Friday, March 31, 2006
Moved the first bag of cd's to the new place!Yey!
Would a mix of tysbri and this drug work? Well thats what the docs do isnt it? They mix the drugs and we take them! Tried and tested....err no...Am I the one to try it...err no! It sounds to much like a weekend when I was 17! Oh look the sence of humor is back, here comes the upside to the down week. ITS ABOUT TIME FFS! This week has been a nightmare and I am so looking forward to getting the move over and done with. I have worked hard to move all the bills(which is all done now!) and just the 2 hours out of my life have been spent on the phone to get it done! Drama!!! I am never going to do this blog again when "Will an Grace" is on ever again(honest!) makes me sound So gay!lol

Happy Dave is back! I think I have some back peddling to do with some people at work... Well maybe not! They need to know dont they? Maybe with less vigor tho! Spreading the the ms word is going to be hard! I will update more as the day goes on!
Carrying on the so gay theme!(the thing is....I own the full album(I am an 80's kid!)!)

Hope you are all ok!

Guess the lyrics:
"Like a soul without a mind,like a body without a hart, Iam missing every part"

The more I move, the more memories flash through my mind...the first time I met Jen online, the first party I had with friends(where are they now!) the first home delivery, the many great memories....they are all going to be gone! Time to make some more in a different place....this is so hard.... and its just me tonight too! I thought someone else would turn up at least to say good bye to the place! Fair well drink or something! I guess this what its going to be like from here on in! Well I will raise glass to this place! One more sleep eh!
posted by personallog! @ 7:59 am   6 comments
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Time for recovery from crawling in the street
I wasnt going to write anything today and just leave you with this tune for the next week but I figure I will continue to do this till the broadband is turned off! Continue the fight to the end eh! I have some reading to do but I will get back to you soon. I have listened to this tune 3 times while working....and you know....its growing on me!

Hope your all ok!
Just sorted out my final bill and they say I am entitled to a rebate because I am seen as single! Living alone paying off for once....lits about time I got something back! I have keys for the new place now and I am very tempted to move something to say I have done that! Its all moving even if my body is saying...."Not really Dave!"

Research so far looks promising this for UK disabled access. I rang them this afternoon and they are sending me somethings through the post to help.All I have to do now is ask for a quote from a taxi firm for daily taxi access! COME ON!!! Wish me luck!***Got 7 quotes from taxi companies so this might work in my favor(Dave the admin doss head!) I could pay for this myself with help from access to work! I think its going to be an an easy resolve! Nothing is easy with ms tho...there must be a catch!(they will probley fire you Dave!!!)
Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 11:41 am   2 comments
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Don't take my care mechanism away!
I am so angry today I think I have to get on my soap box and shout to the hills again. I did have and thing setup at work that they would pay for a cab if I had to leave early due to pain in legs or back. Well they have have removed it... as over the last two days I have done a full days work. That was 3 hours ago.

I was feeling pain and requested to get a cab home to relax and give me enough energy for the rest of the week leading upto me moving house on Saturday. They told me that I should be saving the cab journeys for when its severe...FOR WHEN ITS SEVERE!!!! FFS!

So Dave being the hero I am, I decided to go for the walk home just to show the buisness that I cared about the end of year profits and the growth of a job that I honestly love. No matter the stress levels and the bad days I do love the job and the people who work there. Well you know what happened dont half way down the final half mile to my house and just lost my balance and my leg strength compleatly...I had to crawl as I could not get up....this is a quarter mile by the way! 17 people asked to help me get up...they did...they left...When they had gone..I fell over again and stated the crawl, I crawled over a main road and ripped holes in my work pants Cutt both my knees open which started streaming with blood and I got 200 yards from my house and two women pulled up in a van and asked me if I needed help(you have to love these women!). They throw me in the back of the van and drove up the road to my house, I thanked them from the bottom of my hart with tears streaming down my cheeks and blood from my knees and they would only leave once they had opened the door to the frount of my house. God bless em! I didnt have the hart to ask for help to the top of the house! I made it an hour later and I was steaming with anger. I call work and explained the above story to my team manager with so much vigor she allmost cowered into the corner of the room!(mental image ofcourse!) And I told her I want a meeting with her, her team manager and HR as I want a support mechanism thats not going to be removed at the end of the tax year It was like someone had taken my stick away and kicked me square in the nuts! She sounded scared! So I said
"I know its not your fault and your only doing what your TM has requested but if I only get help when its SEVERE I will explaine how SEVERE ms is in this meeting at great volume!!! and maybe I will finaly get HELP"

I do have alot to thank them for but I do need help for the future if I/they want to continue with my employment. If they turn round and offer to retire me off then so be it I just want to have the knowledge of whats going to happen. This disease is unpredicable and I hope I can help with the job when others come down with it(1 more already!) If they want to support the disable in the work place they are going to give some lea way!(if anything they have too...its the law!) My goverment has a thing called 'access to work' and they have to support disabled people in the work place....I think I need to calm down about this....I am going to investagate further tho!

