Thursday, November 30, 2006
The nieghbor drama continues as always.
See'ing Maria without a drink in her hand and being focused on something like an interview(it happened this morning!) is opening a new woman. She knocked on my door and has been very possitive this morning. Fingers crossed for her that she will get it. Anyway the rest of today is going to be taken up with some DVD's that came this morning. Six Feet Under season 3(a present to myself...well the 1st one anyway lol).Yey!

It took Amazon.co.uk two days to get it to me and that is very fast. Now can you see why I always get upset when it takes them a month to get 24 to me. They are really good when they are good and realy horrid when they are bad. Anyway I am going to watch some TV!

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 1:26 pm   0 comments
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
For Jen!
Touched By Vast

touched, you say that i am too
so much, of what you say is true
i'll never find someone quite like you again
i'll never find someone quite like you, like you
the razors and the dying roses
plead i don't leave you alone
the demi-gods and hungry ghosts
oh god, god knows i'm not at home
i'll never find someone quite like you again
i'll never find someone quite like you again
i, i looked into your eyes and saw
a world that does not exist
i looked into your eyes and saw
a world i wish i was in
i'll never find someone quite as touched as you
i'll never love someone quite the way
that I loved you

for Jen!
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 11:20 pm   1 comments
Am I doing the right thing by being someone to talk too?
I have noticed a strange thing today. People find it easy to talk to me. I have had a visitor this morning. Maria from next door(You know the drunken Irish woman) and I have helped her research to position she has applied for and helped her get ready for the interview. Not being drunk is a good quality on her. I hope she gets it as it will 'free up' my day without interrupting my research anymore. I just listened to her and coached her through a couple of standard interview questions. The thing about coaching is...Its like going to therapy if done right. You don't ask many questions but the ones you do ask have to be open questions.

What...?
Why...?
When...?
Who...?
How...?

I found that all her madness has risen from a bad relationship in the past...Men eh!lol. I found out where the drinking habits came from(her mother!) and I think she sorted out her problems just by finding a person who was willing to liisten...

I would have thought no more about it but got got on public transport to reward myself and buy a beer.A compleate stranger told me about her son's troubles as he had a stroke in the womb before birth. I think she saw how hard I stugged to sit in the disabled section of the bus.(she was sat in the wheelchair port!) Yet again I listened and talked to her when she had finished and she gave me his life story and how she was dealing with it. I didn't even ask her what her name was and she left with a smile and a wave as the bus left...

I don't mind helping other people by doing nothing but listening. I don't get any thing from it either. There is no rush of a job well done. But its helping someone somehow. Is that my job now? To travel the world helping people like grasshopper in kung fu? I find it very easy if it is. Using what energy I have to listen...Yeah thats fine by me. Lets see what tomorrow brings eh.

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 2:28 pm   5 comments
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Jen is coming today!!!


I will update later today, I just thought some interlude music is needed!Hehe!

Hope you are all well
Dave

*****After Jen visit*****
Jen got me a present...One of the best movies I have seen in a long while. There is a strange undertone to the movie that I find very appealing...The idea that government may want to infect the general public for financial gain....Hmm definitely made me think for a while afterwards. An amazing and beautiful film anyway(V For Vendetta) and I hope you enjoy this video (Music by Vast)with clips from the movie.


Paranoia runs rampant, but I did learn something from it. Thank you baby I hope you enjoy my present to you.

Dave
posted by personallog! @ 9:44 am   2 comments
Monday, November 27, 2006
A day of being proud of myself.
Lets break it down...

1. Interesting news report including research by Dr Goldman. One of the first news reports which I understand and have full support for. Yes its stem cell research, but also includes other diseases that would see a benefit from this if research is to continue. They are researching in the right area that could see some major results. Cells research, in my humble opinion, is the best way to go to get a cure for us...Just take a look at my research blog.(PAR3 Dr Goldman PAR3!)


2. Completed my Christmas shopping...I have 1 more to get but I can pick that up in the morning.

3. I realise today that I can do life on my own. I sat back in my chair and looked about the fount room and I got a flash of realisation that I have done this on my own. Yes I have needed help to get where I am today but I think this is the first day where I have felt proud of myself. I like this feeling and plan to be proud for a long time to come.

4. My freezer is full. I could cook a meal for 6 people here should an emergency arise. Not that one is going to it just something I learnt from my ex and its something I believe in.

