Tuesday, February 28, 2006
2nd full day and I have realized my job is poo!
Customer service sucks balls! I take the corporate shafting just like the rest but why am I stuggling to get in to a job that make me feel like a second rate citizen. As if being disabled guy isnt enough I have to serve the zombies that bank with my employer! I know I should be thankfull that they are still paying me concidering the time off I have had....but the trogladites that ring in for my customer service(which is slowly getting worse!) should be lined up a shot! I know the pain I feel by sitting in the crap chair they have given me,I am awaiting another replacment for my skinny butt, is making my patence run low but the intelegence level of these people is disgusting! The last call of today I felt like saying:
"well if you dont want interest on you credit card all you have to do is take 2 screwdrivers and ram the into your eyes as hard as you can! That will cure any further problems honest! I find if you place them on the table point up then ram your head in a downward motion works really well with no charges for the rest of your life!"

God damb it! Bad day saved only by the fact that my zombie legs found the strength to walk home! Why am I trying so hard to get to a job that I hate? Will it be to hard to find a job where you dont talk to the mass unclean??? I can feel my brain seeping out my ear! I have to stay there till after the jump so I can collect mony for the ms society, I have a saving plan that matures in November so I cant leave till then....then we are back at christmas!

I guess a great day was had! I was there!
Hope you are all ok
posted by personallog! @ 5:40 pm   2 comments
Monday, February 27, 2006
I did a full day! I did a full day!!!!

****Nine inch nails****
Its amazing what some rock and dedication will do eh! I felt like pooh at 15:00 so I started looking on the net while at work.....I asked!hehe! Maybe its my view point on life I don't know...But I always prepare for the worst. Its safe that way isn't it? Well I got looking for a wheel chair (to be honest I want one!) and I thought I would rather buy my own than have someone else get one for me! Might sound depressing but I want my ass to be comfortable when I am looking at ladies bottoms! I might be 6 foot and I have enjoyed looking down the cleavage.....Sorry but I am a man and I am not going to lie about something that every straight man does(sometimes gay men do too!)! If you show 'it' girl some weirdo is going to look! I have my hand up I HAVE LOOKED AND I AM A NOT ASHAMED!!

Well I look forward to looking at ladies bottoms....I am going to be in a wheel chair and it gives me pure chances....So sue me!(please don't!!hehe) lmao!
Well i though I might get gloves first!
But you need some driving Gloves click here!

The wheelchair I like click here!

Well you know I think I am happy for once and I think it has something to do with the comments from you all! Cheers guys! and ps Shannon is gorgeous and shouldn't be single!!!!

Jen is coming tonight too!yey! Happy days!
Hope your all good!

P.S Bobbeh get in touch as I have replaced my phone and not got your number! Emma the chess queen has left work and she has another job working from home! Lucky cow!hehe!

**Damb it! forgot to say have sent off for my blue disabled badge today first step towards the car!!! yey!
posted by personallog! @ 4:55 pm   1 comments
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Hiccups gone!
There seems to be some head messed up stuff gone on instead! I got rid of the hiccups by relaxing...meditation type stuff. I think having my head up my bum about my girl caused it! I love Jen with all my heart, all my soul, everything in my essence and it scares me! I have seen her today and there is one track that I think is close to describing how I feel!

Dont shake it off because of the name of the band!

Nine Inch Nails:Le Mer

Its a beautifull track that has been on here before when I started puting film reviews on here! It was an advert for a movie and I cant find it! Anyone remember the name of the film? When she left today my heart was wrenched out! What right do I have to put this disease on anyone else? I know I am going to find it harder in the future and I dont want to cause any upset with someone who means so much to me! Maybe its a life thing I dont know. I have come to terms with the fact that I am going to die! Everybody dies in the end...no matter who you are! Yeah its what you do when your here that counts....but I hate the fact that I am going to be like this for the rest of my life.... Its not fair! Its shit! She diserves so much fucking more than me like this!

This disease doesnt suck it doesnt have the right to be anything more than shit!