Sorry if its a long one but I only have access for 2 more days! I am taking tomorrow off and will be researching all day to protect myself and maybe help others out there in the same possition! The fight starts here. I think the music from yesterday is quite apt!

Hope your all ok!
posted by personallog! @ 3:40 pm   4 comments
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
1 Day 7 woman and 3 flunkies!
I'd better explain before you think its a joke(you would have to add the geordie!LOL) Well day 2 of the week done and wrapped up! Full day too and I am pleased with customer service too! Feel almost back to normal. Had lunch with 6 women to celebrate the team breaking up on Friday...We are going to new teams as they are changing rota's and hours, the admin is terrible and I feel like mine fits in with the style. My team will be having early starts which I am not looking forward to but may work out well. It does mean I will have to get up at about 6 am but finish at 3!

The 7th woman is ofcourse is Jen! I had our first morning getting up and going to work together and I felt like a married couple of 30 years....You know... No talking and just getting ready in our own speed. Made breakfast/tea with minimal convesation "I love you, have you done this?" type thing! I think we both have things to think about which is added to the days daily stress. I can't wait a week till I see her again!

I did have a good day tho. Work seems to be treating me like a normal member of staff again which can be good some times and maybe not with other things! Had some time to work with some hard problems for the customers and enjoyed the respect I had received. Made a change from just working on easy issues and getting no respect at all. I even had time to arrange an appointment with my GP so I can sort the physiologist/councilor for long time trauma. My current team manager has said that it would be good for my record at work if I seem to be doing the work from my end too! As they are putting alot of money in to make my working life more confortable. It made me feel really unconfortable talking to her about things so I think it might be a good idea...if only they have relised that there is no cure....YET....And my work record is going to be effected in the future.

Right the 3 flunkies....It is taking a long time before I do the parachute jump and I am holding off collecting sponsership till I have done it. Well I had a look through the sponsership forms and found three people have left the buisness and not paid! Thats £15 I will have to put in myself to make sure the company keep up there side of the deal and put in £650...grrrrr! Well thats a more uptodate diary....I think thats everything..Oh contacted the flat agency and they said they will be giving me a date to move soon..I will do an update if I remember anything else!
Hope you are all well
Great tune amazing movie!
*****When I am good I am great! I have all my bills transfered to new address within 1 hour!(Even the 2 that are in credit!) I only have 1 bill that needs a metre reading (water rates)and my tv/internet thats going to take about 10 days!yey! Only have to move now and thats going to be the hard bit!(see I told you we can still do it when it matters!)*****
Dave the hyper human
posted by personallog! @ 3:03 pm   4 comments
Monday, March 27, 2006
Did a whole thats depressing!
Did a full day at work and.....if I am honest....I feel sad! I should be celebrating that I made it there! I should be re-joycing shouldnt I? Whoopie! I can do what other people hate doing! I am so unhappy in banking. It just reminds me about money and the fact that I dont have much! I need more. I even had time to work out how much I spend on ciggeretts! I am going to give it up! Think I need help with it tho! I have to arrange an appointment with the doc this week so I might see what he can supply. You know patches and stuff!

I think I might change my hours at work and do part time. I can earn the same money doing part time and it may get my attendance record up too. I will keep you updated with all that happens with work but I think they are trying to get rid of me! Not good thought seeing as I am going into another flat on my own which is more expensive. Maybe I should sell my body to the manchester whoring society.....oh I all ready do! Roll on tuesday eh! Jen is here tonight too so I think I will do tomorrow too. Just need to start saving if I want to rule the world!

Hope you are all ok.
posted by personallog! @ 5:25 pm   2 comments
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Last nights trauma has now passed....No blue flashes any more! With regards to the emotional side.....Something is telling me to keep my personal life with Jen off here. Its going to be here but the details are going to be kept short. I love you babe and respect any descistion that you make! The important things need to be said.

I hope you have all called your mums...I have just got off the phone with mine!(got some flowers for her too!) I know I have to get a couple of emails out today to my Internet Mum and several ladies out there with kids.