Jen is coming tomorrow so I feel its safe to change the music now. Her is something from my old collection: The Orb:Little fluffy clouds


Good proud feelings today!
Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 1:31 pm   2 comments
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Sunday a day of rest...Just like the rest of the week eh!
Just read a news report on this....Damb goats!

How many times does this type of thing have to happen before true research brings about a cure? How many companies will jump on the false cures and market things that are not? Another day of searching and getting rid of peoples mis-led hopes.

Hmm not a happy Dave

Hope you all are well.
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 12:51 pm   2 comments
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Interesting day today...
I think Thomas Edison said it best:
"We know less than millionth of one percent about anything"
or as Woody Allen put it:
"Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge, but others only gargle"

I think both quotes cover today. I have done another update on my research blog, I have been out amongst the common folk to food shop and I still feel distant from the human genome. I don't think of myself as royalty by any means but when you see the locals in my area you can't help but wonder. For the 1st time in ages I feel removed from society and I don't know what I want to do. This confusion will be with me for sometime I think.

Being less mobile than others is a piss'er and is starting to wear me down. The "why me" question is screaming at me today and I don't know why. Maybe I am just tired, I don't know. I think I need some comedy or something. Maybe I just need some death metal...No Just this:

Thats better and if you don't know who they are you need a slap!

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 2:17 pm   0 comments
Friday, November 24, 2006
Just get rid of the last thing my ex had her hands on...
And I adopt another thing! My father came round today and gave me his reserve monitor so that I can now see the Internet again....And then he told me that my ex got it for him. Am I ever going to be free? The thing is it works and I am here no matter where it came from(The monitor not my ex).

My dad gave me the option on whether I wanted to go to St Anne's or stay in Manchester. I chose to stay here in Manchester as I am awaiting some post for the impending Christmas jollies. Lets see if it more relaxing here. Time on my own is just what I need eh! Nothing to report on diary front really apart from this TV, its huge and weighs a tun...Not as pretty as my last one but I will get used to it.

I have done a further update on my research blog but I am not happy with it and want to do more...Well its neurology.....I don't think its quiet right compaired to my previous updates and I will work on it over the weekend.

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 4:37 pm   0 comments
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Happy thanks giving....isn't it?
Good wishes to all my American friends for thanks giving. I have just seen a news report that say it...I don't know if it is but good wishes all the same.

Just a diary input today. Been to the shops. Got some food. Bumped into my, normally drunk neighbor and she was not drunk and strangely sober. She was great and very pleasant. She told me about a possible job she maybe going for. She has been off work all year due to depression(WARNING, WARNING DAVE!!!!) and is looking forward to returning to work. It seems that meeting me had something to do with that. Maybe I did help! I don't want any thanks from her though, as she still scares me.

I have finished the book she let me borrow and can't wait to jump into a book of my choice. I have four in reserve.

Nearly died this morning when my flat screen monitor would not turn on for my computer. Its working now ofcourse but I think it doesnt have long left in it. More things to buy!I don't have to worry about it yet.

Anyway...
Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 1:53 pm   1 comments
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Quite day again!
Christmas presents bought:
Jen:Done
Dad:Done
Mum: So hard to buy for so not done but I have an idea which I will pick up tomorrow!
Sister:Done...And her birthday too...Which is christmas day!
Little brother:Done
Older brother: not done
Older brothers Family:Not done but I know what to buy for each one of them.
Grandpa:Done
Nana:Not done
Grand dad and his girlfriend(I see her as grandma):Not done

Got to love the internet for shopping. Now just need beer and Christmas is paid for...Well for me anyway...And its not even December. I think I have to thank my ex for organising stuff...No its all me!
I must have missed someone.

Hope your all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 5:54 pm   0 comments
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
This tune is for Jen
*****SET THE FIRE TO THE THIRD BAR (by Snow Patrol)*****
"Set The Fire To The Third Bar"
(feat. Martha Wainwright)

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from here to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold gound
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have travelled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold gound
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold gound
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms


It will play here till I see her again. I love you babe!

Dave
posted by personallog! @ 7:08 pm   2 comments
Every day is like...


