ache...its been here for two days so far if it lasts any longer I am going to hit the drugs cabinate! Anyway rock on! No head banging for me yet!lol
Hope you are all ok
posted by personallog! @ 9:14 am   2 comments
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
So tired! I need my bed!
I haven't been at work for a week and I really am liking my flat. Me and Jen are getting on better and I know what I want to aim for again....ish! I know I have got some thinking to do to get my head on straight again. If I am honest I know its not working in Manchester without some support. I cant exactly ring people to help me if I fall in the street and that worries me. I am strong in will but when my body fails me I need to feel secure enough to ring someone who isn't an hour away by car to get to me. Its sensible isn't it? I have friends here but have not talked to many of them for some time...They have not contacted me! Some haven't even seen my new flat!!!

Ok I don't blame them for me falling in the street, but I know I cant rely on them(that's the scary thing!)....I know I could with my family. I have a few months here to sort something out before I even consider getting things ready to make a move(the Jump being just 1 of them!). But I have to look at the bigger picture don't I? I am starting to look for a job now. Re-trainig maybe needed but I think I have proved myself by surviving here on my own for this long. There comes a time when you have to say I have taken enough of people deserting me and I need some security. I will be fighting all the time with this disease and I do need some help....even if it is just a small thing. I know I can't do it on my own anymore.

Maybe is just depression talking and maybe I will be fine tomorrow but.....I need someone with me for these days. Sorry for bringing my usual upbeat feeling down but I am honest here as I have always been and I should be honest with myself too!

Tomorrow is another day. I hope you are all well
posted by personallog! @ 6:38 pm   1 comments
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
.......In the famous words of Bobbeh.."Balls to this!"
****Dresden Dolls collection of 3***
Track 3 is very relevant....Sing! I should have had WAR PIGS! On here. Some thing to get the blood flowing again! You know you cant keep Dave down for long! Its the seed of Dresden Dolls that always gets me going! I cant keep quiet for long with the gig coming up soon! I watched the DVD again this morning and it has bought the Dave light back! Last time this happened Kim suggested Jumping out of a plane....I still have to get you back beeaach!!!!lol

Well the ms conference is this weekend and I will be going to see what I am supposed to be doing!lol! I am going on my own.

Yes I am off work still as any stress at all just knocks me on my ass. This time I am going to do something constructive and consider my future. Mine. Not anyone else's. MINE!

And now time for another of my famous lists:
1. Think long and hard about moving out of Manchester.
2. Find a new job
3. Get some regular and reliable routine in my life

Quite a challenge I know but you have to start somewhere dont you!I still have alot to do with this flat and Manchester in general(job, health care, money!) but I KNOW I CAN DO IT! I already have some interest in a 3 bedroom house near my parents but I dont want to say to much about that till its more certain. I will keep you all advised as usual when it happens! I think the idea with depression is.....get on with it. It will still be there tomorrow but deal with it when it happens! I am still alive and I want to live!!!!!
Hope you all well

P.S Thanks for all the great emails. They mean so much to me. Thankyou!
posted by personallog! @ 7:57 am   0 comments
Monday, April 17, 2006
"To mess something up is human, to compleatly get something wrong is to Dave it!"
Dave 2006!

I found that the only healthy thing about me smoking is I walk a mile to get has given me some time to think about me and Jen. If I could make a big jesture to get her here I would. I love her! I think I should make a move closer to my final resting place. Be closer to my family.....Get the support that I need. Get out of Manchester...

I always think this when depressed....
****Radiohead:3 tunes****
I think I might take some time off blogging while I sort this out and get my head straight. I am going to stay off the booze too so dont worry! I am just at a low point There are many with ms!

Be well everyone(I will be reading your blogs!)
posted by personallog! @ 10:08 am   5 comments
Sunday, April 16, 2006
In the great words of Holly! (got to love Red dwarf)
"Time is a great healer...Unless you have a rash then an ointment probley works better."
posted by personallog! @ 10:11 pm   0 comments
Happy Easter! Err not!
Yesterdays picture(below the selfpity music) is of Ouroboros(Thankyou Red Dwarf VII), this is an ancient alchemy symbol depicting a snake or dragon [DNA] swallowing its own tail, constantly creating itself and forming a circle. It was to symbolize my love for Jen,wait up,for every woman that I have ever been with. Its to show my never ending love, infinity....This sounds like crap! I am sick(in more ways than one!) of being this used and abused like a big, bag of streaky geordie piss! There is more to me than my walking stick and great music tastes(I was going to say my bedroom ability here!)! I have an internal monologue(which is slowly being adopting the very scary accent of Bobbeh!!!ffs!) telling me to be happy and get on with my life but I am finding it harder and harder to get on. Be happy that Jen has a new start to get on with, it will do her some good. I can understand the mental torment she must have been going through but I have to look after myself and this means in every way. Mental and emotional....It still sucks though.

