Wednesday, May 31, 2006
just thought I would try something....

OOOOHHHHH! It works!!!yey!

Today I will be starting this:

Again from season 1! Time to kick back and relax! I just had a thought about where I want to take this blog.....Would you watch this as a web based TV show?(you watch one of you will do it now!lol, The extreme podcast maybe?)

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 2:46 pm   0 comments
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Happy Dave!!!!
*****FEELS JUST LIKE IT SHOULD (Jamiroquai)*****
Ms just feels like it should! I have mine worked out I just have to except what it is and get on with living my life to the best of my ability! Depressed....err no! You just have to get on with life and except it! Even if I didn't have ms...I would be in the same David shoes! The past few days have been up and down emotionally but I am still here and rocking my own house! Yeah I think if you have ms you have grounds to be depressed but I am not honestly. I am a lot better of than some of us! There is no point in being down is there? Wasted energy in my eyes.

I am happy, don't worry about me! I do get dark from time to time but I am happy!(Skint but happy!lol!) I have spent the weekend with the goth'ed one and she has been looking after me. Its great to see her every time and I think we both know whats going to happen with each other. We know and we are not making false promises anymore. I think having a clear head for once that we can move are own ways and know that we have had a great time together! Be happy for us please...we are!(still sleeping with each other and we will go out own way and feel fullfilled when we have to!) Best relationship I have ever had. I love her!

I have worked out the body convulsions too. Every time I get them I am going to dance! Its worked up to now and I am getting good at it too!lol! Sorry about the bad quality tune today but I couldn't find a clear one to play! Great tune tho!

I must be doing well! I am putting on weight(pizza/Ice cream induced! Hehe!)!yey!
Vixpix has made the 1st ms apearance on the ouch podcast number 3! Good on ye girl I dont think I will ring it now!! Have a listen here
Anyway hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 2:16 pm   3 comments
Monday, May 29, 2006
Concentric circles!!!!!
Well I am here again and looking for internet cures to this hell....I cant find any and I am getting slowley demotivated by the constant reminder that I am not looking for someone to blame. I find good sides and bad sides to research and I know I have to get used to the fact that I still have this disease. As soon as I work it out....then what then? Do I get on with my life and be happy with the fact that it not going to get much better? I have to relise,its what I do now that makes my life something to remeber. To be remebered for who I was and make people proud to have known me. Thats what makes the difference isn't it? Continue to live life to the full and enjoy every second of this god given exisantace. No matter what! I am tired of helping people relise there own existance. Relise that they are here for a reason even though I cant do it myself. I want the oppertunity to start it again and give it my best shot with an able body. Would I do any of it again differently? Yes I would! Am I happy now with what I have now.....Yes I am! Isn't that the point? Be happy to be alive and not abuse the fact. Its getting harder though. Fight the good fight Dave.

I found this report through the boston press about canibis and how it could be working better as a medical therapy! Click this link! Its the best report I can pull up, but it is the best repot I have ever read about using canabis for people who have ms!

Best quote form this report:
"Under these circumstances, evidence in support of medical marijuana tends to materialize as a byproduct, not a primary goal, of official research. For example, Donald Tashkin of UCLA intended to demonstrate via a NIDA-supported study that marijuana smoke increases the risk of lung and upper-airways cancer. But the findings of the study, announced this past week, indicate that heavy marijuana smokers actually show lower cancer rates than tobacco smokers, indirectly supporting claims by medical-marijuana proponents for the tumor-inhibiting properties of cannabinoids."

What could they do if they researched for medical use as a primary investagation?

Anyway have some of this:
******ON AN ISLAND (David Gilmour****
Sorry its a long one!
Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 10:43 am   2 comments
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Dave the quadruped!
*******FASTER KILL PUSSYCAT (Paul Oakenfold)*******
Jens choice(hehe! the lessa!)! Having a great weekend, feel almost human again. The whole Bobby McFerrin thing works....dont worry be happy! Yeah its sad that the control of my body is being lost....but be honest can I do anything about it...err no! So why worry! I will worry about it tomorrow, as it is another day! I will be on my own on tuesday and it will matter then. Starting a new fight then so watch this space!!!!

