Friday, September 30, 2005
Diet diet diet! I think this is the way to go!
Yes I am off work today! Yes I am knackered! And yes its due to fatigue! The only reason I have the energy to type this is I have had somthing to eat. I was thinking about the gold coast diet again during the contact lense incident yesturday. I couldnt really move from the setee and could only watch tv through one eye, so I was alone with my thoughts. I was thinking about the amount of crap in my diet and what would be the best way to tackle it. I looked through my fridge and made some lunch!

Mixed herb salad with Fete cheese and cherry tomatoes. Seasoned with olive oil and black pepper....and mayonnaise!

I havent really made myself a salad in about 5 years.....but I am good at it! I have some great teachers(cheers mam!) It tasted great and I can feel the benifit today! I can hear the massive "yeah right dave!" and if you dont believe me then thats fine! Thats your choice! Yes I am still off work today and yes I am tired but I was straight in the fridge today to make it again! Ok so I have been off twice this week and day time television is doing nothing for my sanity but I am looking forward to next week. I know its going to be the next step for me....wobbley or not. I am still going to be doing the pizza tonight and I am still going to get drunk tonight! I am still going to smoke and get stoned! But I am going to take small steps towards better diet! Maybe starting by a health tasty meal once a day at first! Well If I come up on a good meal I will put it on here....just for my record more than anything else!

Todays music has to be another wierd one...Pixies:Tromp le Mond

Hope mthis is a turning point for me and you aswell
posted by personallog! @ 9:39 am   2 comments
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Half woke up....let me eye did!
I got up this morning not able to see out my left eye! Whoa! How did that happen? I think it might have something to do with the eye exam the other day! Having my eye prodded and poked trying to get a contact out!

I have called in sick to work as I keep loosing my balance too. It cant be an optic nerve thing as it would be botheyes wouldn't it? Its not helping my typing either! I am doing this with one closed and its so hard! I have fallen down three stairs at home and hurt my ankle. I have also walked in to a door frame too! Its rather funny I think. I know its going to be a day thing but its rather worrying. The skin around my eye is swollen so its probly going to be a a couple of days with this head ache. Its only one eye....I have another! Left eye is effected right is fine! If I had my glasses I would just take out both lenses! I have tried moving my eye from left to right and it feels like there is a folded lense in there so maybe its a tempary thing. I dont know. I managed to get to my front room a turn on the computer so...I guess I will be fine! Just winding me up because I want to go into work and collect more sponsorship after yesterday's leg ache!

Its still raining here and the shopping is in but I don't think I will be cooking for myself today. I think Cherio's all day for me! Something easy! I don't think I could choose music for today. Any suggestions for the half blind?

Thank god for spell checker. hehe.


11:45 found the problem! Part of a contact lense in my eye, taken it out but my eye is realy least I can chose music now! Now for something compleatly different(hehe!)
Aphex Twin:Alberto Balsam (this is freaky from my history of mad music!)Enjoy!
posted by personallog! @ 7:22 am   3 comments
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Did a full day at work today! That is my only good thing from today! I hate ms and the way that no one knows about it! I need to do more to really 'DO IT OVER!' Its raining in manchester from every angle! Its like a different country when it rains! I cant sit on walls and it makes the journey so hard to get back from work! I am soaked and my legs gave way from protest I think! I have sent the forms back for the parachute jump and my only chance to dropout of this is on the day!

"jump out of the plane"
"No!" type thing! I so need this holiday! The ms is taking the piss today! pain and I cant get any responce from my legs! I have to throw my legs forward to walk! This is so bad! Why doesnt anybody help us? I am planning a day at work now where everyone will find out about ms and I need as many things about ms before telling everyone! I am going to get in touch with the ms society and ask them to send me posters and wrist bands to premote my 'jump!'! I want a need everyone to put there hands in there pockets to sponser me! My job have said they will give me 750 pounds to add to what ever I can raise! I hate these bad days I feel like such a lemon! Its not fair on any of us why do we have to go through this? I dont think doing any extra excersise will help today! I am loosing the feeling in my hands here from typing to hard! I am so angry! Music therapy needed............

36 crazy fists:Bitterness from the stars

hmm bit better! Angry metal! I have shopping coming tonight and I have to go down stairs to pick it up! I am going to break somthing I think! Not my body!(I will do that with the parachute jump!) I need something I dont need...and just rip the shit out of it! For gods sake why do we put up with this! No wounder I cant keep and relationship together! What are the good things about today....absolutly nothing!

Need a bath and a punch bag I think!.....or one reefer for dave table 1! Maybe its a new side to me, emotional retard!

A very angry
Hope you are all well!