Maybe Ouroboros symbolizes the infinite struggle of male, female relationships....No its life and its infinate wounder. Or its Dave making the same mistakes over and over again!

Last night I sat on my own drinking(which is always a bad idea Dave!) thinking of what to do now. I don't know what to do. I see Jen again on wednesday and I cant wait....well I do love her. Last night she was at a party. One day the disabled Dave will not be forgotten where ever the party is. I have to say sorry to all for future updates. They are going to get very depressing! How very GOTH of me! Is it alright to be selfish and want something for me?

The picture is my flat!An angry
Hope you are all well, happy Feffing Easter!
posted by personallog! @ 8:20 am   0 comments
Saturday, April 15, 2006
I walk alone.....


posted by personallog! @ 10:55 am   1 comments
Friday, April 14, 2006
Happy birthday highway code uk and we found you Epstein-Barr! Dam you with your swollen glands!
1)I knew Vicki(my ex,ex,ex,ex girl friend) was responsible for my ms!!! Let me tell you a story of a 21 year old Dave who wanted to look after his girlfriend with glandular fever. I was deap in love with a big breasted redhead and she had my hart(as every girl I have been with does!) in her hands! I looked after her for a couple of days before her mum told me that her doctor wanted to keep her away from anyone who was not it turns out that it might be related to ms in a big way! 12 year study!!! Click this doomed paragraph if you want to read more. I would say that Vicki was my 1st love but I am happy I didnt end up with her, her mum was scary.

2)The thing is the irish are not the only ones to to agree if you want a US/Canada study click here!

To find a cure I guess you have to know what it is you trying to find a cure for. Hopfully it is a step in the right direction eh! The Epstein-Barr antibodies have now been linked to ms! I knew my love for boobs would be my down fall!

Oh the highway code thing....I have a copy and I want to get this done and out the way soon....I know its April....I have been busy! I have to be more busy in the future too. No stress just busy! We have got you!
Have a great easter break!
******ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL (Pink Floyd)*******
Hope you are all well
posted by personallog! @ 8:08 am   7 comments
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Confidence? Where are you babe????

I was planning to go to work today....I kissed Jen goodbye as she left for the day(she is not living with me!) and for the first time in a while I felt confident that I could go to work...That didn't last long! I sat down watched TV for a bit, had a coffee. Its when I stood up and I got a pain in my left knee, that I remember very well, that tells me its not going to happen today Dave. I had a fresh shirt on. I was wearing work pants. But I just knew today wasn't going to happen....When you know, you know. At this point I knew not to push myself, so I didn't! I am going to do some work today and get the flat sorted and finally get unpacked. I know I have to catch up with some of you guys so you may see me on your own blogs but today I am going to be listening to NIN(The Fragile(Fantastic album,a bit of a change to their usual stuff but I love it. La mer is one of my favorite tracks!)) and just relax. Well I do have work at the weekend and need to keep some strength for Jens visit on Friday!hehe!

How do you build confidence in your own body? How do you? I am very close to jumping out of the plane(touch wood and cross your fingers for luck it will happen this time!) and I need to be confident that my body will be there! Maybe there is exercise I can do to give me strength. I have read that the best exercise for an ms'er to do is resistance training and I think that's the way to go. I will have a look and advertise it here when I find the best ones! Do you have any the would be a benifit? Let us all know! Were in this together now!

Steph...I want you to get in touch, you have no blog so I want to get to know you better like I do the rest of my readers drop me a line..

Please see new link to the MSRC wrist bands! They need your help!

Hope your all ok!
posted by personallog! @ 8:37 am   1 comments
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
I am a drug addict too!
****Hendrix:Voodo chile***
This was the first single I bought!

I thought this was quite apt! I fell of the anti smoking waggon yesterday and I too feel like a drug addict in my own way! Dont worry its only a short climb to get back on it! Yes I am going to do it!!!!! I know the benifits.....but I am human and have failings like everyone else. I am standing next to a mountain, Its a big climb but I can do it....just not today...but soon! Smoking does make me feel like cack!

I feel so ashamed of myself! Imagine what I would feel like when I do it eh!

Hope your all ok!
posted by personallog! @ 9:15 am   3 comments
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
For a Beautiful soul you know who you are.....

Hmmm love this. Its my day off so I am going to do what I want and take my time over it!hehe Going shopping and I am trying not to put ciggies on the list! It might be this jazz club feeling that's screaming out for a cigar! Definitely a day for the ladies with a tune like this.