The brave face of Dave has been cracked! Broken by love for Jen! I thought I was hard in the face of this disease but its killing me! This is the first time I have cried while doing this blog....but now I am angry and I shouldnt be when I have just had an amazing weekend with her. I should be happier than ever!

posted by personallog! @ 7:04 pm   4 comments
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Bird flu......Hmmm nothing more depressing than the news!
( 6FT cock...that would be me then!!!)
There is nothing more depressing than watching the news in Feb. From an British view point....We have birds with flu 'en route' via France...Guess what they don't know how to stop it getting to our shores! They have named the flu(H5N1). They don't know where it came from. They don't know how to cure it!!!! Stop me if you see anything which rings a bell! My belief in science is being strained a little. Last out break of this 'Flu' has been seen in a turkey battery farm....The turkey's are already indoors away from external migrating birds which are spreading the DISEASE! Then how did it get in doors and why am I telling you this? Well I think its very important that WE start learning and spread the knowlage. The French farmer, after checking the birds found they had diaorrea,this is manageable for turkey farmers to get rid of! Knowing the 'bird flu' was in the country he asked for help from the vet!

The vet told the farmer to replace the ground hay as it would stop the infection spreading to the other birds...and this is the corker....the farmer got the replacement hay......FROM OUTSIDE!!!! For F*** Sake! The farmer has now lost the full crop of turkey to the bird flu H5N1! Can Great Britain keep this disease out of the country? Not if we don't use our heads! I fear a plague coming and I think if we don't get all are knowlage together and use it in the right way we(ms'ers) will be one of the first groups to leave this planet. I say we, I mean everyone who has a disease already. We are already run down can we take another?

If your interested you can find out more about bird flu here!

Its strange how ms slows you down so you pay attention to the rest of the world. Maybe its a getting older I am not sure. Maybe its depression kicking in! Maybe we have to look after our planet! Maybe I need to change the music!
One man on his own can't change the world! Can he? The French farmers are definitely having a go!
Music for today click here! The Magic Numbers These help give them a couple of minute they start to grow on ya!
Need to smile!
Hope you are all ok!
posted by personallog! @ 10:16 am   3 comments
Friday, February 24, 2006
I think I am going to die...of hiccups!
This is murder......I cant even type....they go for two hours....then they come back as if I remember that I had them then they are back!! ! This sucks!

I think I am going to write a book on how to stop them....

1. Take gun

Hold to temple and fire!

Not at work....again! I dont think I would be able to do my job anyway with these damb hiccups!

"Good *hiccup* morning, This is *hiccup* David how can I**hiccup**..help!"

Sick as a chip!!!

Hope**hiccup***....oh you know!

Note for people who have my mobile number...new phone has not got your number...long story short time between hiccups....send me a text with your name so I know who you are! My number is still the same!

Raising meney for charity must run in the family....my sister is running 5k for cancer research uk! spread the wealth people! Please!
posted by personallog! @ 9:26 am   7 comments
Thursday, February 23, 2006
woke up singing....Nirvana:Negative Creep!
So have some of this:
***Nirvana:About a girl***

Got my rock chick coming tonight(she hates the term rock chick!) so I am happy for once with this crap week! And to put the icing on the cake I have hiccups again god damb it! I dont know about you but I think it is a symptom for ms if you get them for a week!!!!

Well I have some thing to look forward to today. Shopping is coming before 13:00 and I get a new mobile phone delivered too! The number 4 had come out the number pad because I text too much...well you try a text without using G,H,I its a nightmare or 'ntmare' using that phone!

Oh spoke to Amanda through msn messenger yesterday and I think she is really funny! Great lass! Cheers for making me smile chicken!xxx

If you havent guessed I am off work again as these legs were not made for walking! You can tell I am off by the rock creeping back in! I know I will feel better when I get a hug from Jen!

Hope you all ok!