(two hours later calmed down to The foo fighters:This is a call!(finger nails are pretty,fingernails are good) dont worry I havent broke anything either....just angry!)
posted by personallog! @ 5:39 pm   3 comments
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I am so looking forward to my holiday!
I did 3/4 of a day today and I know why too!
Let me explaine a might remember me telling you about the ergonimic chair that work has provided. If not its blue and screams this person is 'not normal!' I hate it but it means I can sit there and look important from a great height! It lets me do those full day things! Anyway there is now a few people at work who have these...tall people and people with bad back ect ect. There is a guy who has returned to work and he has taken a chair.....mine! He has a bad back! So I had great pleasure going up to him and saying "Listen you f*ck get a disease like mine and I will give you the f'ing chair!" After he crawled out of the corner he gave me my chair back.....this process went on after every break! He says he has one of these chairs before he went off sick, so a team manager had to find one in another part of the building! I just know he is pulling a fast one! You should have seen his face when I told him about I had ms! Sponsership form has been pushed to his inbox! hehe!

I have started to collect pleges for sponsership all ready and its going really well I have photocopied the form 7 times before passing to every floor! I even have the night shift collecting! I know that a girl from night shift has a brother with ms and she nearly ripped my arm off for the forms! 1st form has got £74.96 on it! The thing is the forms come back to me, so anyone who who donates anything less than a pound is going to get me explaning the sh*t we have to go through for a couple of days!(perfect opportunity for me to fall on thier desk!)

"oh I am sorry does this job not pay you enough to donate money? and seeing as how I trained you to do this I am sure you can do more!" Go get them Dave! I will have more money for this jump! Are you proud or ashamed? I am fighting for my right to get some money for the ms society! We will get a cure one day or my names not susan....oh its tuesday aint it....I mean Dave!

Stress seems to bring on the pain in my legs thats why I am home! I had a phone call from the ms drugs wagon who say my first delivery of copaxone is on the 5th of October! i have to get in touch with the ms nurse and arrange a home visit for training on how to inject! I am looking forward to the benifits of this drug. We will see! How can I be scared of this if I am prepaired to jump out of a plane!

Music for the day has to be:
Massive Attack:Mezzanine
Cold play:Rush of blood to the head
Take care
posted by personallog! @ 2:55 pm   3 comments
Monday, September 26, 2005
I am abit late tonight coz went out with Emm!
Went for Mexican tonight! She has great taste in food! Mocho respect to the woman! Did full day at work and went for a shopping trip in china town! Got some light soy sauce and black peppercorns....for me and my dad! Oh Em want the pepercorns too! I ended up with a full rucksack!....I wasnt feeling so brave after 10 minutes or so!

Oh good news I have started collecting sponserships for the jump! I just need the envelope for the forms to be sent! I think I have over £100.00 so far and the jump is in november(only asked 8 members of my team too!)! There is over 350 staff on site and if each of them put £1 in I will make the target for the jump (and them some!).................SHIT! That means I have to do it! I have sorted out the lift to Lancashire and.....I am now starting to relise how long it will take me to land! 30 seconds falling! Its going to be so cool! I feel guilty just doing it to benifit the ms society! It sort of feels like I am doing it for my benifit! Then I rember there is over 6 milion people who will benifit if it works towards a cure! All I have to do is jump out a plane! Kim you so owe me one back! If your not raising money for charity soon......I will do more bring it on girl! This is an over sea's challenge now mate!

I an going on holiday at the end of this month too! Going to scotland for a week with 2 mates! The english expression is.....shit hot! Ok its not Goa but I am so going to enjoy it better knowing it will be a temp I can live in! Bad bit is when I get will be the aniversary of diagnosis! got time off for that too! Get the beers in! Celebrate for me please! I dont think I will be able to do it smiling!

Nasty break up
then my life starts again!
Next step Copaxone....oh joy!

Hope you are all well,Love and hugs to everyone

tune for the day...Leftfield:Phat planet tune!!!!!!!!
posted by personallog! @ 7:42 pm   3 comments
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Went Italian jazz!
We didn't want to upset Emma so we went to a restaurant! It was her ex's birthday so she didn't want to bump into him in the jazz club. Apparently he would be there! The fact that the Cinematic Orchestra would be playing there didn't matter......grrr, I am not bitter.....much! So instead of upsetting a member of the party we went to an Italian...It had been a favorite of Sineads and mine but it didn't matter to me!grrr!

Great food and company outside the house....Cool! Later in to the night they put jazz on and I loved it! I had the king prawn started and the sea bass main course! Heaven! It was so good we have all decided that we should eat out more! So we are going to! This night is going to be played over and over in my head! It was really good!