Take care and I hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 1:00 pm   1 comments
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Got to love the bank holidays!
Its saturday....again! What happend to the week! Oh well! Morning pain....if I had to explain what it feels like to someone who doesnt have ms......I dont think I could. 'Just look at me', just doesn't cover it. I can sit comfortably for hours and it is easy to blank out the pain when you don't move, it just when I have to move I look DISABLED! I am 30 not 80! No these are the things I hide from anyone else. That you can't see. You can not see the life draining from me, you cannot see the the boyish Dave who wants to take his girlfriend to any place she want to visit, to enjoy it together, to have a family of my own....if that what I felt like. To be able to run, climb, swim and dance for hours on end to have the ability taken away is the worst thing! Yeah I can still go swiming yes I can dance(up yours I can dance) till the early morning but its changed! And its that change that winds me up when people try to take the piss out of me! I have become very protective of myself with everything!!!! I dont mean to offensive to anyone but I will hit back with everything I have when something hurts me or people who are close to me.

(DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY (Bobby McFerrin)********
Maddnes eh!
(please, please, please spot the irony! If your having difficulty wait to the end of the tune and listen to the lyrics!!!)
Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 12:57 pm   3 comments
Friday, May 26, 2006
Got a claim form from incapacity benefit....
Its the size of a telephone directory! They want me to fill it in and get may last 3 months pay slips, a doctors note and they swines want me to post it back too! So it looks like I have WORK TO DO! Sent a text message to my ms nusre requesting a social worker help me fill in the forms and maybe post them for me! God I need help! Just got to remeber the 'baby steps' rule! I know I need help with this and I already rely to much on Jen and my family(to which I am already indebted too!) but I am finding it really hard! You all know I hate administration and I will get through this but its having them all at once thats scary. I have Jen coming tonight and I want it to be a night of cuddling up in front of the fire not hanging around a table with a shit load of forms to fill in. I am going to crack on! Stress head! It will proply mean walking in the morning will be bad! Hardly a romantic night in eh! Its got to be done tho!

No music today! I am listening to my own collection! It gets more work done!
****Balls to this...This is for a missed lady:
******MARY JANE'S LAST DANCE (Tom Petty)********Love you Amanda

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 10:56 am   3 comments
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Being off work is more work!
******MOVE BY YOURSELF (Donavon Frankenreiter)*****
Always open to new music! I think this is cool. I have recieved alot of post today and I have some major forms to fill in! This is going to be hard work!!!! The ms society has sent me a break down of what I can apply for....There is loads! Its going to be a nightmare doing it but I will be happy when its all done. Acording to the form I have just opened(ms Essentials) there are 9 bonus things!

Attendance Allowance(Pensions)
Carer's Allowance(Hmmm need a carer for that dont I?)
Council Tax Benifit
Disability Living Allowance (which I have at highest rate already!)
Housing Benifit
Incapacity Benifit
Income Support
Job seekers allowance(yeah right!)
Statutory sick pay(which my job have me on already!)
Working Tax credit(I have to read this one!)

These are going to be tough...but I am going to do it by myself!(thanks Donavon!hehe!)

Its going to be hard! I will let you know!

Hope you are all well!

P.S is there healing quailities in Tea?(Calm down baby, have a cup of tea!)
posted by personallog! @ 10:43 am   5 comments
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
In trouble!!!!
*****WHERE IS MY MIND? (The Pixies)******
A song from my collection. I have seen these live and I have there whole back catologue! I love my collection! I have had a wierd day today. I have put in my application for a benifit thats going to help in the future....well I have put in two applications! To do this I have had to go out to the post box in the Stretford mall(shopping centre is half mile walk!). I sat downj in the mall to get my breath back and I was seen by someone I know from work. This is the first time I have seen Fatima for about 2 months. We talked for about 15 mins about work and I told her that I am not returning and she cried! I gave her 'the' talk and she hugged me. It was hart warming to see her reaction. I didn't want to make her cry, I have known her for about 5 years and have never seen her like this. She asked me if I have a carer and offered to help me with shopping(I didnt have any and have no money for food shopping!) and I said "thanks but no!". It was good to see her but made me think. Its going to be strange to see if any rumors get back to work! Its a lovley day today and I am still a bit hyper from Jen's last visit. I cant wait for her to get back here!