This morning Jen got up at 06:00...So did I. I waved her off at the door step like an every day thing should be. I will miss her till next week. I woke up this morning singing "Where's your head at" and feeling good. I thought for a second about getting another job as it was easy to get up at 6 and I tasted coffee and realised this is a one off and every day is like Sunday for me now. Just once in a while I would like to have a purpose so I can do something constructive. The reality of ms always hits me about two seconds into that thought. Maybe my "bit" is to help others in this perpetual Sunday and pull you through to the happy days again? I know I have a talent in that field.....Dave the emotional whore of Babylon!lol

I think today is going to be a day of reading my book. Just relaxing and listening to music. We all need that...Don't we? Tomorrow is another day after all and that's when I plan to take over the world(in a Pinky and the brain type way!)......But not until tomorrow eh!

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 7:42 am   1 comments
Monday, November 20, 2006
Busy day today.
Got up at 10:00 AM and watch my usual TV program.....I love chat shows where the people on the show have such a hard life and they need to have DNA tests and lie detector tests to prove there own existence means something to someone. It makes my life so much more worth something. The whole "My life is better than yours" is a great way to start the day on a high. I went to the shops and I can now get myself on to a bus without help. The strength in my arms is increasing daily and I was so proud of myself today. I got milk for my coffee...I think I might be drinking much since the weekend...Well how much is to much anyway? I got a visit from two more students wanting to know a bit more about ms and disablement and yet again they were very pleasant and polite. One day I intend to be able to say I am not disabled at all...One day eh! I hope they got what they needed... And here is the picture I got from them:



One day I will have to take the picture as they are leaving so I can see the difference in there faces, just in case I am boring them to tears. They did thank me for the chat and said it was better than learning from a dusty professor like they do at school. They did say that they want to learn more about ms now that they have talked to me so I see that as a benifit. We need all the people in the medical field to be looking this way if we want to make a big enough noise for them to cure us!

Well I have Jen coming tonight and I cant wait to get a hug from her. Its been a week since the last one....Too long in my eye's but I am not going to go down that route as it will only get me upset before she gets here......She is coming yey!

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 4:31 pm   0 comments
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Last night was amazing!
I went here Waxy Conner's

I got there on my own(Taxi but you know what I mean) and I had a great time. I met up with Amanda and her sister and we got drunk! It was great to drink somewhere else other than my flat. I got free range to the lifts and the disabled toilets and felt the security guys were there for me. It was great to be out and be in control. The guys even got me to the frount of the Que in the taxi rank when I wanted to go home....At 2 in the morning. The girls were cool and went to the bar every time our glasses where empty. I got very very drunk and didn't make a fool of myself.....Well I hope I didn't anyway. There was one incident when a young lady wanted to ride on my lap and I span round in a circle which was great fun. I even got a kiss on the cheek for doing so. I still don't know who she was. It was fantastic!

I think I will be smiling for weeks now. It was great to get a different view point on going out. See....Feel the fear on do it anyway does work. I really felt the benefit sitting on my wheelchair all night. I had a seat where ever I went. Smiles all around. I did wish Jen was there more than once as the chair dancing was not the same without her. Guinness rocks though!

Just recovery now and its not too bad this morning. Just got tired arms from dancing,waving my arms to the beat and pushing my ass everywhere. I had a great time. And the best bit is Jen is here tomorrow night too!yey!

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 11:33 am   1 comments
Saturday, November 18, 2006
I go away for a couple of days....
And I have missed so many news reports.

Just check out this positive news report for Stem cells and what they have done so far,click here for info.

OK it only tested on dogs so far but there is going to be leaps and bounds for the medical field and its not too far from ms damage repair. MD is different I know but its close to MS if only alphabetically. Its good to get a positive report.

You know I promised myself a trip to the bar by myself...Well I am going out tonight to an Irish bar in town(I am meeting up with a friend while I am there!). I have called the bar direct to check for disabled access and they said its fine. They are going to look after me too. Its amazing what I will do for a pint of Guinness.Hehe. I will let you know how it goes and if your lucky I will find the Internet tour so you can see for yourself.

I have to get over the fear and the only way I see to do that is to do it and have a good time. I will have enough money to get a taxi into and back. I am going to eat and have a couple of beers and come home. Its about time anyway.

Feel the fear and do it anyway. I have spent to much time in this flat. Right I have to get some money out from the bank.

Hmmm beer!

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 1:57 pm   3 comments
Friday, November 17, 2006
Finished and gob smacked yet again!
That was great.

I am tired now though. I got straight on the net and was shocked to see the advert for 24 season 6 from the fox website. Released in the states in January 2007 so that will mean release in the UK in about October. Oh My Gawd!!!!