I real great thing about it was drive back Emma's car is a convertible....Roof down loud music playing and hands in the air! Cool cat's! I managed to speak to Em on her own a couple of times and she said she had a great time. So I think we will be doing this again! There are so many eateries in Manchester I think the social calendar will be filling real soon! My taste for wine is back with the taste for fish too! Need to speak to my dad on the jazz frount me thinks. What a night.
Hope your all ok

Tune of the day: Cinematic Orchestra:Evolution(Feat.Fontella Bass) that woman can sing!They were so lucky to get that woman...
posted by personallog! @ 10:46 am   3 comments
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Went to the optromitist today for a contact lense
check. Not much difference. Right eye needed and increase or decrease not sure which way with optics....the only optic I know hangs at the back of the bar(someone had to say it.)I thought I better get some glasses while I was there. I picked 2 from the shelf and had a look in the mirror provided. 1st pair I didnt like...I took them off and the lady next to me looked down to the floor. The second pair I put on and the woman next to me made a noise simlar to "hmmmm" sex noise! My inner voice said "I want them" I said " I will have two of them please, one in black!". If they make women make that noise I dont care how much they are! I will show you when I get them...I am sure you will make an opinion on here. And no she wasnt a sales person beeach! Got contacts too.... I have spoken to Emma and she has said she doesnt want to go to the jazz club as its the aniversary of breaking up with her ex and they went there on thier first date....I couldnt even tell you the date I broke up with Sinead...not really bothered either. I think we will end up at a pub or resturant somewhere. I am still listening to Jazz tho! I will let you know!

posted by personallog! @ 4:25 pm   2 comments
Jazz weekend...
Going to a jazz club tonight and I am kinda looking forward to it. Have to warm up to it I think...
Jamie Cullum: Twenty Somthing
Jamie Cullum: Pointless Nostalgic
(by the way....his rendition of High and Dry is amazing.For Jen I think.hmmm)
Then on to somthing a bit deeper I think....

Cinematic Orchestra:The Man with a Movie Camera

oooh very deep. Chilled and smooth to boot. I have the greatest collection.....for me.

Listening to Jamie Cullum reminds me of going out with wasnt allways bad really. We just got to the end of what we were suppose to do. I still love her but no were near the distructive love I had before. I have learnt to love again now..... loving me. Every day is different now. Even the weeks when I cant leave the flat.

I will give you an update once I have been, stay cool cats.
posted by personallog! @ 7:39 am   4 comments
Friday, September 23, 2005
copaxone, glatiramer acetate
Grrrr! Right I recieved some mail today from the ms nurse!

Video 1: More Time For Living, hmm.... A Very infomative dvd showing the life stlyes of 3 people with ms and how they are coping with managment of there ms With Copaxone....My feelings on this! Arrrrrgggghhh! Each beutiful person seemed lovley.....and walking! The was one with a stick but that didnt make me feel any better! The one guy who was playing cricket.....grrrr I hate cricket! No more jokes about peter pan guys please! Its a sport! I was angered with this one...Its probley not my place to say so untill I have tryed it I suppose! They were just....normal! I am still not sure how it will effect my life yet and showing people back to there normal state right at the begining doest work for me! I want people at different stages and there progression after starting to take the drug! I wish them well but I am not convinced yet!

Video 2: Pre-filled syringe self injection training guide! Pretty simple and straight forward untill you put the idea of inserting the metal into MY skin! I have a feeling this injection is really going to help me.....but its metal going into MY SKIN!!! I want to see the first dvd again.....I still hate cricket! Oh God! Look I will have no probs jumping out of a plane! BUT ITS SHARP METAL INTO MY SKIN! Need to calm down on this as I intend living a life....some life...any life.....without cricket!lol

This should be dead easy! Just need to wait for the drugs now! I think I need to keep a calender for this tho! Once a day! Change the area's every day! Stops the lumps and bumps in the skin!...Its going to be hard! I have to check every day to see if I have taken the cod liver oil tablet! I can do this! I think i need to get that tatoo for practice! i have dropped the Bjork and automaticly picked up the heavy metal! No I think back to my grass roots: Cream:Electric Summer, More dance me thinks! Electric and full of beats!

I think I need you oppinions guys help me!
posted by personallog! @ 1:56 pm   4 comments
gutted on a friday too!
It feels worse on a friday for some reason! I dont really want to sacrifice the weekend either! It should be a work/life balance shouldnt it? My team leader agrees with me and is looking forward to seeing me next week! I really want to get in to work too!

I am still watching the dvd's my bro lent to me! moment!) has anyone tried magic yet for there ms? I am not taking black magic by any means! I just remember a little show....Paul Mckenner....using the chanelling energies thing! Ok it might be far fetched but if you dont believe...
Alternate therapies might be the way to go! You never know! Willing to try anything this week! Feel like KAK! I need my full health back for the girls I think!lol!

Have a busy weekend with friends planned! I just hope I can keep up with them! I havent been smoking weed this week just to check how bad I feel! I think that might be the problem to be honest coz I feel terrible! Tonight is the big smoke so might be feeling better for the Jazz club on saturday! I think there is about 7 people going so will be a good night if I can get off my ass! I will let you all know how it goes!