Well the benifits I posted today are going to take some time to come through so its going to be an extra tough month for me. I suppose I'm going to have to get used to it as soon as possible! We will see eh!

Hope you are all well!

Click this link to see what msn think of a disabled person! The 1st paragraph I find insulting! Touretts in a disablity! Oh big brother UK is on and its dragging me in!
posted by personallog! @ 2:21 pm   5 comments
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Day of doing the same!
">Have a read of this! Typical story from a ms'er in scotland. I think he has some valid points and it also shows how many people have ms in Scotland.(the highest concetration of ms'ers world wide!)Tell me what you think.

Difficult day today. I have recieved my most recent pay check and I have had so much time off they have pu me on to sickness pay.(SAP) which works out less than half my normal pay.....So I am being forced into retirment unless I return to work. Having less money I jumped into action(as much as I can!hehe!). I called the Benifits line and asked for advice!
They advised I should look into these:
Income Support
Housing benefit
Disability Living Allowance(DLA)(which I already have!)
Council tax benifit.(this pays for it! I have to remember the single persons cap!)

Look, I am not going to be loaded dont get me wrong! These services are available for anyone in the UK who is in the same boat. Not just a fellow ms'ers. I have found that a few of these benifits are linked and it is hard to get any one department to commit without some probing. There is people to help and dont be affraid to ask as its there job. I did find out that most of there work was sorting out people like myself who go in without asking! I do have some things to do to get more info for any UK ms'ers out there. To be honest I am looking for help so if your UK based please do say!!!!!! I can supply what telephone numbers here if it will help....just need someone to say!

I will leave U2 on here for a couple of days! With or without you seems quite apt!

I am asking for medical retirement today! It sucks! WTF!
***Just had the interview....No money no study! Hmm getting the feeling I am not going to get anything for free anymore! Sort of temped to go back to work and star to look after my money a bit better!*****(What a surprize.)
Hope your all well

posted by personallog! @ 7:36 am   2 comments
Monday, May 22, 2006
Hmmmm..... Friends????
******WITH OR WITHOUT YOU (U2)********
It was used in friends that's all! I haven't heard from Em so maybe its for her....Maybe its just for me! I like U2....There I said it!

Its been a strange couple of days/weeks. Mixed emotions, mixed feelings. There has been one definite feeling that I have felt...And that's love! Strange aint it!

Well I don't have any ms news for you.There has been loads of money raised and we have to wait for results from testing for many of the research projects. I don't think I have to show the millions of dollars results from the ms walk or run(and many more!) but I know the waiting game and I am looking forward to the doc's finding a cure! We just have to wait!

I have a few things coming up soon:
Tomorrow I have an interview with a training company, Expanding current knowlage in the IT field!
In July I have the next attempt on the jump!(Please!!!!)
I have a meeting with a group that are going to sort out a wheelchair for me!(self propelled!) I think they need to messure me or something. I dont think my ass is much bigger than it was before.(two of my girl friends(ex + Jen) have said I dont have an ass!)
Anyway I think I am heavliy into a relapse but my head feels better than it has done in months. I still havent been into work,I haven't spent a day with my new team manager at all. But I have a feeling I will get on with her better than my last one!

I have been without Ginko Billboa for two months now and I want to get some more as I feel I have missed it. I want to give a run down on what it does you here but I will save it for future updates. I get paid this week and I am looking forward to a beer soon. I have had 1 can in two weeks(please dont ask me to stop it!) and I miss the social aspect of having a drink!

Sorry this is a big update, I have been busy!
Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 3:37 pm   0 comments
Sunday, May 21, 2006
back soon! Have some of this!
********MAKE ME BAD (Korn)*****

Grr got to love the Korn! Now repeate after me "I love the Korn, I love the Korn!" Hehe!

Oh last friday I went,AGAIN, to the jump site and they called it off as it was windy!
Hmmmmmmmm Got to find the happy dave so I am going to get some rest! I love ya all and will be back to normal service soon! Oh and not going to work this week either. Chasing the ms nurse for a wheelchair. The mind boggles!