P.S I didnt relise I had been in the army to get ms!!! Sorry Harry White! I am so glad I dont live in Seattle I bet the diagnosis lasted for ever!(I love the US honest!)
posted by personallog! @ 8:42 am   2 comments
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Getting better???
er no! I had better explain....Legs still got the unnerving Elvis wobble and its driving me nuts!!! Just saying "uh hu hu!" doesn't seem to work in an empty house! Yes I still laugh at it but its the weight of pain that's doing my head in! I cant wait till tomorrow night as Jen will be here and just seeing her face will light up mine! For the first time in this relationship I thought about how much pressure I put on her and I don't want to be.....to needy! I have always thought if if I can do the whole "I can look after myself" thing then I will show my best side. The confident, the loving life Dave! But in all truth I need her! I don't mean to say I need the cook Jen or the cleaning Jen I just need the loving Jen! I know this sounds crap and my only defense is.....Behind every great man is a woman....and I think that goes in reverse too! Yes I can do the 'single Dave' but I know I am not happy without her!

You know me! I will be back on my pins tomorrow! I have been out to the shop today and bought more coffee so I will be ready to work and see my princess...in the famous words of my niece: "1 more sleep to go!"

Sorry for being so...melancholy! I think its time to watch Six Foot Under again! Allways nice to be reminded on what you want out of life with dead pan humor!
Hope you are all ok!
posted by personallog! @ 8:59 am   4 comments
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Hope the scientists hurry up!
Come on guys I am getting bored of feeling like a melon! 2nd day off this week! God damb it! Legs are crap today too! Feel abit yellow! Sorry if the tunes make you feel down...they make me feel abit better! Hope they work for someone.

The pain killers I have make me feel groggy and I had two before bed last night! Its all about chemical inbalance isnt it!You just have to find the right balance to make you feel normal again! I have to get back to work soon so I can feel like a man again. Earn a wage and look after me, my flat, my security before I can start saving again! Well I have a payrise and I need to save that extra money for a better future for us!

I just know I can do it!

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 10:29 am   0 comments
Monday, February 20, 2006
A non-drink weekend...well sort of! hehe!
Sorry for the no update at the weekend its been a strange one! Not a mass drinking binge as usual! Went to my parents and had a great laugh without drink...well they didnt!

Chance to pick up some birthday presents and there was no surprize at how well they know me! I am not going to give you a list....well ok! lol!

I got two of the finest CD's for my collection, cheers for this dad,
Frank Zappa:Grand Wazoo (this has not been off the player since I got back!!!)
Frank Zappa/The Mothers:Just another band from L.A
The best T-shirt in my collection(which I think I left in St Annes!) The Goonies!lol
Season 2 of 6 foot under!Yey!(music for this is Tomas Newman and its amazing!)
A great big bottle of Spicy rum, Captain Morgan!(cheers C and T!!! I owe you a drink or three!) and I mean a great big bottle! Its the sort of bottle you keep your coppers in! 70 proof woah!

So plenty to drink in the future even if we didnt drink much this weekend. Not that I minded the time of the booze and it was great to see everyone! I love them all!

I have taken monday off as I didnt sleep well at all last night...pain in legs even though I was lying down. Tried to take pain killers but didnt want to touch anything that would make me sleep as it will ruin the rest of the week. Well I am going to use today to catch up with you all and relax abit. I have some work to do before I go back to work tomorrow anyway, just general maintanace really for my life and get on with the learning to drive with research! Time to get some focus on me.

Hope you are all well!
P.S Welcome Jen and Shannon you make the regular read slot>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
posted by personallog! @ 8:00 am   5 comments
Friday, February 17, 2006
Buildings burnt!
having a wierd day today...it seems like the opposing limbs are fighting in my body. Left leg being dragged(like a zombie!) right leg is ready for dancing(er....like a zombie!!)...but both in pain! It sucks! I have been working on my upper body and think I have hurt my back in the process. Right hand cant use the number pad on the keyboard and left seems to be doing all the work. The mixed relationship is telling me a few things about the damage to my nervouse system but it is not making me happy at all!

Yesterday was fine and today just rocks the big shit! I can feel a big fresh batch of touretts coming on and I am sorry before it happens!

Music recently inspired by the Brit Awards! It wont last long honest!