I really need to rest up. Watching Jack Bower kick ass for 24 hours straight is killing me! How long can this guy go? A realism question always comes to me at the end....When does this guy pee? I haven't once seen this guy go to the toilet in any of the 5 seasons. I don't want to see him on the toilet or anything just to see him say "I will be back soon I have to use the John" or something. Everthing else is fine. Well researched and presented. You even feel the need to fight with him and fall in love with the same ladies as he does....How long can this go on for? I think season 7 as so many different shows finish after 7 from the US. 6 foot under,Startrek, Starwars.

Is 7 the unlucky number for shows over there or something? Do people loose interest after 7 over there? You did the right thing with CSI as thats been going for years and I realy hope 24 takes the same route by getting other divisions. Imagine CTU Washington or something! Bring in other big names to work along side him.

Sorry rant over with. 1 more year till release for number 6 and I know I will wait with baited breath! That show rocks! Well done guys!

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 4:56 pm   0 comments
Thursday, November 16, 2006
ITS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Celebrations!!!!! 24 season 5 is here so I am going to be away for a couple of days. I will leave you with some music from my own collection just to confuse you for this time. It will tell you a bit more about me, the hidden Dave is not just a rocker by the way!
Layo & Bushwacka - Love Story (Tim Deluxe's Mix)


Where's your head at- Basement Jaxx


Weekend Michael Gray


Pretty saucey that one........Sorry I am Dave and I am a man with needs.

I own this one too: Bellini - Samba De Janeiro


Right have to go and watch. Celebration over and now to buisness with 24! See you on the other side.
Oh forgot to say. I have two more christmas presents ordered and en route....Only 8 more to get!
Hope you are all well.
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 11:32 am   4 comments
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Still no 24!GRRRRRRR!
Still in awe of yesterdays OTEP track. Really gruff and angry metal track. I need that from time to time. Its good to control you anger at the same time but the emotional release of just having a cathartic growl to a good metal tune is always good. Or in my case....When you need to call Amazon.co.uk to ask where the hell 24 season 5 is......Listen to death metal before hand and have a relaxing conversation so you can get them to deliver your goods in a civilised way. They have said it will be here by Saturday...Hmmm we will see.

The thing I did get today in the post today included a stem cell therapy update from the ms society. Nothing to report here as I think that I have covered my feelings on it before. Nice to know they are investigating all the same.

I have a few things to do today but nothing that means I have to leave the flat(Christmas shopping from the comfort of my pc table!). My bank account received the first payment for housing benefit today and I think this month will be the first comfortable one I have had for a while. Maybe getting rid of my anger into a good metal tune has been good for me.

Anyway I have to check in with Jamie as she has reported an impending relapse due to being run down with raising money with the CD. That girl is not reserving her spoons by any means. I am proud to call her my friend and of the work she has done but I want her to be here longer without relapse and always ask her calm down.

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 10:52 am   5 comments
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Morning shocker...She came and surpized me!
You know I hate Happy Potter for many reasons(with a vengeance!) but I love the tune and I hope you do to. Jen came this morning so I will update later when she goes..Still no 24 yet! Anyway enjoy the tune:

****After Jen visit*****
I got some post today from a young lady in the Canada side of the US. Steph is a god send as always and she felt the need to stop my report on American chocolate. Now if I had Hedgehogs before I woundn't say a word. My god that's good chocolate! I would love to meet Steph she is great. I asked if I could do a request for her on here, she asked for something from this band OTEP: I like them too!

Steph rocks, Steph rocks! Love ya chick go get that job! Good luck babe!

Hope you all are well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 9:36 am   2 comments
Monday, November 13, 2006
Back to reality...
I'm back! Still no 24...The thing is I could have picked it up in the shops before now! Release date was Monday....Last Monday! I did get two notes in the post over the weekend to say there is something waiting for me. Its not 24 tho its chocolate from Canada. Hmmmm Maple syrup chocolate from Stephanie god bless her cotton socks. I can't wait for it. I have phoned them and played the "I am disabled can you try again for me please....Pretty please" card. and its coming. I am going to send some English chocolate back. She is a star. And who knows I might get 24 in the morning too. Jack Bower himself could come over and deliver it faster.