I am going to be listening to Ray Charles today as I think he gives me inspiration in my life! Blind and a musical god! Despite disabiliy....I think that is the key! You just get on with your life! I know there is a few mums out there who are god sent! My thought are with you all!

Love you mam!

Found a new ms'er with a sponsership thing going on too! Maybe I should have thought of ice skating instead of jumping out of a plane!lol

I found out about him through this site: There is other UK people with ms...who would have thought!
posted by personallog! @ 10:37 am   3 comments
Saturday, March 25, 2006
No really!
What a friday night!!!!
Got a feeling of dred that I am going to be left on my own! Jens parent might be moving away from manchester and I think she will be going as well! Well It wouldnt be right to keep her with me would it? Yet again I ask I have the right to pass the effects of this disease to someone else's life...she is down stairs at the moment and wont read thi till tomorrow so I have some time to talk to her about it! It doesnt feel right for me to ask her to stay! I have this new thing going on at the moment and I am asking for you help! I get these blue flashes at the side of my vision when in certain doesnt feel right and it doesnt feel good! Am I taking to many pain killers? I could do without it when I have all these stresses! Hmm!
Hope you are all ok!
posted by personallog! @ 9:42 am   2 comments
hmmm...stoned maybe!!!!
posted by personallog! @ 2:17 am   1 comments
Friday, March 24, 2006
Is it all a question of confidence?
I had a really good sleep last night(once I got to sleep at about 3 in the morning!)...I dreamt too which was strange. Relapse does give you time to think....and your dreams are suppose to be the time when your brain is working out the days activities..Isnt that right? Well I think I have retained the knowledge that my dreams have 'given me'.....I feel better for it too. The sleep and the insight!

Anyway have some music:

I like these guys.

I have to get my confidence back, when relapse takes it. I think I am back! No I am back! I am still here and it has ground me down...GET THE ms BASTARD OFF MY BACK! I dont have time for the relapse sh*t any more! I have things I want to do! AND I WILL DO THEM!!

Got to say welcome to Jenifer(love your name, but you know why!) I wish I could do something to help you! If there is any help I can give I will!

Enjoy the music....Its great to be back! I have my new symtom but I am not going into it today! Got a drink planned for tonight and I am going to the pictures tomorrow with my own beautiful Jen(more drink there too!)!
Hope you are all well

My tunes today...
Led Zepplin:
Ramble on
Black Dog
Dazed and Confused
Stairway to heaven

Haha rock it up!
posted by personallog! @ 11:56 am   2 comments
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Still got the 'strange days' feeling!

I am listening to these guys a lot for some reason maybe it the lyrics....Everyone's changing and I don't feel the same, I don't know why! I can see life happening around me but I cant keep up with the changes. I normally just jump straight in and hope for the best but I feel I need to get some perspective of what's happening to my body. Its the loosing control bit that scares me. Not that I had great control anyway but its this time(in mid relapse) that you sort of take stock. I am moving house soon and there is a lot to sort out.... Will it make life easier for me to deal with this madness...I am not really sure that having easier access will ease the mental side of things. Ms is a massive strain and I think its one of the hardest things I have gone through. Its fine saying "I am disabled" but being disabled is hard and shakes up your life in full!

Yeah I have a brave face and will but its when your at your lowest that you have to put on a harder look! I spoke to my team manager today(on the phone!) and she said it might be a good idea to speak to a phycologist who can deal with long term trauma as she can see that I am not happy! I tried to explane but maybe she is right... another weakness. I dont think I can live on my own any more.....

The alernative will be to move out of Manchester and get people around me....friends who will be there when I need! I think this is why people say sorry when you tell them you have ms!

Hmm I hate relapse....

I think having another job would help but its only a patch to the bigger wound. I can't leave the woman I love in a city where I get the best help in the country. I have so many dreams that I want here but without help.....I cant do it....thats the bitch! I dont think changing the music is going to help with this one!
Hope you are all well
Change in music:
ALL AT SEA (Jamie Cullum)
This suits better!
posted by personallog! @ 10:24 am   6 comments
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Dave why so glum with such a great music collection?

(hair cut and give up smoking!TUT!)
Hmmm today started with a touch from the gods after so much rain and mental torment. Just needed a reminder of great music and why I love being here!

Ok maybe it was the visit from the HRH queen of the dark(hehe) Jen! Its pain full today but you have to smile when you relise that the girl in your life wants to make you happy. My legs really hurt but I know it wont last for long....touch wood! You just have to keep your chin up and use the time you have to the best advantage. Every time I make her smile it makes me a little better

Hope you are all ok!