Hope you are all cool,huh
posted by personallog! @ 8:47 am   1 comments
Monday, April 10, 2006
This is going to be harder than I thought...
Day 1 of the giving up smoking started about a hour ago....I ironed a shirt,got dressed and made myself I would usually...without smoking.....Had coffee,did Copaxone injection....without smoking....looked for my work pass...couldn't find it(this is at 06:45 in the morning!) Tuned on the lights throughout the house....without smoking..... Have done about 25 laps of the house, relised that my shirt is creased....without smoking....stop me if I sound like a recovering addict at ANY TIME!!!!!

Anyway, by the time I had finished getting ready for work my legs were killing me and I need to get off my feet. I think calling into work and take the day off is a good idea! I just can't believe that looking for my work pass caused so much "FREAKOUT!!!". I know I can find my pass if I could only smoke. The calming effects of nicotine would surely no no!!!!

It not just nicotine.
Arsenic (white ant poison)
Formalehyde(preseving fluid)
Acetone(paint stripper)
Butane(lighter fuel)
and this will kill you
Hydrogen Cyanide(used in the gas chambers!)
Carbonmonoxide(we will get back to this one another time! Interesting story!)

The thing is there are over 4000 chemicals used in ciggeretts, most of which are harmfull when inhaled!!!!

But they taste so nice!!!!!Dam it! Why dont they make them without all the bad sh*t in them...... Shut up Dave and let them go! Let them go!

Only shouted at Jen once!(she said at least 4 times) It was just for the 1 morning anyway!

Found the cure for that, hugs and kisses! Removed ashtrays from the frount room all lighters too! This is going to be a strange day I just know its going to be better 1 day!
Jen left to go about her day and work called me back to say that I have Wednesday and Thursday off as working over easter anyway. They told me not to worry and...RELAX!!!!! I guess I have a few days of solitued if Jen doesnt come back tomorrow.
Hope you are all well
P.s:do you know where your fund raising is going to with all our hard work?Click here and please tell me why there is 20% Administration to 14 million dollars!!!!

****Massive Attack:Live with me****

I love Massive Attack always have done,always will!
posted by personallog! @ 6:22 am   6 comments
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Last weekend up in smoke!!!
****Rolling stones:Jumping Jack Flash
Drinking and smoking will never be the same...the strange thing is that every ciggerett I have smoked in this last weekend has tasted even worse than the last and I think its my head finaly working it out for its self. I am looking forward to the extra cash that will be in my pocket...I am looking forward to my new classy flat not smelling like death in the mornings.....The biggest thing is I am looking forward to the health benifits.

Within 20 minutes - Blood pressure and pulse rate return to normal, ciculation improves in hands and feet!!(Big bonus for me)
Within 8 hours - Oxygen levels in the bloodreturn to normal(Explans why you7 can breath first thing in the morning!)
Within 24 hours - Carbon Monoxide is eliminated from the body. The lungstart to clear out mucous and other debris
Within 48 hours Nicotine is no longer found in the body. Tasteand smellimproves.
Within 72 hours - Breathing becomme easier as the breathing tube relax. ENERGY LEVELS INCREASE.
Within 2-12 weeks - Circulation improves throughout the body,MAKING WALKING EASIER!!!
Within 3-9 Months - Breating problemssuch as cough, shortness of breath and wheezing improve. Overall, Lung function is increased by 5-10%
Within 5 years - Risk of heart attack falls to about half that of a smoker.
Within 10 Years - Risk of lung cancer falls to about half that of a smoker. Risk of hart attack falls to about the same as someone who has never smoked.

***The Above information has been taken fromthe 1990 US Surgeon General's report***

If thats isn't enough I dont know what is! 10 years to get back to what my healthy body should be! Ok ms permitting! We live and lean eh! I think I am ready!

Hope you are all well and smoke free!
posted by personallog! @ 12:26 pm   2 comments
Saturday, April 08, 2006
A public carers view point!
Radio presenters wife with ms Interesting read!
posted by personallog! @ 12:09 pm   3 comments
Friday, April 07, 2006
Bring it on!
A beautiful song from my child hood! hehe! I love Ministry.

A busy day today without leaving the house. I have my leather couches and you will never guess what.... I HAVE BROADBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, rock on! I love it when a plan comes together! Just need a beer now....Oh yeah and my girlfriend to make the finale big gesture! Just make the desistion. One way or the other but tell me so I can prepair for either way. I know its a biggy but I have support things running away from me and I need to be prepaired what ever happens. I love you but I cant compete with your family and I woulldnt like to. Go if your going but tell me yeah.

Right back down to buisness. I have visitors tonight to celebrate my new flat so big drink may be planned. Em doesnt drink so we will keep it calm.
My legs are still not working properley today but I feel a great sence of accomplishment with cable being finished....just need to clean up a bit!hehe.