I had a great weekend and drank my fill on the beer side. The hang over was a bitch and the side effects have wiped me out even today. It didn't stop me going to the shops and buying some milk for my coffee that is much needed today. The post has been very fruitful today with the refreshing letter from the disability office starting a fresh batch of benefits is coming for the next 12 months....Well guess what I am still disabled. I even have a new symptom when sitting on Claire. My left leg wobbles when I push forward...Myelin expose I guess but not a huge problem. People tend to think "I wounder what happened to the hippy?" rather than "look at his left leg jumping". I am realy tired but I think that because I can't smoke in my parents house and I have to go outside. The legs are working overtime but the pain is minimal. Kind of like muscle pain when you have worked out for too long. Nothing to report to my ms nurse or anything. Its the swiming head and raging hang over thats doing me no favors.

No sympathy please its self inficted and I don't diserve it.

Ok I have to shave while I still have some control over my hands and the shivering.(Its freezing here and I think it won't be long before snow fall)

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 3:04 pm   3 comments
Saturday, November 11, 2006
1 day away from my house and I get 37 emails..


I miss my computer every time I come to my parents. At least I can get great music where ever I go! The tune above is by Massive Attack... the tune: Angle. the video is by Strangeguurlxx again. It shows Blade Trinity which will make my Vampire bretheren happy if they read this at all.

Anyway.

I have added two new pics to my snaps today. I am relaxing and enjoying myself. Beer is flowing nicley.

The weather is freezing... I don't know which is better hot or cold.

Back to normal come monday! Well if 24 is there!
Hope you are all well!
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 2:26 pm   2 comments
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Still no Gawd dam 24!!!!


Music and a video from my collection...But I didn't make it(thanks StrangeguulXX from youtube.com)! I know.....Dave the Emo but I don't care! You had the Cure yesterday so what do you expect eh! I love Zed Lepplin.

I am going out today. I just have to wait for the 2nd post to make sure 24 season 5 isn't in it. Then I am going down to pick the post up from them myself! I know they have it as it left Amazon.co.uk on Monday. The release date was Monday and it should have been at my door step then according to the records and website. Just another let down! It seems to be the right time in the year to let me down. If you want something done do it yourself!

I have been angered by this week. A friend let me down(again!) saying he would give me a lift to St Annes to see my parents for the weekend. 24 is out there in the ether and still isn't here. I havent recieved any mail from the guys in St Annes to say whether my bid for the house went in.(don't get me started on that...) I had 4 beers last night on my own...Again. And the thing is... I still am not sure this weekend is going to be the answer to all my problems. I am angry again and I know I should be directing this anger into something more constuctive than this flat and the little things but I don't know what!

When I have got angry in the past I have always been able to do something possitive as a responce. But this time I am stumped! I havent picked up my book in two days...Maybe thats the problem.

Left ankle hurts like I have a blister on the heal of my foot but there is nothing on it. Day 3!

Sliced Balls, Bad Balls!

Thats better! I feel good now. Sliced balls youtube kills me!haha
Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 9:30 am   4 comments
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
10,500 people with ms in Scotland!
The highest concentrated ms hit in the world and they are finally investigating why! If ever I was going to investagate ms I would start here. Not because I love the area or that I would love to go back there but it should be easier to get some similarities between the effected people. It will be easier to spot the base level and I am thankful to read that they are doing just that. Have a read of this about Lesley-Anne(Beautiful woman!hehe)Click this paragraph for details!The Cure: The blood

I think the first thing they should look at is the fact that we are all dam good looking.....Well its a place to start eh! I might be the exception to the rule of course as I am a pig but every time I look about pictures of the women...

I just can't flirt over the Internet can I!

Right the diary bit: I still haven't got the new 24 and I am very temped to go out to the post office and shout at them. I am all up to date with my bills. I need a shave and I am tempted.....Again, to get my hair cut. I have worked out why men over 30 don't have long hair. I got a gray hair that fell over my field of vision and had to check my head for any others in the bathroom mirror. I am growing grey massively. Next step bald!!! Oh the joys of life! You know........I not going to worry about it and just enjoy it. Its part of life. I might be going grey and bald but its a sign that I am getting older in the face of everything that is against me and still smiling.

I am still trying to work out why I can grow my hair and not grow more myelin around my nerves. Is it just one more step? Work it out for myself?

I have a new pain in my left ankle. I don't have new boots or anything but it feels like something has been rubbing it and its got worse over the last two days. I am keeping an eye on it here. Maybe its a problem with not being on my feet much like a bed sore or something. The downside to riding Claire maybe!