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 10:48 pm   1 comments
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Hmmm..Time for some 80's cheese....But it kinda rocks!hehe
*******SHAKE THE DISEASE MTV (Depeche Mode)****
I like the DM I always have done! I did have some in the past....I have no idea where it went(I do but she isn't worth it!). I have just realized over the past week, apart from the Korn, I have been doing local grown music from the UK. Ok some of it has been a bit poo but its all from the UK! (so sorry about Billy Brag!lol)

I have just realized how many hits this blog has got now! OMG! I think I should get some real ms issues in here shouldn't I?....Err no. I will keep to the same format! Its my diary, my epitaph haha! Its mine and its something I won't loose. I would rather keep my body in perfect working order but the blog will do! Shake the disease eh!

I have been offline for a bit just to get some hard core tv watching out the way......Day time TV sucks don't it! Well never mind I will always have music!

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 12:21 pm   4 comments
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
No change in music today....Still happy!hehe
I had a thought....Bear with me, It does happen from time to time..... I have had a few wobbles recently and I listened to Kims podcast again. There was one thing that stuck out and it had to do with some certain foot wear that she told me about to improve mobility. The shoes are are slightly missshaped and your body has to re-learn how to walk in them. I can remimber the name for them or what they do but it gave me an idea...What if we are receiving tremor's in a different way! My hands are shaky at the moment and I have a few issues with being able to walk....But if the is exercise in re-training my hand eye coordination. Whats available???

Well you might see this as a bad idea but what about playing computer games? Ok you have to sit comfortably and if you choose the right game. But I think it will work....Won't it? I am off work and I am sorry but I need to keep all my energy for living my life. I am being honest with myself and I know I would be sent home anyway!

Well now I have time on my hands I am going to entertain myself with a couple of old games I bought off Emma. I didnt sleep well last night but when I did it was a heavy sleep as the pain killer I took has knock out abilities!(Amitriptyline!) I dont think mixing it with drinking coffee all day helps! I think I am going to hit the games today, relaxing and improving the hand eye coordination(the best excuse I have ever made!) I will let you know if I see any improvement in....Err...Anything!lol!

Hope you are all well!

Cant be a blood donor if you have ms! Mine is O neg and should be able to give to anyone! Have a read here to look at a ms'er in the UK!
posted by personallog! @ 12:52 pm   5 comments
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Just learnt from Jen that I have some Korn missing to compleate the collection!
*****WONDERFUL NIGHT (Fatboy Slim)******
At least I have all the Fat Boy Slim! Oh well! More music to collect!

I love this tune tho! Sort of explanes.....Jen was here last night and I am happy! What a wonderful night! Hope you enjoy the tune!

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 3:40 pm   2 comments
Monday, May 15, 2006
Maybe its Billy Bragg......
******SEXUALITY (Billy Bragg)*******

...That I was singing when I awoke this morning I don't know but I feel happier today. Maybe it is the norm now that I wake up in different moods and people can read me well, I just dont know! I went to the doc's this morning and it was raining...It felt cool and wet and I was smiling. The nurses behind the counter were very plesant(as usuall!) and one of them asked me about Jen and when the wedding plans were going ahead, before I had time to answer she told me about an interested local girl (with ms) was on the waiting line for me!!!! Hmm I guess thats nice to know eh! I still have it!lol!

I am still struggling with wanting to leave work but the cash is wanted and needed still.....I have booked Friday off(I am not saying what for!!!) and could get into work on Wednesday.... I think giving up work should really be decided while there! If I talk to people there then maybe there is something that could be done....I want to enjoy my retirement(Sexual guru!!Hehe!) and have always said I want to retire in my 30's but didn't want to do it on the sick!

I think(I am going to be be saying this for the rest of my life!) I am coming out of this low point. I think I am feeling a bit better than I did last week! Relapse over...err I think not!

Hope you are all well!