Today is the first in a long time that I have opened a beer before my dinner...its sad I know but I am raising the glass towards Jen...I love you babe and I miss you! I need you! Bye bye to building buring! It was good while it lasted! We might do another one day!
I am off to my parents this weekend and I cant wait to see them! I am so need of a hug and clean clothes!lol!

Hope you are all well!

Interesting read!
posted by personallog! @ 2:07 pm   5 comments
Thursday, February 16, 2006
As I predicted!
Fell down in the street! I hate it when I am right!

Ok todays news! I went to work and got the pain relief sort at the right time and everything went fine(finished at 4!yey)! I was laughing and joking with the customers....and guess what! My friend team have raised £480 for the ms trust and they want it to go in my name! Like wow! they are even going to get work to do the pound for pound thing! OMG!!!

That wasnt the best thing tho! I had a long talk with my mate Michelle(the roja woman!) and she has seen another program on this morning where someone had done the stem cell therapy and she was buzzing about it! I told how much it costs and that I would probly get more benifit from not smoking....and she said something that made my heart melt!

"Ok dave we start the fund raising for you, It will take some time but we will do it. That time it takes us to raise money you can stop smoking and have a good look at the benifits from that. Once you have done that. If its great and you dont need are help we donate the money to the ms society. If it doesnt work we send you to rotterdam!"

How cool is that! One way or another I get money toward the most important charity for 2 million people. We will get a cure 1 day I swear it! If the therapy works I will do anything I can to raise awareness and get a government to back research!

I love my job....my god I never thought I would say that! I have the jump on saturday weather permitting! I rock! hehe!

Hope you are all well(we will be in my life time honest!)

*****ARRRGGGG! Jump canceled again due to water logged pitch! Rebook date 13th of May as thats after the April showers! Raise more money time!!!!****
Will I ever be with you?
posted by personallog! @ 4:53 pm   2 comments
Its 2:30 in the morning and I cant get no sleep!
The thing I was worried about yesterday(the feeling that Sinead is cheating on me) wasn't that I though Jen would do it too me! Its just when I feel 'that' feeling I know something is going to go wrong! I better explain what I am afraid of before something goes horribly wrong!

I have a serious fear of falling in the street and there being no one there to help me get up. Maybe even worse that there is someone there to laugh at me. As I am returning to work in a few hours the likelihood that this is going to happen is getting closer! As I had the fear indicator 'I am going to fall'! I know it sounds crazy but that feeling has never let me down in the past unfortunately. Maybe its a 6th sence or something but the fear is keeping me awake and making the possibility more likley!

I felt the need to write this as Jen has deleated every update from are babbeh and closed her account at Lycos! I think I have got some explaning to do and groveling too! I love you princess please dont be hurt or cross at me.

I will update when I finish work later today....I bet I fall! I also feel I will be on my own too(either in the street or in my personal life if I dont get her back!) I hate this disease and what it has done to my life! I cant even listen to music at this time of night because of the nieghbors! I can hear them snoring! Bastards!

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 2:32 am   1 comments
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Something is wrong...
I woke up this morning with a feeling of dread....Something isn't right... The happy Dave has left the building and I don't know why. I feel the need to check up on everyone to make sure they are ok but I think its closer to home were the problem resides!

Paranoia should be tackled every time by intelligence....Find the problem and sort it out...But I dont know where to start! Is this a symtom? Mental illness maybe! I should be the happiest bloke alive with the woman I am with but....I am getting a feeling and I am not wrong when I get this feeling! The last time I had this feeling I was with Sinead....I brushed it under the carpet and a year later she didnt want to be with me! I got dumped! I hope this 'feeling!' doesnt stop the relationship I have with Jen! Its hard to explaine but I have a feeling that something is wrong.....

What didnt help was my post this morning and there was a letter from work... I got a pay rise! WTF! I have been there! What are they playing at! Ok I need the money to feed my ever growing addiction to alcohol but I dont need the head mess this morning! I have to find out whats wrong with me today this is crazy! Maybe its a Goth thing washing over me! I dont need to drown in it. I have enough problems with this disease! If I work it out I will tell all but I dont like it!