Hope you are all well.
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 11:06 am   5 comments
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Stuck in my ways already???
****Hexamgram By Deftones***********
Jen came today and we went to the cinema to see Saw 3(which rocks by the way, I loved it!) and I noticed an new "Quality" in me. I love Jen in a big way and I can tell she loves me in many ways. She wants to help me with everything. We went out and she pushes Claire and my big ass to the nearest tram transport to go into town and to the cinema. I pushed some and she pushed me across busy streets etc....I was fine with the amount of work and resting as a passenger but it was only on the way back that I notice my short replies and the feeling that I didn't have control. Living by myself maybe a contributing factor to this as I get stuck in my ways and I know what I can do,but when I receive help when I didn't ask for it I get more wound up. Its not the fault of the person helping me. Its internal to me. I know I should be thankful for the person being there as they help but it gets so hard for me to except and I start for freak out over the tiny est things. I can't work out why either. Maybe its a finale acceptance thing on the ms side. Maybe its a childish thing of loosing my man hood. Excepting disablement is dam hard when you have had a life of full mobility.

Maybe if I had this wheelchair from birth it would be easier. I know I don't want to hurt any ones feelings(especially Jens) when they are helping me in future. I know it makes me hate ms more, if that's possible, for putting me at this point. But I have to remember the ms got me to meet Jen in the first place...So I think its quits...Oh I owe ms a favor anyway for getting rid of the ex! Dam it! Sorry but the internal workings of my psyche is going to be going a long time with this one.
Should I just except help with no regard to what I feel is best for me? If so what to I really become....Dave to breathing door stop? I realize by typing this there will be people who are close to me will now be worried about how much help they can give but I am just telling you so you don't feel upset by MY reactions....OK some just say "its only Dave" and carry on but do I shut up and except it? I know I am going to hurt someones feeling by shouting at them while I try and work it out. So I am sorry in advance....I am just Dave having a heppy!

Hope you are all well and Heppy free.
Dave
P.S I do love you loads Jen and thankyou for taking me.xxx
posted by personallog! @ 4:10 pm   0 comments
Monday, November 06, 2006
Immersed in fiction, the mercy salvation.
Escaping reality into a great book, wheather writing or reading, is the best escapism I have found so far in my two years of having this disease. Yes having music playing in the background is a great help and a must. Any escape is a great help in living with ms. I think I have found my outlet and where I want to go with a career in the future. I get great rush of pleasure just writing and reading other peoples work. There is photography...And I want to do more of that but it is a very specialist field if you want to have a life with it and earn some real money doing it. Just take a look at Amanda Norman's work:



A fantstic artist with great potential. She setup a website and sells her pictures from birthday cards and greating cards and she has my admiration. I even have this picture on my desktop at the moment.(I have asked permission for the use of the picture and to advertise her website before you ask!) So it is possible to change your career and do something you enjoy. Isnt that what life is about? Not feeling pain every second of the day and making that your life. Amanda's very dark and very gothic looking grave yard shots are fantastic and can be found here:

http://www.amandanorman.com/index.htm
And her friends art work I find very alluring LamiaFemina

http://lamiafemina.deviantart.com/gallery/?&offset=24

I love this peice:

So maybe the arts is were I want to go....No its where I belong. I even watched a special on TV last night about Mozart and found his ballads, especialy Amadaus, very appealing. Yes it makes a change from rock but I listened to it and I still love rock. I might not have the breading to be associated with the upper class but I felt I made it my own because I liked it. A day of mixed art and a different veiw point for my future. I now know I have to give up work for the bank and can ease into retirement doing what 'I want'. It will be a strugle but you name one thing in life that isn't. I have a book in the process of being compleated and I am getting so much from the experience of using my mind in a different way. I dont think its a best seller by any means. But thats why I am doing it....For me. Who knows eh!

Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 11:14 am   2 comments
Sunday, November 05, 2006
News report just in!
Sadam Hussain has been found guilty of crimes against humanity and will be hung. The trial finished today in Iraq by his own people in his own country. How should I feel about this....? I can't help but smile. There is no excuse for the use of chemical weapons like he ordered. 1 step closer to peace? No I don't think so. The question of martyrdom rumbles on.