Right, music site with vids: Try these guys
The Artic Monkeys! I think they are pretty cool
posted by personallog! @ 10:36 am   3 comments
Sunday, March 19, 2006
My internet mum is raising money for a ms walk!
****UNDER THE BRIDGE (Red Hot Chili Peppers)****
The link for the internet sponsership is here! Great way to take up the challenge! Good on ya! I will put money in on payday!(this thursday!)
The tune is one from my childhood and still rings my bell! Enjoy!
I am not well at all today as I think I over did it at the weekend! I do get to see Jen tomorrow which should cheer me up a bit!
Hope you are all well!

Canabis step up news!

Stem cell therapy for ms click here for the news in uk!

Stem just for ms...err no! click here for parkinson news report!

****Ok one more very detailed stem cell bit! Click here too!!***
posted by personallog! @ 8:58 pm   3 comments
Friday, March 17, 2006
Shock horror.....sleepy Dave!
Got up this morning and got ready for work.....I took one look in the mirror and saw someone who was half the man I used to be...I smiled and did the Robert Di nero scetch in my bathroom..

"Are you talking too me? I dont see anyone else here! You talking to me?" that was followed by a little giggle and a step towards the phone. I cant even make a joke at myself this morning! I phoned in this morning to work and told them I saw sick and wouldnt be reporting in. I have to get over this....I know what it is! I think I would like to see friends and relax with them. Yes a drink is needed but only for the party feeling not so I can get through the day!

I am looking forward to seeing the family this weekend, maybe they can help!hehe I think its because I havent seen Jen for a bit and she still hasnt sorted her phone out yet! No text messages is winding me up babe! Sorry bitchy Dave has left the building!lol I didnt speak on msn to her last night as I was knackered after bath...I think I did it too hot! Bath test comes to light here! As I am off today I will see if I can pop in too my blog roll and read up till I pass out!

I just have one thing to ask all the ms'ers out there....when its cold do you loose sensation in your finger tips? I loose color as well, my fingers turn yellow as if there is no blood in them....erg! It happening now because its freezing in Manchester today. At least it doesnt have my smile!

I am listening to Smashing Pumkins today the title of the album allways has me in sitches...Mellon Collie and the Infinate Saddness. What a band!

Hope you are all well
Oh happy st patrick's day
posted by personallog! @ 10:16 am   5 comments
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Shamless music promotions!
The Dresden dolls...New single it here!(Just click to hear it all!) Cheers Shannon. I cant wait to see them live in May at Manchester Academy 3(not 2 as described!)! It will be great to get out to see them play live....To be honest it will be great just to get out for a beer instead of drinking in doors! If I can get a t-shirt it will make my day! Jen will have a struggle if I cant get over this tired feeling that is sapping my strengh! I hope to see Bobbeh there too, he has said that he would help with hair and makeup(oooh!) but I havent seen the guy since Em and him split....if they were ever going out in ther first place!(who knows!) I just just have so many memories of Scotland with them both and I miss them loads! I hope Em will find out that I am going for the downstairs flat and she pays a visit once I am in!

I have been into work today and I am knackered! So I will try and keep this short! The long termers here will remember me mention Nizlopi before now! They have a video so you can hear them play by clicking this link! Thats one of the theme tunes for me and Jen! I listened to them for a long time before I finally got with her! I love you babe like you wont believe! Its hard for me to let someone so close after I was burnt by my ex!(hmm burning the ex eh!hehe) But I am so glad it was you who I let in.

Anyway I have to lie down so....Hope you are all well!
Amanda from Dresden dolls

Hmm more stem cell news in Canada...Kims the girl who found this! But while your there look at the uk human testing link its big news over here that may rock human testing in this country! Ms was mentioned in local news!
posted by personallog! @ 4:04 pm   4 comments
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Trauma sorted...Well I still have ms so not all of it!
Yesterdays problem has gone for the time being... A slight 'giggery pokery' with my finaces and the problem gone till pay day! I am going to have to watch it in future but I will be ok. Even got beer in! Yey!
I have been busy today and have loads to update here we go!

1st: I have joined the Oxford uni to help with a global warming experiment... It uses my pc to join with thousands of others to run a back ground simulation of the earths enviomental warmth and I urge anyone who has the time to install the programe to give them the help that they need. It runs in the back ground of your normal use and is a great help! click this paragraph if you are interested. Climate change and polution of this planet maybe an issue of how ms is effecting millions of people...if you dont believe me.....disprove me!