Hope you are all ok!
posted by personallog! @ 1:18 pm   2 comments
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Happy Valentines day!
Jen came round last night and stayed over...we have spent all today....with each other having a great time! Exchange of card was made without the idea that its an advertising gimkic!hehe!

A fantastic day and night...got very drunk and celebrated the fact we love each other! So Ner! I am so tired now tho!hehe! I so love you Jen! What a star! Got up at 3 in the morning to make food! What a woman! Talking of food..I have done the peanut squash like this:

Cut squash lengh ways into 4 and roasted it in a garlic marinade(garlic,olive oil,light soy sauce, black pepper)..once cooked I let it cool! Then I got 4 sweet potatoes cooked and mashed them...took the flesh from the squash and mashed into the potatoes. Added some mature cheddar and grilled!...Not exactly the best I have done but I think it worked! Needed some meat and gravy in it but I was happy!(I think Jen was being polite!lol) It looked lovley tho!

I got some mail today when we got out of bed(nearing on 4 oclock!) with 2 cd's I ordered! 1st one was Jose Gonzales(which I showed you yesterday!) and the second was from this band:

Sorry its not the full one but hope you like!
The Advert for the music From Jose Gonzales
Oh the poem in my card to Jen:
Roses are red,voiletts are blue,I am sending you this card, Coz I wanna bonk you!
Oh well you only once eh!
Anyway I am knacked and want to go back to bed!
Hope you all had a loving V Day!
posted by personallog! @ 6:12 pm   0 comments
Monday, February 13, 2006
I woke up singing this!
Linkin park
Listening to it again is bring tears to my eyes!(so gay dave,I will say it for you Bobbeh!) She is coming, she is coming!yey! I cant say how happy I am today! Its full of rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there must be something in the air...well it is coming up to Valentines day you know! Dont forget to get a card for the person you love!
I didnt have a ciggy till 13:00 today....its a half day...and you know I dont feel bad at all! I take it its a full day and then full week and then full month before its the rest of my life tho yeah! Not setting a date for it just going to do it when I want!
Have a good day peeps!
posted by personallog! @ 10:55 am   0 comments
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Hello people! Were are you?
well last night was fun...I kinda like being on my own! Well yeah I prefer someone else being there but I got to thinking last night.....while listening to this guy! Love you jose! If I am going to bring anything to a relationship I have bring the best dont I?

Please do listen to all of Jose Gonzalez tracks in his "myspace" Its just one guy on his own(when he plays)! What a top bloke! My god, can that bloke play! I am going to buy it!!!

hope you are well!
posted by personallog! @ 12:11 pm   2 comments
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Something god like is telling me I have a bad diet!
Just recieved my shopping tonight and there was a bit of a shock!
I opened the first bag after the delivery guy had left and found a butternut squash! I know how to cook one but I didnt order it at all! Opend the next bag and found enough red meat to kill a small child!

!st thing I did was to contact the shop! They said and I quote
"There has been a few mistakes tonight and we are so sorry. As its late will you keep the food till the morning?"
"you want me to store all this food till tomorrow? Well are you going to correct my order and not charge me for any loss of frozen products?" was my reply
"Oh....well I will tell you what I will do....are you happy to recieve that order as yours for no extra charge?"

I look into the bags and see that this order was made for a family of 6 people. After looking further into the bags I find 3 bottles of chablis..choclate cakes and load of bath and toiletries, strawberries,cream, curry paste, 6 limes, Avacardo's,crisps, rice , Lamb, chicken and beef, dish washer powder(I havent got one!) fancy cakes, girly shower gel....obviouse that it was for two fat lesbians!

"And your not going to charge me anymore money?"
"if thats ok with you sir!"
"oh go on then!"

My fridge is packed with salad stuff and vegtables, my freezer is full of meat! There is a crate of lager too and my diet is seriosly changed for the better! Ok I miss out on my cookies I ordered but I have loads of food! If I can only work out what I am going to do with 6 avocardo's! Any idea's? If anyone has a recipy for butternut squash it will be greatly excepted!