I have been trying to think of music that I can put up on this update and I am stumped. I have looked about my friends different blogs and seen many different tastes...I know I want to put something of my own choice. To explains how I feel but I am still drawn back to my friends like a moth to a flame. The David Bowie track, I am afraid of Americans, isn't quite right and I don't want to upset the apple cart.
Maybe: Elliott Smith:Ballad of nothing
Has enough melancholy. Christain brothers is also being played quite a lot. No lets try this I think its a case of this:


I don't understand and it I laugh because its insane that my opinion should matter.
Sorry but an eye for an eye doesn't make it right in my eyes he would have to die a 1000 deaths for what he did. He is a bastard and I hate what he did to my bare sole but hanging I don't understand. No one person should have the power he did and cause that much pain to so many. I just don't know! I don't understand and something tells me that his evil shouldn't get recognition. What a strange world this is. Is it a victory or a step against the shroud of darkness and fear? What do I know eh!

Dave
posted by personallog! @ 10:14 am   1 comments
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Laundry day...
I am starting to get tired of surfing the net for answers about this disease when you see news reports about political issues such as the stem cell issue and Michel J Fox being dragged through the dirt then there is no positive report to follow up.

Yes MJF has a different disease but the research with stem cells would be beneficial to all. I touched upon a subject yesterday that points out a protein pathway that could hold away to re-insert the myelin into the already part stripped nervouse system and 'maybe' slow the disabling effect if not correct what damage that has been done. Guess what....We learnt that through science. Looking into the stem cell field will tell us more about how we are made. Its one more step. It makes me think of what life was like before we knew what the skeleton looked like without all skin and muscle tissue on it. The political side of this argument needs to finish and the work start now.

Now I could argue the case for and against but its not going to bring about any 'fix' when people are scared of the science's. There has been a life time of different movies and fiction designed to scare people with the mad scientist in his lab,the electrical bolts flashing in the back ground,the church organ giving a D flat to add effect.(he says sporting the Vampire website on the right!) I am not surprized really! The waiting for society to wake up a smell the coffee is playing with my nerves. I am not saying stem cell research is the answer.....I just want someone to start giving me answers and start looking.

I needed to vent some anger and clean my head. Laundry done.
Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 12:34 pm   0 comments
Friday, November 03, 2006
24 series 5 is coming!!!! And today's sh*t sandwich!
Mixed day already today...

received an email from Amazon.co.uk confirming the order for 24 season 5....Its about time! They have taken the payment and are passing it to the dispatch department. Errr...YEA!

Got a phone call from my mum saying that my dad has had a tough week and after his journey down south yesterday he is not very well and is in a lot of pain from whatever illness he picked up(might have a lot to do with helping my sister move out of the barracks too!). Its a shame but I understand and I am sure another week isn't going to be a problem for me. Just get well soon dad, I am thinking of you.

I got out to the shop this morning and bought extra food to cover the week. I even got into a book shop this morning. I saw three of the books on my list and didn't buy one of them. The bad bit is that they had a sale on and I bought two others which my wallet won't forgive me for. Its great to expand my book collection but I have been told every year,by my mum, not to buy stuff just before Christmas and to tell people about it so they have more options to buy for me. The two books I bought were:

1) Forever Odd by Dean Koontz
2) Equinox by Michael White

I still haven't finished the tale from my rather disterbed neighbor but I guess I have more time on my hands now and should be finished soon. She came around last night(with vodka and coke) and yet again I calmed her down before packing her away. We watched the Commitments before she left and she seemed to relax abit.(she is Irish and it reminded her of home!)

Jen canceled Monday night with me and will be taking me out on Tuesday to see Saw 3 at the cinema and I can't wait for that.

And finale...I have just read a report on the generals blog(Soon to be demoted to sargent if he is not nice!) and I am highly amused by his report. He did say I have a lot to say.....And I guess he is right but I see his report as a good thing and I am inspied to write more. That compleates todays sandwich!
Then some good one to end on! News report is not even on a google search yet to be linked to ms cure but you heard it here first!
Exciting news about PAR3 Protein, In basic english before you click this link. PAR3 pathway could help re-build myelin on damaged nerves and there is study into how to get it to work in patents with ms. There is current studies in the state of California that could point toward some good news. Very promising. Click here to read about PAR 3 Protein.