Just a reminder for people in the uk, Info for the jump. It does work out for free but be prepaired to pay for it first, you have to collect over £385 to get it for free!(I didn't and have to foot the bill till I collect sponsership!) Be prepaired for the change of £70 on the day of the jump and another £70 if you want to be recorded on dvd. You get the jump for free only if you collect the 385. The other additional charges you dont get back! Be warned! But bring it on!
posted by personallog! @ 1:50 pm   3 comments
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Jump didn't go ahead.....again!
Hmmm do you get the feeling that fate hasn't decided how its getting rid of me yet??? Weather.....again! I have it re-booked but I am not telling the date as maybe telling you lot is giving it bad karma or something!lol

Good bit about the weekend is I got to see the family again and I got the last album that I needed to compleate the Korn collection!Yey!(hence the Korn tune!) Life still seems a bit messed up at the moment and I dont know where to start.... I am getting a wheelchair from the NHS via my ms nurse so I will have fun breaking that in! I think I will attack it with black spay paint when it gets here and I have to think of a name for it as it will spend some time getting to know my ass! Any suggestions?

Anyway I am scheduled to call work in the morning and I have to pick up some meds at the docs in the morning so I am going to get some sleep! Night all! A very tired Dave!

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 10:39 pm   0 comments
Friday, May 12, 2006
Its raining in Lancaster!...erm yey! No bad Dave!
Well the heat was nice and the worry about the jump was good but I cant help feeling some relief with the weather report today! I havent had a call from the jump sight yet but I have a feeling that they will ring soon....(ring that phone,ring that phone!). I will do it if they dont ring. I am really tired today, I have a monster hangover and I just want a hug and about 4 hours sleep. I know the 'its your own fault' rule and I dont want sympathy but in my defence if I had no spastic legs I wouldnt have had a drink! I was glad when Jen bought the vodka as I have no money but I so wish I could have been told of the vodka hangover.....I know!

Oh well!
I will keep you advised with the jump news as and when it happens. Wish me luck!

Hope you are all well

posted by personallog! @ 12:34 pm   0 comments
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Here comes the sun!!

Its getting warmer and I think the jump is looking more likley.....oh sh*t! I going to have to do it arnt I! I think its quite insane now. My legs are walking me to do something nasty anyway. Now they are going to jump me out of a plane!!!!!

There is part of me that is realy excited but the other part of me is dredding it. I am doing it for everyone out there that has this HELL of a disease. Its just one person sticking his fingers up at it. We dont need this disease!

I haven't put a picture up here for a bit....I will update with a view from my window today. My ms nurse is going to be here in a bit. I am going to ask her for help in getting me retired off.... yes you read right! I havent been at work for such a long time and I just want to finish it. Excercise is keeping me happy, well its stopping the depression anyway. But there is more to life than this! There has to be! Does that mean I am giving up? Hell no!

Hope you are all well!

Take a look at this guy! Manchester based and he has done the stem cell treatment to no effect. Great read and I hope he finds something to make him feel better soon! Keep your chin up Steve!
"The theme of my life just now is survival Just get through the day. It's a challenge. Physically: to function within the parameters set by the disease. Mentally: not to be controlled by anger, blame, bitterness and fear. Not to capitulate to victim mentality and catastrophizing. The challenge is to still love being alive and being myself in spite of what’s happened to me. To be in the moment. To let go of my (dead as disco) dreams and aspirations. And to trust I have the courage and strength to deal with whatever comes my way."
Steve Murphy
Stem Cell Pioneer 2006.
posted by personallog! @ 7:28 am   3 comments
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Just me again????
****THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST (Iron Maiden)****
Sorry Just fancied an oldie but goodie! The lead singer(Bruce Dickenson) is a pilot and he is a mean sword fighter. Its amazing what you can do over time eh!
What a surprise, I recieved an email from Jen which says she would rather see me go back to St Annes and get the support I need than struggle on my own in Manchester.... Well it great to see her make a discision for once and be honest about it. Yeah I still love her and understand why she said that...Well I am running out of money and it would be a big step for anyone to go out with a ms'er....Like me!

Am I upset? Yeah.
Am I relieved? Yeah.
Am I moving away?....No no and thrice NO!

I couldnt sleep last night and lay looking at the celing(The usual place!hehe) and I thought to myself....You can do this for yourself Dave. Why did you need someone to compleate you? To be honest. I dont need someone to compleate me. I am me and if you dont like it then I will do it on my own anyway. I dont need to be mothered I need to get to know myself again and build on it. I am not dead yet and I will go out quiet and silent the same way I came in....On my own!