The question of karma has been running through my mind. Am I going to have something bad happen or is the higher being paying me back for the whole ms thing? I guess we will see! Watch this space! No lee or Emma(no phone call to cancle either!) tonight so maybe thats the down side! I just hope Jen likes chablis,strawberries and cream!!hehe!

Oh well stange days eh!
Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 11:12 pm   4 comments
Head feels like this...
*****FELL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL (The White Stripes)*****
I am starting to like the headache/injecting Copaxone thing first thing in the morning! Makes my think my head is made of lego!

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 11:49 am   0 comments
Friday, February 10, 2006
A moment of clarity.....maybe!
Its been great to see everyone's opinion on stem cell therapy and the smoking thing too! It appears that all I have to do is voice an opinion to get people interested! And to be honest thats one thing we can do very well....ok we may have difficulty doing anything else some days but....WE CAN SHOUT WHAT WE WANT TO DO!
Some days we dont do it in the right way(just have a look at the problems it causes with me and Jen!sorry babe!x) but if I can work out the best way I will let you know!

After a long period of time of reading different things I think I have made my mind up on what I want to do! I want to save money to put it all into my relationship with Jen! We could have the best life being happy with each other! A house of are own is just one of the things I want but having money for us......would be the best! From what I have looked into I think stem cell research needs to be OK'ED by my goverenment first! I dont want to put my body through another disease for a temp fix! I want a cure! I think we want a cure dont we? But....I dont think stumbling into something this drastic out of fear is going to help!

There is going to be a cure some day but we have to hold on and keep searching! Sorry to say it but we need to have 'faith' in our abilities as humans to succeed! If they dont find one in 5 years I will go into medicine myself and make one(you relise that would be another 5 years Dave!)!(learn to drive first Dave eh!) These are troubling times is I am thinking about getting into medicine! Smoking thing will be done aswell!Damb it!hehe!

Right diary bits: Bobbeh is round tonite for a bevie! Lee tomorrow! I dont think I am seeing Jen till monday night(I miss you so much baby!) I am feeling well and I think I have this pain management....sort of working! My legs need working on but I am putting wieght on again and my upper body is getting stronger every time I see my girlfriend! I am not ripped by any means but I have more deffinition,which I am happy about! Over the last few weeks I have missed two copaxone injections I contacted my nurse and she says one day is ok as longs as you continue the day after! I have to have better managment with it! A tattoo on the back of my hand to remind me maybe!hehe!


Hope you are all ok!
posted by personallog! @ 12:58 pm   1 comments
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Telephone call from Sweeden about .....
OK OK....its not going to be a porn callback(like you would ever call THEM in the first place Dave!) no its from the clinic in Rotterdam(no not selling weed!) they wanted to know a couple of details before I could be put forward towards making an appointment....what for I hear you scream(the mear mention of porn will shake some gages I know!) well its for stem cell therapy....(cue tumble weed)......(crow screams in background!).....all I wanted was a price list and some info!

I have heard some scarey stories of this treatment and I am not going to give another but I did learn some interesting stuff!

1) you have to give up smoking if they are going to do the treatment at all(like that wont make you feel better anyway!!!!) as SMOKING, YES 'SMOKING KILLS STEMCELLS' AND WOULD STOP ANY BENIFIT TO THE TREATMENT!(ok I will give up!) The benifits from giving up smoking include, longer life, you stop smelling like an ash tray, you can invite you parents round without that 'does my house smell' question in the inner monologue(lol..but does it really? hu hu) greater ability to circulate blood arround your body, you get rid of that cough you have had every time it gets cold(sparks the lighter) your ability to excercise will increase with your lung capcity, you will feel better! Sorry let me say that again YOU WILL FEEL BETTER! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(pause for thought maybe)

2)the process for this is one night in a rotterdam surgery(strange that the porn deffinition is now gone!) its isnt a opperation either. Injection only! Does that work? They give you a drip for about an hour where they pass the stem cells in a pint of blood at a time! The stemcells are the training cells for the body and they locate where damage has happened and start work fixing the damage! So it works like the heat seeking missle!