2nd. I have been into work today and have a new chair and mouse so I can do my job without pain. Erognomics eh! I hope to get more hours in as soon as possible! I wont be able to learn to drive or move house without money!

3rd As above I plan to move house in April(about the 23rd!) and should find it easier to have a life with this hell of a disease. Its all on 1 floor and there is no stairs to get up to it. There is a shower and bath so I will have a choice! I may be off line over the time when I move but I will try to keep you updated when I am in!

4th After speaking to Jamie on line I have decided to take my opion to the goverment to investagate stem cell therapy for people with ms, diabetes, cancer...etc etc! I will try make it an online petition so I can pass it too Mr Blair here! There is an US petition all ready with 470 signatures all ready. Please do stop into Jamie's blog as she has the link to it!

5th I am finished for now but remeber the the ms week in the states needs your input!

A joke to Jen....Iam finished!hehe!

Hope you are all well

***Alanis Morrisett:Unplugged!
posted by personallog! @ 5:04 pm   3 comments
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Not having a good couple of days here at least it is giving me time to think....thats a bad thing!hehe Usually I would just relax and get on with a few things in the house that need to be and sleep through it. Well I cant this time and its all because of one bill and the air sight allready charging my bank account. £700 of debt that I was expecting at once has left me with money to get to work and not much else at all!

Realy this jump has been a finacial nightmare! Yes its raising mony for the right people and it will benifit thousands of people but not if I am going to starve! I got the feeling that when I jump out the plane I will blow away in the wind! I have basic food in the house but if I eat one more can of beans I wont have many friends left! Yeah it gives me more time to read and get ready to talk to the housing people for the move and start the big clean but I am ill today with tummy ache so not at work.(thats probly a good thing its just I cant think why!)

I am missing Jen and crave for a hug! And I can stop singing Eighties Match Box and I need more money! Its been weeks since I have had chocolate chip cookies never mind a beer! I am suppose to get disabiliy living alowance today and it has come through yet! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! I know this is a lesson to me for the future but I cant save future pay checks before I get them can I! I will have to see what I can do in the new flat to save cash! I will be saving water by using the shower.....just cant work out the money side yet! Right I going to have another can of beans! Then I have a cuboard full of condiments!

Hope you are all well

Photo of greater times:
posted by personallog! @ 10:10 am   0 comments
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Please drop by to Jaime as she has been a great help to me tonight! She has sparked something in me tonight! Ther is loads of info for the ms awareness week in the states so have a good look about and its not sexual you pervs! She highlighted to me that the jump page has been closed and I havent done the jump yet.....its now corrected The page is showing from the start again but I would like to say thanks for all the people who have donated allready! You can still see the old page here!

Please keep the donations coming as its a great help to the ms society and please drop a note of good will to her aswell!
Have your say too for the stem cell therapy petition...we if we dont get the governments to start research we will never get a cure will we? Click here and leave your mark!please we need it!

I am having a half day today as I think my bowls are being effected again! Deffinatly a hung back moment! The bowls, the bowls! Oh and I forgot to tell you I am going to take the ground floor flat! I rang through and said yes...I just have to wait for a call back as its lunch time and they are away from the office! I am going to book some time off work to move as it will take ages for my disabled ass to move everything I own!lol
Hope you are all well

*****News flash! they have identified the ms gene according to Montell*****
posted by personallog! @ 10:11 pm   1 comments
Lazy sunday....
Woman in Leeds is going for stem cell treament and there is 85% percent pass rate for success??? To what level....we dont know! Why can't a government jump on this and get more research???? I know I would try it if there was a goverment who would stand by it but it worries me! I got a call from the clinic advising they can book me in for october....I just sat there gob smacked and said "yeah...yeah...yeah!" It was like I wasnt in my body! They have to ring back to confirm later in the week so I will let them down gently I think its just to much stress at the moment with planning the move etc, etc!

Having a great day today tho! Jen is here and we have just got out of bed at 13:00! How lazy? Listening to the Editors today(check out this link for You Dont need!)! Just a lazy day before back to work in the am!

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 1:51 pm   0 comments
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Broke the 8k what a goal!
I allways love to see the site counter click over by the thousands! That being the case I think I want to open a second know I have been die'ing to do one. I think I have the greatest idea that is going to help loads of people(and me at the same time!) Well this blog has helped me with day to day running of my life and coming to terms with ms.....but life goes on and I want a peice of it! People who know me would be expecting me to be doing more by now so I am going to do it! Well whats stopping me? whats stopping anyone with ms? We still have a life to live lets live it! Ok it gets worse every day but it can get better too!