Still feel love struck and happy! But if this shows anything,it shows I am still human! That an ms'er is still capable of emotion! I got a strange text yesturday from Jen! It was supposed to be for her friend and explanes a few things about last weekend and how she feels! I am quite shocked! Jen says she is so used to sending text to me that she sent it in error to me! I got a good report...haha! I wont go into much detail but I think she is love struck too! Fingers crossed eh!

Music for today reminds me of Emma to be honest....Damien Rice:'O'
Hope you are all ok take care!
posted by personallog! @ 7:40 am   2 comments
Thursday, September 22, 2005
The mind is willing but the body.....just cant do it today! I need to get back into work to hand out the sponsership forms for the jump! I do need to get £375 for the jump alone! Yes it is free to do it but I really do want to raise lots of cash!first I have to fill the forms in! I dont think I can hold a pen for too long either! Dont worry too much I will do the jump! If just to show Kim that I can do it! Ha!

So what do I do on a day like today? Just except it I guess! Yes I can catch up with my post and dvd's that I have lent by my Little bro!(You are a star man, I would loose my sanity without you! cheers beer is on me!) I drink lots of coffee, Listen to the best collection of music!(well it mine...all mine...ha ha ha!) I keep my chin up and dont think to much of what I could do! Yes being on my own is hard, all I want is a cuddle, but I know I have to take the rubbish out and get a bath! The same as everyone else! As long as I can do this without being an emotional flip flop....I will be fine!

Oh I fixed the fuse issue after advice from a girl! Not only am I ill but now I am taking advise of electrical advice from a girl! Male pride bruised too! It was from Emma! Not only can she kick my ass at chess....she knew I had to flick the trip switch again to turn it back on! Hmmmmm the thing is thats what I had to do last time!lol!

Still listening to Bjork here due to the Jen visit! I love the girl and will quite happily be treated as the other man for a long time just I can see her, touch her, smell her ect ect! She will either get bored of me or fall deaply in love with me! To be honest both ways works for me too! I enjoy having my own place in the world! Being me is important to me! I dont want anyone else in this world to have the stress of my ms! The choice has to be Jen's! I can't force her! I dont believe anyone should be forced do things they dont want! But I would love to spend the rest of my life with her! I really hope she has the oppertunity to read this! I love you babe!xxx

I guess that gives me some happiness!
Yes I want the Bjork greatest hits! I have my ms birthday coming up on the 1st of november! So going to book a holiday if I can for 1,2 and 3rd off to get so drunk!
Hope your all happy out there!
posted by personallog! @ 7:58 am   4 comments
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
ok ok pp lay off beeach!
Ok I have been proded to update! so here it is! I am so happy its sickening! I have been really bad with my legs and this fecking shiver its doing my head in! I have been on line talking to Jen and I am falling for her! God Damb it! I am in a state of emotional emergency! Just talking on msn isnt enough!

Right you know I have the music thing! I can stop listening to a tune Jen sent me!


If you have herd it you know where my head is! Its beautiful to be in a state of emergency! God and she knows it! She said this song is one she is feeling for me! God why is it so hard to be here! Because she has a life of her own! A boyfriend of her own! And the whole Sinead thing comes back! would I put her through the ms mangle with me! If she'd have me yeah I would! This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through! I know it going to get harder till I see her again!

Boys arnt supposed to show this many feelings righ well....tough! Any woman who can get me to like bjork diserves a medal! I think Bjork is great now! i think Jen is better tho!

Ms things happening has been pushed to the back of my mind! I cant walk properly so havent left house for last two days! But I am still happy!

Will that do you Pocket punk? Try ringing once and a while! Beeach!Lol

Sickenly happy Dave wishes you all happy days!

P.s today has been national Alzhemers day in the uk! i hope you have all put yor hands in your pockets for that! Good wishes to all the careers and suffers! See I do think of others too! oh and a fuse blew in my house and yet again I have no celing lights grrr in the dark!!
posted by personallog! @ 3:30 pm   0 comments
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
surprise! New symptom!
Woke up this morning with a....erm...twich! Well more like a spasm! Left arm is twiching and it really hurts! Maybe today is a good day to clean the flat...maybe! After yesterdays update I thought I would be in work to fight! I dont think swearing at customers is the best way!
I do think I want to know as much as possible about the 2nd world war! I know I feel alot better about jumping out of a perfectly good airplane! At least I wont have to dodge bullets and shapnel like the 101st airborne paracute division! I hate war but the idea that they were fighting it sort of makes me think that I am fighting my own battle! The Easy company had a mantra (I think thats whats its called!) "We stand alone, Together" I would like to think Thats what we do! Everybody with a blog here, everybody with ms here is fighting there own personal battles but we learn of each other together!

Woah! Where did that come from?

err music today:Blind Melon:blind melon
Hope your all ok!