Bird flu has been confirmed as the evil H51N, First bird to fall was seen as a Swan(the reason for this is because they are white, large animals! God knows how many birds which don't fall under those catogries!) I guess we just have to wait and see of the out come! Bird found washed up on the shore at Cellardyke in Scotland...small fishermens dock. The news reported that ther have been 191 humans to have caught the H51N version of the flu globally of which 108 have died! Lets see what unfolds in the future...Maybe the english might be harder eh! No reported deaths in France. I have 6 chicken breast in the freezer but I am concidering giving up meat all together after that. 1st mad cow disease and now this!

Dont worry the real Dave is back and giving up smoking will be alot easier now.
Hope you are all well, I will pop in to see you all soon!
Dave(with the look in my eyeeeeee!)
posted by personallog! @ 2:01 pm   3 comments
Thursday, April 06, 2006
From one stressful situation to another....
I think I am being hard on myself but I know I have to change something about myself so it will benefit my life for the better. Let me explain....I think getting rid of smoking will be a massive benefit in recovery of relapse. I have tried before and felt benefit within days but went back to it. I went out this morning and bought my shopping for the week and included cigarettes and I feel rather ashamed of myself but I know I will feel comfort with smoking. I really want to knock it on the head but I need to set a date for a positive stop. I was going to stop on Tuesday but I don't think I set myself up properly. I have just moved house and needed some stress relief while sorting out the flat...ok I might be using this as an excuse but I need and want to stop. I have 80 ciggies on the side here and I WILL STOP after them. These will last me untill after the weekend but I think setting a date of Monday the 10th is an acheivable goal! I have been given telephone number for support from other peole in the same boat but I think I want to do this for me so self motivation is the key for giving up. All the paper work I have read have suggested nicotine replacement therapy is not truley giving up my depancy. So when I feel confortable I am going to give it up! I will do it! When you get so many people helping you with drugs....isnt it time that I help myself?

Right the news has reported the bird flu has struck the british shores and they just have to confirm the diagnosis before they compleatley lock down the area. At the moment they haven't confirmed that it is the dangerouse strane of the flu but it doent look promising!(hmm...I did say didnt I) They say it is not human effective....yet! But there is a danger of effecting animals that may attack or eat the birds like cats etc. then who knows? Worring but...

Good news on the Copaxone tho It might be more effextive than they thought, Click here!

My broadband is being instaled on friday morning so will be back fully by friday night. More music yey! I am looking forward to catching up with everyone and doing some reading too!

Hope you are all well.
posted by personallog! @ 11:06 am   5 comments
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I think the move has wiped me out!
It must be stress of doing the bills as I think I only bought my music down the stairs and my family did the moving(thanks guys!!!!). Its amazing how much stress I have been under. My legs are....Just not working properly and my head hurts. I feel like such a wimp. I did do walking yesterday but I had no chance today. The thing is...I am in and only have a few things to do. The pilot light went out on the boiler this morning and have only just got it back on. A long bath for me I thinks!

Had a phone call from work (HR) and I told them that are resonsible for taxi fares, I even told them how to do it with claiming for it, they had no idea! This week off is a direct result of the crawling in the street and moving. I do mind the street crawling if I cause the issue by drinking to much!LOL

I have a house warming planned on Friday night with Lee and Em and I cant wait. Jen is coming to stay for a couple of days starting Sunday night and I have loads more unpacking to do! I have my couch coming Friday(2 piece black leather, 1:3 seater and 1:2 seater) and my flat will be complete. I don't care if I look like a snob with the flat either. I deserve a break and have spent to much time living like a scum bag, time for the high flyer to come out!

I am sorry I have left you with EMF for 2 days, I will change it asap.
****Chaka khan*****
Tell me if this works because I cant view it on dial up! Its a good tune tho!

Hope your all ok
posted by personallog! @ 7:22 pm   0 comments
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Your skirting boards are massive!!
Hi Guys! Got access without broadband internet and signed up with a dial up! Its only a temp thing but means I can do updates and check emails!yey!

Jen was here last night a was nursing my sore head and body. Bless her dark coctton socks(love you babe!) Dont have much to report yet apart from I bought Saw 2 and OMG its an amazing movie! I have been to the docters today and he has given me more drugs to take and a cream too which is bizar, I am not going into detail for the cream so dont press me. Anyway this is charging me by the minute so I wont be doing the messenger thing for a while(boohooo!) and updates will be music either I am afraid but I am still finding time for music in my new home(very trendy apartment,very clen and massive)! I will love you and leave you.

Hope you are all well
posted by personallog! @ 8:38 pm   3 comments
ms....not just a diary
About Me

Name: personallog!
Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom
About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!! See my complete profile

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