I was going to put the email from Jen on here for you all to read but you dont need to see that. I think she has made the right choice to be honest....But if she doesnt do something with her life now when is she going to be able to. She is young in years and in other ways to but she needs someone/something in her life that makes it worth while for her....I think thats what I want for her too. I dont want to make her feel bad, I never have. I know she felt unconfortable at the gig and I dont think she would be able to get used to the ever changing factors of ms in me! It sucks....But what you going to do eh!

What does Dave do? Take it on the chin, accept it and get on with it! The same as I did with my last one! Ho hum! Am I doing the right thing?....there is only one way to find out!

I went out today to pick up some milk and a few things. I met three people that I know. I got chatted up by a young lass, I got talking to two others in a shop and I relised something. I like me and Manchester isn't that bad really. The sun was shining and I felt....good! The pain factor seems minimal when your warm and full of pain killers. I got a text from Jen and I was actually busy. Wierd! It was hot and I felt not effected by it....I wonder why? I have a docs note for the rest of the week so I think I will spend it getting a tan.hehe!
Deffinatly a 'Cinematic Orchestra' day. Time for a smoke me thinks!
***After Stephs's comment below! I have got in touch with my ms nurse to discuss what my options are. She is coming tomorrow moorning at 9:30! Any body got and questions for her? I know I have a few!hehe!(sorry Alison!)*****

Hope your all well, I dont feel bad at all!
posted by personallog! @ 10:19 am   7 comments
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Words of wisdom!!!!
Jaime says:
It seems to me that we are all put on this earth for a purpose, and I have to believe (probably for my own sanity) that I have gone through all this shit for some reason, so I figure that reason must be so that I can help others who are going through the same thing, or something similar.

Cheers Babe!
posted by personallog! @ 10:40 pm   0 comments
I think Manchester has had my best days....
*****I GOT TO HAVE HER (John Hunt Jazz Band)******Change of music too:
*****SING FOR ABSOLUTION (Muse)*****
I think I have had it with Manchester....I need help and I cant expect complete strangers to pick me from the floor anymore. Yes it happened again and I no longer feel the man I was. I haven't got any other gigs planned or anything...Its sad to say it but I think I have had it with this place. The blues....Maybe...But that realization that I can't do it on my own is the scary thing I have to pay attention to! There is help out there and I could probley stay in this flat if funded by the government but I know I would never leave the flat. What do I do plan more things in Manchester or just hold my hands up and say "I am finished!". I rang in sick to work today too(so much for the week holiday eh!) and I feel like I am letting them down in a huge way. If I do the jump this weekend I will collect the money and start looking for the best way for me to have the best life I can with this disease.

The reason I left the flat this morning was to see if I could intercept a t-shirt that is being sent from Canada. Yeah the Larry the lesion t-shirt I won on eBay. The reason why its being sent to my ex-girlfriends house is that I haven't done the administration and changed my address with Paypal! I don't even know if she is there now or not....Its been a year so probley not! Well at least the money goes to charity....I really don't look good in yellow anyway!hehe! I have to ring the post office depo to see if it comes in and they can stop it! Oh well!

I am a strong man mentally but the body is failing me and that bit is scary! Time to break out the cigars and the jazz music for me I think! I am not expecting anyone to hand me a life on a plate, but a hand to help would be good. This post isn't to get Jen to make the big jesture and move in with me....She has her own stuff to deal with and I can't help her with that. I can be there for her if she wants someone to talk to. I hope you know that babe! I have to think about my welfare for the future....Don't I?

Sorry if this post has bought anyone down, thats is not my intention. I am just recording it for my records.

I hope you are all well.
A sad Dave

Mood swings with really!!!!(cheers for this Jaime!) Might explaine todays post!
posted by personallog! @ 12:04 pm   2 comments
Monday, May 08, 2006
The after effects of pushing myself to hard....
Well its not attractive I will tell you that... I am not sleeping very well either. I need to get myself a new mattress as its hurting me. But as you know, when my body hurts I spend more time on the internet looking for things that will help me get through it....And answering emails. I got one from Kim(I had to wait for an email from another country before I found it on my door step)and she told me about a podcast in the UK. It amazing to hear an English podcast with so much vigor and absolutely no holds bard view point on disability. Please note the name of the site is "Ouch",very reminisant of Larry the Lesion catch phase!