P.S two bits of post today
1st letter from my ms nurse about information Copaxone, My nero has asked me to start this and get one more injection of smurfs blood as well! OOOHHH
2nd Got info pack about the parachute jump with sponsership forms! Woah!
posted by personallog! @ 8:16 am   7 comments
Monday, September 19, 2005
Band of brothers!
Sorry just feeling abit shocked and emotional! I have been watching a series my younger brother let me lend! The band of brothers! I dont usually have a big thing for war movies! This one episode made me cry! It was called "why we fight" it is the episode where the whole nazi war camps were discovered!

11 million jews and minorities were slaughtered! My god! What the hell! Makes me think I have got nothing to complaine about! I think...god why!

Why has the world got to have pain and suffering at all! This is the last time I swear in the blog but FUCK!

There is allways something worse than your own situation! 11 million!
posted by personallog! @ 7:43 pm   3 comments
Yes its good to feel great when your diseased but
There is still so much that I cant do! If I was "normal" I think I wouldn't be doing as much as I doing at the moment! There would be a great possibility that I wouldn't be enjoying life as much and appreciating what I can do! It is wierd that I think I am viewing it from this side now! I thought being disabled would mean life would finish! Yes I have cried(for a 29 year old man thats a hard thing to admit to!) and yes its disheartening,devistating some days, but it makes you look at your life and you think I am still HERE! I am still going to be the best person I can be! I want life more! I love the fact that everytime I see Jen I feel like this! She has deffinatly stired the soul! She reminds me that I am a man!

I think I had to write this as this this morning I woke up and could not move more than the frount room! The idea that I had to go to work and sit in the same chair for a full day wasnt the best prospect! I think some music therapy is needed! Yes its fatigue yes its hurting my legs....but I still cant get rid of this insane smile! All I can say is Thankyou Jen thankyou Emma thankyou to......well you for reading and leaving messages of good wishes! Dont worry I wont be like this for too long!

Hope your all well

Ohhh todays music arrived in the post! Blind Melon The whole back catolog! And I have been in touch with a dude from friday night called bobby and he is going to teach me guitar! may be I will be able to get my own stuff done! hmm dave the music man!lol!
posted by personallog! @ 8:03 am   3 comments
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Can you break your lips from kissing to much?
Oh my god! What a woman! I have been up all night and my bedroom stinks of sweaty sex! lol! I now have a growing taste for vanilla vodka! The night has been filled with some great music and even better company! Goth babe Jen to the max! and if she borrows my t-shirt again I going to get her to wash them!lol(only joking!)

Right, the music:

Elliott Smith
Nitan Sawhney
Within temptation
Kate Bush
Garry Newman
Damien Rice

and the list goes on and on! WHAT A NIGHT! Look out for dave the human being very happy! Its so good to have human contact like that! I feel like I should be told off for staying out all night!lol!
God I am so tired now tho! Dont think I will drink for a while, still nursing my head! What a night! Cheers babe!xxxxx
oh and that was only last night! Friday was amazing too! Emma and two others came round and we drank smoked and laughed all night!
Now I feel human! Two nights and two different woman! I am a slag! lol!
Hope your all ok
posted by personallog! @ 2:39 pm   2 comments
Saturday, September 17, 2005
American prayer: Jim Morrison....errr what a night!
I have to do that again! Friends roud for a drink and a big smoke....but you know you have smoked to much when you end up listening to poetry by Jim! All involed are now going to a jazz club next weekend! We definitely smoked too much! Should be cool if I can get them of the ceiling!Lol!

Good pain killer but its doing no good for my music collection! I cant go through jazz again! I have to rember its a pain killer and not a life style! If I end up growing my hair long again I will go bald! There is too many hippies out there allready isnt there! Its very tempting to slow down and chill tho!

Got Jen coming tonight so I have to clean flat and sobber up first! Change of music is needed. Got to speed it up...bit of Justin Roberts (Imprint!)I think! funky house! Right ready for the Goth babe now! No more make up this time please babe! Sorry about this update! I will sobber up before I do the next one! The strange thing is I feel no ms pain at all I wonder why!
Hope you all enjoy your weekend!
posted by personallog! @ 8:45 am   2 comments
Friday, September 16, 2005
I think my body reacts to heat!
I was having the best day ever! The parachute fundrasing team have sent me an email saying they are posting details to me for fundraising...i.e sponsership forms ect.(No back out now!) I even walked without stick at work in the morning! Then guess what happened....the sun came out!!! It raised the temp in the office rapidly! Then back to spaz Dave! I felt so good in the morning! I felt like I wasnt ill at all! No pain no nothing! Then th shivers kicked in! I couldnt type I got stabing pain behind the knees. I feel like I have "tooth ache" all arround my mid section!

Sent home....does 3/4 of a day count? Yeah it does! I have been home for half an hour with all the windows open! 1 cold beer and tunes and I can type again! I would love it at work if they had air con! I found out that I am really good at my job too! If I was there I would be premoted up the ranks asap!
I am so glad that I am not going to Goa now! I would die out there! The heat would kill me! I am still going to get really drunk tonight! I am really pissed at this diease now! Have to do this jump just to get one back at it! ok 10,000 foot fall should be fun! I have warned everyone at work to get there hands in thier pockets!