I am not stopping this blog its part of my life now! Its my diary and it has helpped me a lot just to get my thoughts out and kept for everyone to see! Its a bit of a soap opera at times.....but isnt that just like life anyway? I like the tune from Foo fighters its feels like the theme tune to this!hehe!

Oh and I have been thinking of my next career move which might be linked to my next blog....that why I am not saying a word till I have really planned it well!

I have been into work today and sent home after lunch as I was in too much pain....I got a good review from my team leader so the customer service Dave is back!(sort of yey! but its my job!lol) I want to keep the same tune on here for a bit because the lyrics just rock!
Anyway! Nice to see some new faces here! Hope you are all ok!
posted by personallog! @ 2:33 pm   0 comments
Friday, March 10, 2006
Is someone getting the 'best of you'?
****Foo Fighters***

Audio only so dont worry it not a vid! I want to give the best to my girl and I want to to give her more. I love her to bits and cant wait to see Jen tomorrow night! Am I half a man because of this disease and why do I think of it first before anything else? Just the ms burn I think! I am human and cant but think of my failings but maybe I am doing something right! I got some mail today that shocked me. I have recieved my membership card for a rock club in manchester called rock bottle of bubbly and 10 free entrants in to the club to celebrate...its not my birthday or anything and its confused me a bit. I have never been to the club and I have never given my address out to did they know? To be honest I dont care I just like the idea of going out for a beer or two! I think it was my girlfriend or Bobbeh and have text them both asking for an explanation but the date they have given me for this party is when two of my mates are coming down so why not? They are dance monsters and not in to the metal secne at all so may have to cancle one thing or the other! Yet again the social life is busy! I dont have a pot to p*ss in but I am willing to try!lol I love the manchester crew and its great to live here I dont think I am going to leave it....I am going to stay here as long as I can!

I had a half day at work today as my legs are getting on my nerves(the irony I know!) and I think I will play on the net and get stoned....I havent done that for ages and I know I have to clean up for tomorrow! I have work in the morning as the copaxone delivery last monday is effecting my attendance record! If I can arrange with work to be at home when its delivered every month I will be happy! Anyway....
Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 12:55 pm   3 comments
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Back to being busy dave?
Yeah I am busy! Viewing a new flat tonight so may need to move soon!......STRESS!!!!

I do it to myself all the time and no-one else is to blame! Its a ground floor flat I am going to be looking at and it has a shower and a....wait for it.....A WASHING MACHINE TOO! GET IN! Then I wont have to hand wash and rely on my mam for my bedding! AND ITS ON THE GROUND FLOOR! No more stairs!yey! I hope its good as the stairs here are killing me. Yeah ok I will have to re-arrange post and stuff(internet,bills....ect ect!) but I have been wanting to do something for myself. I was getting bored with this flat anyway! I feel like I am trying to break out of my own prison and this the first step....lets see what it looks like first eh! been in work today and I am getting the work thing back.....I am damb good at my job and I do love it if I am honest.

Just the next step is going to be hard and my take me a while to move every thing I own and give the flat a clean... I can...and will do it!(if the flat is good Dave!) For some reason I think its the last step to be me more of my ex and the bad feeling I have had will be left here in this flat!Does that make sence?

The great thing(apart from the stairs!) is its cheaper rent!!! More money for beer!yey!
I will let you know what happens and I hope you are all well!
(p.s no music today as I want to let someone sign on with there old pc!You know who you are!!)

*****Just seen it....and errr wow!I would have some things to do for it like change address but its down stairs by two floors and I would have to move all my stuff! There is even places to sit down while cooking food and it has a bar!!!yey! No washing machine but they did say I can put one in. It has a shower in the bath tub which is better than I have here! Wood flooring in the frount room and a coal effect fire place and it warmer than my flat for sure! I would be a fool to let it go but I have to check in with the family to see if they are ok with the idea and get more keys cut! I want to do it now! I will have a word with Jen at the weekend because she loves the flat I am in! But its my choice tho and it has my vote even thats is a bit smaller! Still stressfull but it will make my life so much easier once I am in! The rent is £10 more(I think that pays for the shower!) but it would be so more confortable! The selling point for me is the gas oven I cant wait to cook again....I guess thats a yes for! I have got some party weekends to plan as I have allready been asked twice! Come on! The new Dave rocks! Such a better mood than the last week!
Hope your all ok
posted by personallog! @ 4:10 pm   0 comments
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Ms is cruel ms is a bitch ms is in with it!
Had a bizarre day today. Went into work, talked to some people gave my team manager an inside view point of an ms'er told her about the sporadic depression...the pain...the hell I have on a daily basis and I nearly made her is cruel ms is a bitch ms is in me! I cant get rid of it as much as I cant cut of my arms or legs....I have to get on with it! I can't wait for someone to hand me a cure...I get on with it with any help that I can without trying to effect anyone else's life financially it sucks but we get on with it! I still want a life that I am entitled too! I want a life and a chance to fight for that life...dont get in my way as I will get it....I have it....its mine!