3) the cost was mentioned but it seemed to be talked over once the credit agreement was brought into conversation. £13,500.....now you all know me, I try not to swear at the best of times even when Bobbeh leaves a dirty note....but f*ck me £13,500! What am I saying....f*ck me! That is 13 times the dept I allready have....thats a deposit on a house, a new car...omg!

Look I am going to swear for a bit and I dont need to put it on here so I will leave it as that.

But I do hope you are all well!

ADDITIONAL:I still think the ukulele rocks Just clik here to find out why!
posted by personallog! @ 11:16 am   13 comments
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
So strange....
Its been a while since I have done the "start a new relationship" thing. I know I have upset her and want to hold her all the time and tell her its going to be ok.....but something is telling me that I need to be held and for someone to tell me its going to be ok....would it be any easier if I didnt have this thing,this disease? WELL YOU HAVE 'IT' DAVE SO PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND GET ON WITH TELLING HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER!!!!!

It is hard but I think its the same as any other relationship, disabled or not! Maybe I am still feeling the burn from my last relationship....that was hardly a comparison dave! I love Jen with all my hart which I never did with sinead! Yeah we had good times and I know I want even more with my new girlfriend....but with every cross word or 'look' that I give I am going to get every EX-girlfriend saying "I told you so!" thats just life tho isnt it? I think the only way to correct any mistakes that I make I will have to try harder to make her happy.

Just spoke to Jen on the phone in her lunch break....got my bollocking and rightfully so....the whole prospect of telepathy sounds so appealling at times! Listen to the woman and tell her how you feel....she isnt going to know otherwise....makes sence really! I love you baby!xxxxxxxxx

Right, why am I telling the world about every aspect of our relationship....well I am trying to show that I am still human, still have the capicity to love and be loved no matter what this disease does to me or us! I am not doing this for ratings or tally counts its for me and the people out there that think life is over with diagnosis its not, we are here and here to stay unless we are cured!(hmmmm bacon!lol)

I have a valetine present for her but I need something else....any idea's anyone? Give me a clue girls please!hehe!
how dumb am I?


ps:take a look at this hmmmmm promising development??????
posted by personallog! @ 11:52 am   3 comments
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
er oh!
hmm something happened today which I didnt like at all! You know you have those days were you wake up and YOU KNOW thats it going to be one of those days....you think to yourself "right, I have about 4 hours before I wont be able to do anything!" You get yourself sorted in those 4 hours then just let it happen,yeah? If you have to go out and buy food you do it! If you need anything in perticular you do it and arrange you day arround the disease! You just get on with it! Well what happens if you have to do something and then you add a beautifull woman in your bed.....your not leaving are you! The resolve I came up with........I am not happy with the result at all! Fought with getting myself up and going to buy ciggies(this would be so much easier if you had a car Dave! or even had no chemical addiction!) and I waited too long! My legs went into Elvis mode(the first step of not going anywhere!) I couldnt even bring the post in without feeling pain. This sucks! I come back into the flat and bitch at the said beautifull woman for not getting up...she gets a face on her which I never want to cause again then she went out to buy the thing I wanted! How to ruin a fantastic day you nobhead!

I love you babe and I am sorry!

hope you are all well and dont do this ever to your loved one!
posted by personallog! @ 2:37 pm   2 comments
Monday, February 06, 2006
My Love for the dolls.....Dresden Dolls
With this unusual up beat Dave I have been glad to read over my friends comments and found 1 or 2 really great confidence boosters! These give me great hope and a lust for life that is immeasurably reasponsible for the smile on my face.....well being in love is first ofcourse but knowing people are reading my madness and coming back to make sure I am ok is fantastic!

Ok your waiting for the explanation for the title well....a young lady has left a comment earlier on here! it is on the vid of Dresden Dolls...I have looked into her blog and found a link for the Dresden Dolls blog!!!! Thats right ITS THERE BLOG! OMG!!! Its done by Amanda! I am here giving semi-worship to a band I love......and they have a blog! It is very strange to see them here but I think I am going to read every page! The young lady who left the comment is very interesting too dont get me wrong...the photography is really amazing and I would love to read some of her work too! Please do drop by her blog and have a look!