If anyone in england want to raise money with me go to this link:
you have to raise some money for it but its free if you do!

Who would off thought it.....heat!
Any holiday ideas anyone? I am thing alaska
hope you all having a better day than me!
posted by personallog! @ 2:43 pm   1 comments
right Kim you asked for it now!!!!
the fund raising side of this blog has gone down hill for a bit! Got an email from Kim who does the podcast to the right of this>>>>>> has sent me a link saying I would need alot of confidence to do a parachute jump for the ms society!

So I have sent off for the info pack to do the jump for 10,000 feet! I am going to do do it and prove that I have a new lease of life! Be Warned Family and friends alike I will be coming for sponsership! I will be able to get my job involed in a pound for pound scheme too! Come on!!!!!

This weekend is going to be top!

Hope you are all well!
posted by personallog! @ 6:47 am   3 comments
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Day closer to the weekend! yeha!
Finished my second day at work and I am starting to get some funny looks! "Who's that guy?" was one comment!

It me! You will never forget me ever again!
2 more nights till Jeniffer gets here! I cant wait! Drink arrives tonight! I have spent far to much on vodka and beers! I deserve it! I have somthing to be proud of! I have done 2 days at work and I have changed my attitued to how I live my life from here on in! I am going to celebrate every thing that I do! I wipe my ass at ms! Lets celebrate! I can get out of bed....time for a beer!
I get post....bring on the champage!
Girly pinched my bum.........oh my god time for a holiday!

As soon as I feel bad again and it will happen, I am so going to get drunk and laugh about this! But I know now to enjoy these times to the best of my ability! I am not the same doomed man I was! I am now a diffent colour!lol This shade suits me! I am confident young man with plans for life! My Life! I want it! I still have thing I want to do....and my god am I going to do them to the best of my ability!

Hope the beutifull people out there who read this are having a good one!

P.S taking bets on how long this lasts! Music for the day: Timo Maas:Maaster pieces (hands in the air like you just dont care!!!!!!!!!!!!!)(oh and yes I have Vodoo ray By: a guy called Gerald!)
posted by personallog! @ 5:08 pm   3 comments
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
feel great today! Well if you dont...why?
Full day at work today! wow I feel great too! Wonder why! Give you a hint...check mate!

Dont worry I am not going to go on and on about her! I just relised that I am amazing person! So are all of you! Its needed to be a human ms surviver! We are not sufferers as soon as we realise that we are surviving with it you feel better! All right you still feel pain....but look at yourself right now!

Are you not proud of yourself for survivng this long with with this crazy disease? I am proud to be a member of the hardest people in the world! We kick ass! Ok so we need help once in a while....but you name one person who doesnt need help with anything and I will show you a liar! Everyone has to deal with there own colour of shit thats thrown at them! We just have a different colour thrown at us! Yes it hard! But we can take it! I am possitive you know someone who couldnt!

Why am I saying this? Coz I am proud to be a part of this comunity! Yeah allright I would rather not have it but the way I see it....I am protecting the people who couldnt take it! These things are here to test our metal and my metal is hard and northern! Give me a beer ande bring it on ms bitch! Oh just got letter from the hospital saying that my next appointment is on 23rd of november! So!

I am so proud of what I have done this year in the face of this disease! Its so got a fight on its hands with me...and it should be the same for you! Take one fight at a time and be proud of what you acheive! Celebrate your success and smile god damb it! I bet I could find somthing good in each one of you! I raise a glass to any surviver out there and two for me!lol

Be good!
P.S You know that trama you had before diagnosis! Its over! its in the past! Its no longer a trama! It was but not any more! Smile and be proud to be a surviver!
posted by personallog! @ 5:02 pm   5 comments
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
What an amazing woman!
Emma....well....Rocks! Pretty! Intelligent! Witty! Just the right height for me! Walks at the same speed due to sticks! Wants kids! Beautiful! And my god she know how to cook a steak! Perfect woman!(frequently beats me at chess!)

A really good friend too! I would love to show you a pic but I don't think she wants her face here! Sorry people!

I know what your thinking....Yes I could fall for her(we probley fall to offtern for any couple, walking sticks!!!) But I don't want to spoil friendship with professing something that isn't there for either of us(yet!)! I love spending time with her and I am really looking forward to spending time with her in real life not just on the internet! She is defiantly coming back here to cook steak! I know you read this Emma and don't want to embarise you but....You are fine! Um hum!

Well we both dropped sticks and ate the feast of chess kings and queens!

Music for the night....guess what...thats mine and I am keeping it for me!