Anyway here is the link!
they are on the second episode now but you can get each one from these links:

The first episode:

The second:

Please do give them a listen. I think you have to be confortable with disability to listen to it....But I think I have come to terms with being disabled much so I think I will give them a call after Kims challenge on the ms specific podcast....Ms podcast is over on the right>>>(I am sure you have all had a listen..Haven't you!!!!!)

Well I think I have some listening to do seeing as I am off work again after such a busy weekend.

Now I am tired!
Hope you are all well
posted by personallog! @ 9:23 am   3 comments
Saturday, May 06, 2006
What a gig!!!

I will say it first....I have a massive nose I know! What a great gig! I had a top time and I think I broke Jen with leaning on her! I only had too sit down through two tunes through the whole gig! I am so proud of myself! Yes I could have done better but....ho hum! The new album has to be bought as soon as I have cash as they realy rock! The new tunes rule! I didn't drink while I was there or before but had to get a whiskey once home. The make up didn't run either!hehe! Well Jen looks realy tired and I think I should get her to bed quick! Didn't see Bobbeh at all.(no surprise there eh!)

hope you are all well and here is to the next one!

Did you know there is 1 person per hour every day that is diagnosed with ms?
Even if we find a cure I think we have to concetrate on getting us back to normal some how! Click here for myelin production idea. Maybe we dont need stem cell treatment!
posted by personallog! @ 11:23 pm   4 comments
Friday, May 05, 2006
Where for art thou?
****VANILLA LAIN (Radiohead)****

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou her maid art far more fair than she.
Be not her maid, since she is envious.
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off.
It is my lady! O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks, yet she says nothing.
What of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold; 'tis not to me she speaks.
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return. (6)
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!

Hmmmm shakey you devil you. I feel that I may visit again your tales of woe and doomed love....But not too soon eh!

Today is the day of the gig. I will let you know how it goes once I have had some sleep(its 12:30 the night before as I write this!)

****Update 11:31 am on day of gig! I have done some research on the support group to the Dresden Dolls. This is were it gets difficult:
1. DeVochKa: Russian feel band, sounds quiet funky with there guitars. Well I say Russian, they sound Russian as they have a few tracks in English and they have a certain meloncony about them. If you dont believe me click here! Oh...look at the tour dates! Band from the US have a listen! I guess its these guys!
2. The Devotchka's: Dark punk band with female lead singers, they sound angry and don't have one track that I have found, and listened to, that doesn't sound like its fresh out of the 70's punk period. They would feel quite at home supporting the Sex Pistols.
3.Devochka: Kinda down beat but have a vibe about them. Hard to explaine but worth a listen if you can find them.
This is just in case you didn't think that I did my research! I am going to have a great time!hehe!
Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 11:41 pm   0 comments
The heat is slowly building....
This is the first morning in a week Jen hasn't been here when I have risen. It is strange but I knew she wasn't going to be here as she has to go to her parents to check on her father, he isn't too well and needs her to be there. I understand this. She will be back tomorrow for the gig(this is why I am leaving Dresden Dolls on!) and I think I will be ready. Its going to be a challenge but its so going to be worth it. I love the band.

Right the title...The heat is getting to me a bit over the past two days but I have been showing the 'man face' in front of Jen. Pain management is needed today but I am on my own so I don't have to show off. The heat is giving me the ms shivers but its managable. I have a new stance for the Elvis knee!I just have to take it easy today so I am ready for the gig. No drinking today!hehe! I just hope I don't over do it tomorrow as I am back at work next week(that should be fun!) and I have a few things to sort out so I can get in. I have done some reading on this(as you might imagine) and it works out that the business I work for has to claim for taxi fares from the government. It comes under the access to work law that was passed in 94 (please correct me if I am wrong!) but because I have worked for them for over 2 years...They should help me get access. If I have to look into how they should claim it I will....To be honest I could see then retiring me off or firing me!(Either way works for me!) I have enough business acumen to know its not worth thier while to keep me on the books if I am not getting into work. I have a feeling this is going to be a future interesting read for anyone in the UK who has ms and is working so I will keep everyone updated. Well if they fire me anyway!hehe

I know I havent done much reading this week and I need to catch up with some friends who live in the internet world but honestly I will do the rounds soon. I have missed sitting here typing.....Well not too much as I was busy!lol! Its is great to feel like a man again. Disabled but can still rock someone's world!hehe!