Thats what they are looking into. If you do a search for PAR3 and go by anything thats golf related you can find alot of information about how its needed in pregnacy for the devolopment of new born babies. I am so excited about this! Come on CA Docs!
Hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 2:02 pm   3 comments
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Happy birthday MSN hotmail UK 10 today!
Communication is the key to battling this disease. Learning in every aspect about yourself and finding the parameters of your ability has helped me and I don't think I would be the person I am today without talking to others. MSN has given me contact with people out there in the ether and I feel I have to say thankyou to them for giving me a simple tool to chat to others who I, in other means, would have not met in real life. That being the case I have met two young ladies this morning that are in Uni who wanted to know how I deal with disablement and ms. I hope I can help them with there studies as they have helped me this morning. Cheers girls


I havent been sleeping properly over the past few nights and they did wake me this morning but I think I brushed up fast enough to look(or give the impression) that I am human after all. If they learnt anything from me that will help them to help others then my job is done. If I freaked them out because I am a hippy with a limp.....Then so be it. At least I hope I gave a got impression of what ms is and what it has done to me. Spread the word and stop making people scared of the disease is a possitive move I think. Baby steps towards a better tomorrow?...Maybe!

I have a relaxing weekend planned before Jen returns on monday. Not that Jens visits are stressful in anyway ofcourse. I can't wait just to get a hug from her. Love you baby! I am planning to go to my mums house and get a Mam hug first and I hope the weather is good.

I have got some reading to do so I can return the book to girl next door as soon as possible. It turns out that the book is great and I can't put down for long. I have learnt something from that too...Never judge a person from the books that they read.(not the book by its cover at all Dave eh!) A good day so far apart from this news report on how women are prone to get ms.....But we knew that already eh!
Hope you are all well
Dave
P.S got two updates on my other blogs too today. 2XPics and research so not a wasted day today.
posted by personallog! @ 11:34 am   5 comments
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Halloween over for another year!
Well I got caught by 4 kids for the trick or treat gimmick. They were dressed up in masks and I didn't mind handing over the plastic sealed chocolate. The parents were standing at the bottom of my path and it gave me a sickening "AWWWW!" feeling in the pit of my stomach....So glad the go home to reek havoc and don't live me. I might have grown up over the last two years, but that doesn't mean I want kids yet.

I have to deal with another kid at the moment anyway. The limpet from next door came around last night.(that's the Kid BTW) And you will never guess what...She had a drink in her hand. I have to say yet again that my outlook on life is always to look at the bright side....She left the glass! She has inflamed my eagerness to read again. Whether its a case of handing the book back as soon as possible or not is debatable. I have found my love for books again. Last night I stayed awake till 5 in the AM just to find out what happens in the next chapter. The last book she gave me to read is gripping and very well writen. Peter James is a fantastic author and I will be looking for more of his work in the future. Which leads me to the next situation.

I have been asking family members what they would like recieve from me this year and there replies have been like this:

"I am not sure, just get something for the family that we can all use,what do you want/need"
or
"I have no idea, what do you want?"

And because I haven't thought about what I want(World peace and a cure for all disease is always my first reply which I am trying not to say anymore I promise) the convestation becomes stagnated with no result on either side. Well I have an idea now. If I put a list of books up here then people will be able choose and they will have something to get me. If anything they will be able to start telling me what they want.(This is the downside to trying to get things organised for a man at this time of year and the reason to why we leave it till the last minute!)

So Here is my book list:
1 Green river rising By Tim Wilcocks
2 Fear Nothing by Dean Koontz
3 Sole survivor By Dean Koontz
4 The green mile by Stephen King
5 Dead letter drop By Peter James
6 Dearly Devoted Dexter by Jeff Lindsey

So thats a list of what I would like, some of these are replacing what I have lost during the many house moves that have gone on. Please dont deffer for the list as I may have the second one in the series(or the one before). 6 book for 6 people in my nuclear family. Now WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!!!! sorry but maybe now you can tell me what you want. My warning will be this I have now seen 4 adverts on TV for Chrismas or Christmas related presents and I would reeeaaallly like to start before the rush of people go to the shops to get in the way of me and Claire the wheelchair. I hope this helps.

Oh and happy aniversary to my ms....You bastard and I hate you loads and want you out and take your disablement with you....Bitch!

Banyan: El Sexxo

banyan is stephen perkins of jane's addiction and panic channel with mike watt of the minutemen, firehose currently on tour with the stooges and on guitar nels cline of wilco. willie waldman on trumpet and norton wisdom performing visual art. Very impressed with the punk/Jazz band! I think they rock! Mucho grathiath.
I really do hope you are all well
Dave
posted by personallog! @ 9:21 am   0 comments
ms....not just a diary
About Me

Name: personallog!
Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom
About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!! See my complete profile

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