Cheers Em!x
Jen on saturday! I have the best life in the world! Well it would be without the demon ms!
Hope you all have a good 'N'

P.s she brought some art work for me! Hand crafted weaving...or do you call it stiching?lol
posted by personallog! @ 10:09 pm   2 comments
Woke this morning on another planet! Had 9 hours sleep which is allmost double what I normally get! Legs hurt and I dont feel quiet right! I am still tired too! Called in sick to work!


I think I need a punch bag or somthing, somthing to hit every time I get this angry!

Then I breathe!

Well at least I am still here! I now have some time to clean the flat for girlie arrival. I have time to listen to music.....god who am I joking! This sucks!

Because I am not in work today Emma wont know the way to my house! So....I will have to make my own! Right I have cheered myself up!
I will probley update this throughout the day! I dont have anything to do!!!

Tune of the day:The who:Summertime blues!
Take care people

Went out to pick up post and found that I have received some music through the post! Justin Robertson:Imprint ooooohhhhh mmmmyyyy ggggod! This is amazing! what a DJ!
and got a delivery of drugs! Well cod liver oil and hemp oil too!

Much happier now! Still a broken man! But just got a text from Emma saying she is still coming!Yey!
posted by personallog! @ 8:20 am   2 comments
Monday, September 12, 2005
hmm may be not....ha!
Just got back after half day at work! Why do I do it? I have the need to live some sort of life but my body decides the score!

At least I got to see Em, great hair colour babe!, we sorted out address and stuff! getting the food order tonight too! I am looking forward to it! Not expecting anything but friendship there and a good feed! Maybe getting more art work from her too! Two women and getting the flat decorated lol!

Got to find a woman who can keep up with me! Asked vix for some hints and tips but not keeping my hopes up! I think I really need to get over Sinead first tho! Need to repair first I think! Any ladies out there want to help me?haha!

Well got chess date tonight with Em so that may cheer me up! If you would like to challenge me do get in touch!(I like a beating!) Might not be able to dance all night but can play!

I think on the woman frount I just want naked pic's to my email address lol!
Thanks for taking the time out to read this!

Oh music: Wall of sound essentails

Have a good 'n'
posted by personallog! @ 1:02 pm   5 comments
Sunday, September 11, 2005
I am ready for work!!!!!!!!!
This weekend has seen a few changes in me! For the better I hope!

Strange thing happened! My mate Jools came down to stay at mine on friday. He then said it was his sisters birthday and he wanted to ask his sister down to mine with a couple of her friends so they could go out in Manchester! Now normally I would say yes straight away but I said no! I was a bit stoned and paranoid and didnt want to be shown off in a bad light.............I know! Not me! What do I care what people think of me! I think it was the 4 people that I didnt know coming into my house! Or it could have been the fact that they would be taking Coke and going out! No dont want to get involved with that!

Feel confident that I made the right choice! Why should I supply a drop off point for people going out clubbing! No, not letting people use me!

Got Emma coming on tuesday and I am so looking forward to it! We have been talking alot on MSN Messenger and playing chess! The more I hear about her the better I feel about her! We seem to have loads in common! We have both been dropped by someone we love because of are disabilities! Strange! I cant stop listening to Damien Rice and others! The blowers daughter, is on repeate at the moment.(feels like a Dawsons creek theme!)

Think I a falling in love with me! I like me! Is that strange? Anyway I hope your all good!

posted by personallog! @ 10:38 am   2 comments
Thursday, September 08, 2005
What a strange day!
Sun is shining, feel a bit crap, getting my hunger back after smoking weed!(sorry but it helps me recover from the blue doom! it works!!!) I feel lost not being in my own flat! I want to go home to my house! Its great to have a base at my parents and I do feel safe here but its not mine! Hard to explane but anyone over the age of 15 should know!

I think I just want to get laid I think! I dont think I could do this here at my mums! Well I am a man so stop those dirty looks! I am not going to shy away from it!! You dont! I am still a fully functioning human being with sexual urges! Just because I walk with a stick doesnt mean.....'IT' doesnt work! It does! I just want to find the the right 'a' woman....any woman....ok for gods sake a dark warm wet hole in the ground would do! No its not that bad yet!

Just the right woman for me! I dont care how long it takes I will find her! As long as she doesnt run fast I will get day!

Tunes for the rock from the sixties and seventies....thats how bad it is! Need my music too! Roll on friday!

Todays Question for all of you out there: "does being ill/disabled mean that we stop having sexual feelings?"

Come get some!
posted by personallog! @ 11:57 am   4 comments
Monday, September 05, 2005
to many things happening at once slow the f*ck down!
Hi Amanda nice to see you! Welcome!

Happy birthday to you! happy birthday to you...happpppyyyyy birthdsy dear Almodiva happy birthday to you! xxxxxx

right thats 2 things done!

The 3rd ofcourse Is New Orleans! My God I hope the numbers dont go any further up! Its thing like this which make you think of the bigger picture! My thought are with you guys!