Just got a message from Jen saying Dresden Dolls is sold out(so its going to be busy!) and they are being supported by a band called:Devotchka.
If this is the case I am not wearing makeup! I have just found some music by them....They are a punk band (tacks like:Punks Unite!! and Oi Troy)with a lady lead singer! But the band:The Devotchka's. Is a a girly goth band(more likley) who don't sound to bad(tracks like:How it Ends)! If there is a danger of me getting my head kicked in by a punk I am going to have to be prepaired for it! Some excitment what ever happens!hehe

Hope you are all well, sorry for the dirt!hehe
posted by personallog! @ 10:24 am   7 comments
Thursday, May 04, 2006
2 Days to go till Dresden Dolls, 1 Week till Jump!!
Extra Epstienbarr evidence

Maybe its a change in mission statement but I know once I have the two events stated in the title, I think I have to do one thing at a time. Instead of trying to do more than one thing at a time....I am going to take my time and do things well. Isnt that the best way to go?


****SING (The Dresden Dolls)*****
I Saw the video for this on Kerrang last night and it rocks! I can wait to see them live! The next question is do I get a t-shirt!(er no Dave no funds!)

Hope you are all well
posted by personallog! @ 9:16 am   3 comments
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Late night music choice....
****JEREMY (Pearl Jam)****

This is a week where I spend too much....But I am having so much fun! I guess the banks will chase me later!

Hope your all well! 3 days too go!
posted by personallog! @ 7:07 pm   2 comments
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
I know this isnt Nat.....but its cool!hehe
I cant remember who does this tune....Can anyone help?

I have this week dedicated to having fun. I might be ill with this dambed disease but I can still shake my ass!hehe! I have the Dresden Dolls on saturday and I intend to be there all night. I will be practising standing for a hour each night and increasing it by 30 mins every night till saturday. If its aq long gig then I want to be standing for it! This is if Jen releases me from being tied to the bed, Crazy I know but the handcuffs chafe after a bit!lol!
I have all week off with Jen but I refuse to give up on the gig. Excersise is the key. As long as I dont over do it!

Updates will be short this week as I dont think I will have time. I will keep the tunes flowing tho! I am happy and hope you are too!

Hope you are all well.
posted by personallog! @ 6:13 pm   2 comments
Monday, May 01, 2006
Recovery week/what's next bucko?
****HEART SHAPED BOX (Nirvana)****|

I have had a great time this weekend and now its time for the never ending hang over of ms...What's next? Get more music and start to look at my life again?

The greatest problem with ms and living with it is the time you get to think.

Have I led a good life? Have I done everything I wanted to do? Will I be able to in the future? And the corker that gets me every time....Could I still do it?

Ms is hard, ms is a bitch, ms is mine and it sucks but I am going to do it the best that I can! I am full of hate when I think I could have done 'this or that' but that hate I have to bottle or I will end up doing something like Jigsaw in Saw the movie.(yeah right Dave!!!) That hate I need to channel into something positive or it will kill me! Its keeping bottled that makes me the man I am...Isn't it?

When the friends have gone and the body no longer works there is only my family and music left. That makes me very angry that I didn't appreciate life when I was capable and get every bit and enjoy it! Ok there is lots I can still do even with being disabled but its the choice now that has a different shade or color!

Maybe I am just getting these thoughts now instead of being 65 years old and looking back over my life.(I didn't use any age group in particular here, I just think its relevant that's all!) Every day, a mid life crisis eh!

All the way through my rock teenage years I said I would be dead by 30...Now I am here....I am now dead! Its just the living dead that's pissing me off!
That being the case I am going to look at this as a new start to a different type of life! I think the shade just got a little lighter. Lets give this a good shot eh!

Plenty of more cookies and donuts to eat!hehe

Hope you are all well! Plenty more years to rock!!

I just listened to a beautiful piece of music on Michelle's blog! Click here to see it Or at the side>>>
posted by personallog! @ 12:49 pm   0 comments
ms....not just a diary
About Me

Name: personallog!
Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom
About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!! See my complete profile

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