No more depression....its not worth the energy! I need a drink!
*****click here to see some mad women doing the paracute jump!****

Wanted to put on: Keane:Bed shaped.....but it makes me cry!lol
posted by personallog! @ 3:43 pm   5 comments
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
No Means NO!
I only have one track by this called: All lies

I love it! As soon as I get some money saved up I am going to by the album. Why do I bring them up....well it sort of covers my feeling today. Someone lied to me when they said that living with ms was easy. Its hard! God damb it! I am not in work today as I am in so much messed up pain. It hurts in one place in my body...I move to sit in a more confortable possition then its somewhere else...I get up walk around for a bit...then its somewhere else and to add to that I have a head ache and emotional problems! I cried at an advert on tv! I put on some death metal to get angry and that didnt get rid of it! What the f*ck is going on? This is just too much stress!

I think its the pain killers running out,I am picking up more this afternoon and they cant come any faster so I will have to put up with it for now! I have to get out the house to pick them up so.....thats going to be fun! No wonder Jen hasnt moved in yet, why would she want too? I am such a stress head...but I need a hug! See I told you!!

Grrrrr its raining now! No money, no hug, no drink, no ciggies! Today is sh*t streak...Could be a great time to give up those cigs! Very trying times! I dont know which is worse, chemical addiction, depression, pain or not being able to see a resolution of all the problems today! No Means No had a track which I think would resolve this(if I had it!) Brainless Wonder! Sort of says something by tack name alone eh! I think I must be on my period!
Small parts, isolated and destroyed!
I think I need saving before I do myself some harm....I am not that selfish tho! I can't even do that!
Hope, no wish, you all better than me today
posted by personallog! @ 10:08 am   4 comments
Monday, March 06, 2006
A day of reflection

I have put this tune on for a couple of reasons...
1. I quite like it
2. I have had lots of thought to my sisters action for charity, raising money for cancer research and Kylie has cancer. It doesn't matter how rich and famous you are disease can get at you. No matter how much money you have, no matter how healthy you are there is always a chance....its part of life isnt it?

Ok to much seriouse stuff...ok there is one more. I was looking into photography and stumbled apon this: Yes its seriouse that we are not affraid of terrorism but it was the photo's that I was looking at! Cool site for idea's too!

I am not at work today as I am awaiting the delivery of copaxone this morning but its not here yet so I am surfing till it does. My legs hurt this morning but I think it the chair I am sitting in to be honest. I need to get a new chair I think!

Hope you like the vid and your all ok.

P.s I cant stop listening to the beatles today....wierd eh! Strawberry fields for ever!!! Paperback writer, Here comes the sun(its all right!) and before you say it...all together now! LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!Yeah yeah yeah!
posted by personallog! @ 9:53 am   3 comments
Sunday, March 05, 2006
For some reason I don't feel happy
Jen went out last night and am I am jealous! Not of her going off with someone else. I am jealous of the able bodied. I want to be 'able' to go out and shake my ass...You know I think it is the hardest thing to deal with. I used to love going out clubbing. I used to love walking about forests and looking at castles and sites of natural beauty...Instead I live in a flat on my own.

I need to get proud of my life again! Maybe its just life throwing me a curve ball but I don't feel happy today. Being happy is my 'Thing' and I need to find something to make me smile, any idea's? I have always given good advice to others but now I need to take some of my own advice...Its just that I can't take my own advice and do something!

They say that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain...I have been taking a lot of drugs and additives to make feel better but at what point does all these chemicals start to effect mental stability? Look I am not going on to a killing spree or anything I just want the easy life back...I want the child in me to come back...But I guess that is just it. I think getting old sucks! The voice of experience will calm me down. Time for a change in the theme tune!
What about a Nizlopi video?Click here to watch it! Girls eh! This tune was listened to for a long time while I talked to Jen on the dating site. God I love her!
I will be ok! Hope you are well too!
Album of the moment:
Nine inch nails-The Fragile
Favorite track:Le Mer
posted by personallog! @ 2:34 pm   2 comments
Saturday, March 04, 2006

Me as art....hmm what a bizarre concept! This make-up thing is getting abit out of hand isn't it? It was fun tho and that's the point at the end of the day! Jenny the artist and me the artwork!hehe

Jen is going clubbing tonight and I am in on my own! Going to be weird having the weekend to myself. I have some cleaning to do but I am going to be lost in on my own. Research and play games on the net I think. Time to get some rest me thinks!