Explanation to the title! Was really sick over the weekend! My friend and good buddy Lee came to get me again(We only seem to meet up when the flit hits the shan!) He dropped me off at my mum and dads(both on holiday!) So I have been looking after dogs with my little bro! Not an oppertunity to drink by any means and going to work is a major no no! Still feeling groggy! Every time I think I have the sickness grabbed it hits me again! Its not really hard! I have have been worse before, but I need some "gather my Karma" time. I was expecting some good post this week too! I have had ten minutes in the garden relaxing but its not quite right! Need a hug! (ahhh!) I just need to chill out and relax or next weekend will have had it too!

Good thing to happen so far: I have had a good look through my dads collection of music and found:

Afro Celt....errr wow!
and Elephat Talk.....My god! He has a great collection too and I can see where I got my good tastes from!(Maybe he should help with the women side....err no!)

Hope you are all,new and old, are doing well!
posted by personallog! @ 2:38 pm   1 comments
Sunday, September 04, 2005
How do I do it?!?!?!
sick as the sickest person in the world....well ok its bad but maybe not that bad!
I still have it tho....guess who has another date! 2 dates actually!

1st one is going to be with Em, she is coming to cook for me too!
2nd one is a weekend with Jen!yey

looking forward to them....but still feel kak at the mo! Need to rest up before I think about them really!

Chilled out sunday! Tunes:
Damien Rice: O
James Blunt: Back to Bedlam

Sunday love tunes! The only ones I own! Both are great and could be considered easy!
And thats about it! Hope you are all better than me!

Happy but sicky
posted by personallog! @ 11:08 am   0 comments
Saturday, September 03, 2005
I saw you cry today,
The pain may fill you,
I saw you shy away,
The pain will not kill you,

Your pain is mild today,
You spoke with many voices
We travel miles today,
Jet expectant voices,

It has to end,
Living in your head,
With out anything to numb you!
(house Keyboard!)

It has to end,
Living in your head,
Without anything to numb you!

***You see why I like the tune!******
Just add the great bass line (god like drum too!)and feeling like your spine is being ripped from you and you have my feeling today! Numb! Timo Mass is a legend!

Keep you tunes in your heart!
posted by personallog! @ 10:20 am   2 comments
Friday, September 02, 2005
and now starts the recovery!
Hi all!

Just got back from hospital! The sun is shining! Its hot outside! The driver didnt know the way back to mine to well so he drove through manchester centre! The women in the sun are fantastic! As a general rule....there not wearing much! Happy Dave! But I get ahead of myself! At hospital! it took 3 hours for the drip to run clear! Blue toxic death now in the system! I had chance to speak to a beutifull woman who I have been trying to speak to for thew last 4 visits! She mops the floor and cleans the ward! Slovak! A great accent! Blond! Really good looking! She has smiled to me every time! I smiled all the way through the pain! She is married with 2 kids(ho hum!) she owns three properties! Loaded! She is 29! I am not going anywhere near the married! I have done that before and I have learnt my lesson! The nausea hasn't really hit in yet! Its there but the journey home is keeping it at arms lenght at the mo!

I have the boys coming round tonight so it will be good! Got to start thinking about saving money so I can buy a house! I will have to move quickly while I can to save as much money as possible! I have to get back to work soon so I can open my options for the future! I want to get to the point where I can concider a second job(even if its mopping a floor!) I have a new goal to shoot for!

1. woman!
3.Happy Dave the dirty porn king!LoL

hope you are all well and looking forward to life!(I will feel bad soon...but not till I say so!)


P.s music for recovery:
Pink Floyd: The Wall(Confortably Numb!) (Must be the weed!)
posted by personallog! @ 12:52 pm   4 comments
Here we go again! Hospital mark II
Relaxed a bit more than earlier this week but....I think I am still worried! My mates are coming round again this weekend! They will see me in a different light this time!

I have just clean the vom out the carpet from last week! I hope they dont think its going to be the same this weekend! Dont you think for a second that I dont want them there! I want someone to see me in this state! It make sense now for some reason!

Starting the day slow with radiohead....yes the Jen reminder!

posted by personallog! @ 7:40 am   0 comments
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Prep for chicken soup day's
Right I know the hospital visit will freak me out tomorrow! So what I am going to do to have a stress free day?

Well got some dvd's through the post all comedy...apart from Six Foot Under series 1!
Got chips and dips!
Got some mello music through Elliott Smith!

And the most important...chicken soup!

Set for good recovery! I am rather worried tho! Nurses told me I would be on my own! for 3 hours! Book and walkman needed I think!

2 weeks till Jen gets here! Top!

Hope you are all well!

posted by personallog! @ 10:52 am   3 comments
ms....not just a diary
About Me

Name: personallog!
Home: St. Annes, Lancashire, United Kingdom
About Me:
I am 6ft 3" skinny and not well. I was diagnosed with ms in 2004 and I would like to speak with others who have ms. I have a want to raise money for ms charities. We have to find a cure for this hell!!!! See my complete profile

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