Right closer to home...well one of my regular reads anyway! Amanda has written that she is going through hell at the moment with vertigo or an ear infection if you have gone through it and know some advise to give her....pop in I think she will love the attention....to be honest I would like to read up on it too(well jumping out of a plane is seeming more ironic every time I think of her!) I think I want to do the jump in her honor! Love you too babe get well soon!

Jen is coming back tonight!YEY! My number 1 Princess! Love ya baby!xxxx

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 1:21 pm   0 comments
Friday, February 03, 2006
The MSRC need are help!!!!!
I have recieved a letter from the msrc with my copy of the bi-monthly magazine requesting help to raise funds! The are requesting that every reader donate £10 to keep the web site running and funding the london marathon sponsership! the website addrees is commonly refered to here as a sorce of infomation it is:www.msrc.co.uk

Please donate to help them out

Hope you are all well!

Green bands a plenty there!
posted by personallog! @ 4:48 pm   0 comments
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Birthday thoughts
What a great day is to day!(and every day that she is here!)

Jen is in the kitchen cooking and it gives me time to give some thoughts....where does ms come from? I have read a few reports that say it is environmental (carbon manoxide poisoning!) and the pollution that WE produce maybe be causing a hole in the protective layer that is letting the sun harm us....have a look at this
can you hang on for a bit? Maybe if the US join the EU in cutting back on pollution it will repair faster and we wont be underwater....in a years time! We need to fix the planet aswell as us! Just a thought! Even the president of the US says we are petrol addics! His idea's may need some thinking but he may be right on this...I know its hard to believe but we have to care for our home! We treat this home like an unruly teenager...we need more respect for it dont we?

After the planet.....we could do anything couldnt we?

30 is so cool!lol! Leave your thoughts please!

Hope you are all well(my tea is ready!yey!)
posted by personallog! @ 6:17 pm   8 comments
1 hour to go till I am 30
and how am I going to see my new year in.....drinking beer and relaxing with the thought that I will be able to drown a few people in beer with the order I have just made for my shopping! The countdown for the end of 20's has started and is finally dawning on me that the 30's starts soon! I said when I was 21 that I would kill myself, at 30 and I know there is so much life ahead that I want to do get up a dance! Right time to smoke my last joint before I raise a glass to the heavens and smile the knowing smile! You are a hard bastard but I know your game god....lets play!

hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 1:06 am   5 comments
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Give man kind a beatiiiinnnnngggg!!!!
***Dresden Dolls!****

Can wait to see these guys live in may got tickets here yesterday! Amanda is beautiful and incredibly skilled and the drummer(Brian!) is equally perfect. I love this band and can see myself following them for a long time to come. I find that there is a lot of feelings in music that help me phase out pain and these guys were the first band that did this for me. Maybe its a trance like state that helps when trying to play the drums or playing the keyboard(my desk here is very musical!hehe) or maybe its loosing myself within music I don't know but one thing I do know is that your mental state is the first step towards a cure...To be honest I think mental torment or trauma is one of the contributing factors to getting this disease. Yes there needs to be some scientific proof for this to be fact but every time I speak to an ms'er they have a story to tell on why they have it! Be honest and tell me! Car accident, bad break up, carbon monoxide poisoning or death in the family every time I hear it I see people harmed by the bodies reply to something. Maybe healing starts with the head! If you dont believe me....prove it!

All I have to back up my claims is that I am very happy with my life and feel better every time I see my girlfriend, everytime I listen to my favorite tunes, everytime I eat chocolate, everytime I spend time with loved ones so what do you think? What are your idea's on the first step to finding a cure...does it start with healing your head first? I think so!

Pic is from my window! Head in clouds maybe seeing as it is my 30th birthday 'eve'. I am so glad I have made it this far! Hope you are too!

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 8:42 am   1 comments
ms....not just a diary
About Me

Name: personallog!
Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom
About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!! See my complete profile

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