Hope you are all well!
***This morning looking out my bedroom window***
posted by personallog! @ 12:13 pm   0 comments
Friday, March 03, 2006
must grab a beer...

Oh I got my wheelchair gloves...and they make my hands look so 70's gay! Just need the leather flat cap and I will be in the YMCA! They are great and should do the job fine no matter how gay they look.hehe! They have a padded hand grip and I have used them in the house to break them in(I loove having grip on the walls!). I can see me using them alot in the future if I get the wheel chair too. I am in a good mood today and think I know why I have been with this company for so long...I like helping people! The pain does get in the way and I know why work are questioning my work recently...I will get back on track soon! I have something to prove now! Well maybe thats how I work...Find the bad bit and it can only get better from then! These gloves are great I can type in them too!

I helped somone today who has reminded me why I am good at my job....I helped them and they said "Dave I love you!" hehe! It was a lady who was old enough to be my mum but it was the thought that counts eh!
Talking of girl is here tonight and I cant wait! I have to get ready so...
***Dresden dolls***
Hope you are all well
Dave(its just started snowing...heavily!)

I want one of these wheelchairs(no need for gloves with an ibot)click here!
posted by personallog! @ 3:42 pm   2 comments
Thursday, March 02, 2006
duvet day!
***coin opperated Boy-Dresden dolls!***
With my work starting to feel like I work in a factory,I feel this tune covers! I cant wait to see them play live in may! I rang in and claimed a duvet day so I can have a good think about what I want to do in the future. I still have to go out to the shops but I think I might read a book instead of playing on the internet. I will be fine but the thought of going in today has rocked me a bit. I know I have to work to live....there is no second pay check coming in here its me on my own and thats scarey. I should have save the duvet day for something else but I need it for me this time. I guess I feel trapped and need to fall into line, I can do this I am just out of practise.
Its so cold at night time with out Jen in my bed..Where is my hot water bottle?
Got Jen coming round friday so happy after work tomorrow...Hope you liked the tune!
hope you all ok!
posted by personallog! @ 9:56 am   0 comments
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
3rd day...forgot pain management!!!
So finished at lunch!Damb! Not only painful...The ramifications of yesterday came back and bit me in the ass! I am now on a return to work plan...Monitoring my calls and having a development plan to make sure my calls don't get....Well they need to have some element of customer service and I need to calm down. My last work station assesment advised I need to have a break every 20 minutes and they have arranged this for me. I cna now sign in the phones and out of the phones when needed...doesnt make me feel any better really. I find the whole thing a bit testing on my nerves as I have to keep administration. My hand writing is allways has been but I have to keep this log in good order in case there is a fire or anything. Health and safty I guess but I can see the light on this. Looking at my career path up to diagnosis it shows on the up and up and now I am back to square 1! I have issued these plans to new staters in my history and know them like the back of my just feels like crap! I have coaching planned with a guy that I used to train....god damb it! Oh well they are still paying me!hehe! I can do this, I know I can! Once I am back on my feet at work I can start getting my life back..I think it will put some things on hold for a least I ordered the disabled pass for the driving. I will do the rest at the weekend if I dont get to drunk.

I am not going to see Jen for a couple of weeks so I will feel down, she has got some drinking with her buddies and stuff(I ask no questions here as the gay sence isnt my cup of tea!) I am sure work will be fine in future as they have been great up to now. I have some work to do to deal with crap on the phone and the new seat and mouse will help with the pain issues. I think I might look further into programing/IT work, as a change of job in the future maybe forced upon me...I really hope it isnt! I need to cheer up and be more chirpy....I have some reading to do if I want the job change and learning to drive would work in my favor here(catch 22 Dave!)! We will see if I can get to work first!

hope your all ok

Bird flu jumps from species to a cats got it! click here to read report! how long before humans get it over here?
posted by personallog! @ 12:45 pm   1 comments
ms....not just a diary
About Me

Name: personallog!
Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom
About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!! See my complete profile

More of ME
ms/disabilty reads
Other Interests
Previous Post